The Sassy Pear

Finding my way through my forties

The Fear – it drives me. — May 19, 2009

The Fear – it drives me.

So, I had a revelation this morning. I was browsing the forums on Calorie Count and the question was posed: “How do you reward yourself for your weight loss efforts?” There were a lot of the same answers – massage, new clothes, mani/pedi, etc, but there were also some really different ideas too, such as the woman who pays her 10 year old daughter to keep her on track with work outs. She pays her daughter $10 a week to remind her to work out 5 days a week and track her cals 5 days a week. Other people said their reward was knowing that they did a certain number of work outs in a week and still others didn’t use any rewards at all. A few people said they base their rewards on the number of times they worked out, instead of on the number of pounds lost, which I thought was really smart. You can check out the whole thing here.

A reward system doesn’t really work for me, especially if it involves the spending of money. I’m a cheap frugal gal and usually by the time I have earned a reward, I don’t want to spend the money to get it. One time I set up an elaborate goal/reward system for myself that included a reward for every 5 pounds lost. I never did reach that first 5 pounds so I never got ANY of the rewards I promised myself. Dangling a bracelet in front of my face for losing weight just doesn’t seem to motivate me to get off my duff or to put down that cookie.

So what does motivate me? How did I lose 30 pounds last year? And what was that revelation I had this morning?

Thanks for asking! I’ll tell you.

As I was pondering the reward/motivation question, I realized that I am most motivated by fear of disappointment.

Wha????

No really, last year when I lost weight it wasn’t because of the appetite suppressant or the daily walking – it was because I didn’t want to disappoint the Nurse Nazi or the doctor who so very generously gave me a deep discount on the program. I worked hard because I didn’t want them to be disappointed in me. And along those same lines, I worked out 4 times last week and did push ups and crunches because I didn’t want to disappoint MizFit since I am on her team for the Woman Challenge. I don’t want to be the team member who doesn’t pull her weight (hehe) during this challenge.

I know some of you will say, “what about disappointing yourself, Jill? You don’t want to disappoint yourself do you?” to which I say “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!” I’ve disappointed myself so many times that I’m immune to my own disappointment of me (okay that was very bad grammar, but you get the point). Fear of disappointing myself is no fear at all; it’s a way of life. Yeah I know, I need therapy, but that’s what I’ve got this blog for right?!

The Woman Challenge lasts for another 7 weeks so I hope that I can keep the momentum going. I’ll have to come up with someone else to NOT disappoint after that. I need to exploit this fear to its fullest potential.

If only Jon Bon Jovi would issue a challenge to me, I’d be golden. 😉

 

If you lose 20 pounds, I'll write you a song, Jill.
I am active, healthy, fit and trim — May 7, 2009

I am active, healthy, fit and trim

“I am active, healthy, fit and trim. I am active, healthy, fit and trim. I am active, healthy, fit, and trim.”

This was the mantra I fell asleep to last night after a few rough minutes with myself in the boxing ring. I was giving myself a pretty bad beating about my eating habits and how I’m well on the road to being fat again, etc etc etc. And then I decided that abusing myself wasn’t going to help, so I started to speak the words that I want to be true. The sentence above is how I want to see myself: active, healthy, fit, and trim. I woke up repeating these words to myself this morning, and I’m going to continue saying them all day long until I start to believe it.

I’m at a point where I literally have to take things hour by hour. The 8 hours of my work day aren’t a problem because at 6:00 in the morning when I’m packing my lunch, I’m not craving cake or cookies. Early in the morning, I’m all about what’s healthy – I’m not held captive by the sweets in my pantry. Why does it change 10 hours later? Why, at 4pm do I suddenly become a raving lunatic and face-plant into the nearest confection? I don’t get it…do you?

Anyway, in the evenings I’m going to have to go hour by hour and really watch my intake. Remember how I made a list of goals that I was going to hang on my fridge? Well, I never did that, and look where it’s gotten me. So I am going to revise and reprint that list, and today when I get home it’s going up. For some reason, I don’t like having to explain myself to my husband and kids, and they will surely ask questions if I put up a list of goals. I guess I just need to get over it and tell them that these are the things I’m working on and not to bother me about it. My kids see me working out, but I have avoided telling Sarah (my 8 year old) that I want to lose weight. I don’t want to infect her with my weight issues, so I just don’t talk about it at all, which I don’t think is a good solution but I haven’t decided how to approach it with her.

I’m excited about the Woman Challenge and lots of people have signed up to be on Team MizFit. This is one reason decided to work out last night instead of watching American Idol, so it must be working! My goals for the challenge are very simple: work out 3x a week and do some sort of muscle building exercise 2x a week. That’s it. At this point if I can do that consistently for 8 weeks, I’ll be a happy camper.

I am Active Healthy Fit and Trim. I am Active Healthy Fit and Trim. I am Active Healthy Fit and Trim. Dear God please let it sink in!

My baby’s not a baby anymore — May 5, 2009

My baby’s not a baby anymore

Supahstahz
Supahstahz

 

Today my baby turns 4 years old. Mallory was born on 5/5/05 at 5:55 pm in labor and delivery room #5. No lie!! She’s my 5 star baby! My favorite age is 4 years old. At 4 years old, they are curious, funny, love school, and love to help. Mallory is a smart-ass, and she rules her little world with a fairy scepter and mermaid tail. She is imaginative and fears nothing. She is also the only blond in the family –don’t ask me how that happened, I’m still trying to figure that one out myself! We are supposed to go to the zoo today because that is Mallory’s most favorite place in the whole wide world, but I don’t know if the weather is going to cooperate or not. It’s very very cloudy and cool and humid, and there is rain in the forecast, but it could go either way. It will either be a perfect day for the zoo, or the worst possible day to go. We may opt for the aquarium instead…it all depends on the rain.

 

Before the caffeine kicked in and after I read MizFit’s post this morning, I joined her team in the Woman Challenge. It’s an 8 week challenge to be more active, and so in my foggy-brained head it sounded exactly like what I need right now. I really really REALLY hope I don’t disappoint Miz or myself, but I need some kind of external force pushing me along.

Okay, I gotta get busy. Lots to do today!

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