Selvera Week 2 Recap

New box of goodies!!

I just got my 2nd Selvera box of food for the next 2 weeks. Lots of shakes in this one – YAY!! The shakes are really tasty and filling, so that’s good. 

I didn’t do so well over the weekend, I’ll admit. Weekends are so tricky and even trickier when my husband is around a lot. Usually he is away for most of the weekend days either working or enjoying his hobbies, so I get used to doing my own thing. Having him around is great – we enjoy doing things together, but I tend to adjust my eating habits when he’s around because we are usually running errands or tackling a project together. I was also still in a bit of a funk over the weekend and did a lot more nibbling than I would have liked. Nothing horrible or binge-like, but I grazed a bit more than usual. By Sunday evening I was over myself and straightened up my at and returned to acting like someone who is interested in losing fat instead of someone who is interested in wallowing in Cheetos and sadness. 

These last 3 days (Mon-Wed) have been very good. I’ll admit that by Tuesday I was ready for my 2nd Selvera meal box to arrive and having that to look forward to was a big help in not face-planting into a casserole. My box was waiting for me when I got home from work Tuesday evening so I waited until yesterday to start in on the Week 3 foods. In this box, I got some cream of tomato soup – very yummy and comforting in a way that only hot soup can be. I also received lots of shakes and my favorite lemon bars, along with more protein bars. As far as entrees, there is pasta alfredo, spicy cheese and macaroni, vegetable chili, and something else I can’t remember. Also have lots of snack-chip-type things for those times when you need a salty crunch (which lately I seem to need a lot). 

I have been walking intervals on the treadmill and doing strength training exercises with dumbbells on alternating days this week. This weekend is Kyra’s Virtual 5k challenge so I’ll be doing that as well, probably on Saturday. My body just feels so much better when I’m exercising regularly. Duh. 

My puzzle pieces finally seem to be fitting together this week. 🙂

I’m happy to report that I weighed in at 191.0 this morning. I am thrilled! That brings me to a total of 4.5 pounds lost in the last 2 weeks, which may not sound like much, but for this body o’ mine, it’s a big deal. My body clings to fat like white on rice, so it’s hard to let it go. ♪♪Let it goooooo, let it gooooo!♪ (You’re welcome for that not-at-all tired and played out earworm)

What am I learning from all of this? I’m learning that I need a lot less food to be satisfied than I originally thought. I sometimes get a little nervous at the small portion sizes, but I’ve never walked away from a Selvera meal thinking that I need more. And don’t forget that I’m adding fruits and vegetables to these meals, which adds bulk but not a lot of calories, so between the high protein meals, and the fiber filled fruits & veggies, I’m feeling pretty satisfied. I still sometimes want something sweet to eat after a meal, but I find that a swig of vanilla soy milk satisfies that desire pretty well. I typically just want a taste of sweet after a meal, not necessarily a large dessert, so the vanilla soy milk is just right.  

Okay kids, that about wraps it up for today. I would say I gotta run, but the truth is I gotta sit behind this desk and type some work on my computer. Maybe I’ll get up for a stretch as soon as I hit “publish”. 🙂




This week has been hectic and busy and it seems like all my plans for this week have been shot. Well I guess that’s not totally true, but it sure feels that way. 

On Monday I missed getting up in time for my morning workout, but I had planned on getting it done after work that evening. I came home, changed into my workout clothes, grabbed a yogurt to eat real quick and just as I was getting ready to pull the lid off, my SIL dropped by. Which was fine – I don’t see her very often and I enjoy talking with her – except she ended up staying for 2 hours which meant that not only did I miss my workout, I didn’t get dinner ready until after 8 pm, and I had some work stuff I needed to do that didn’t get finished. In the grand scheme of things, I would rather spend 2 hours talking with a friend than working out and fixing dinner, but it sort of threw me off my schedule. Monday night, I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned most of the night which led me to…

missing my alarm on Tuesday morning. 😦 So no workout Tuesday morning either which REALLY ticked me off (at myself). I had planned on running some errands after work but in the middle of the afternoon my husband texted me “lets go out to dinner tonight”. After work, while I waited for him to get home I was feeling really anxious about missing my workouts and messing up my pre-planned menu for the week, so I grazed on some pita chips and probably other things that I shouldn’t have that I can’t even remember what they were now. I have been specifically working on NOT doing this but old habits die hard. Really, really freaking hard.  Once we got to the restaurant, I did fine, probably because I wasn’t starving due to the mini-binge beforehand. I had grilled shrimp and a baked sweet potato but I was still mad at myself for turning to food for comfort. I’m trying really hard stop that behavior, but I obviously have a ways to go. 

Wednesday, was actually a perfect day, now that I think about it. I worked out early, stayed on plan all day, went to bed and slept like a rock. No grazing or bingeing or eating off-plan. Woohoo! 

And then today…I didn’t get up and work out because I knew my husband was going to get up at the time I normally work out (which is an hour earlier than he normally wakes up) and I just felt weird about working out in front of him. I’ve done it before, but 5:15 – 6am has become MY TIME and I sort of felt like he would have been invading my space. So I just went back to bed for another hour. Which ended up just making me feel disappointed in myself when I finally did get up. 

The reason these 3 days (Monday, Tuesday, and today) didn’t work out well is because I wasn’t assertive and didn’t put my needs at the top of the list. I get really frustrated when I let others decide how my day goes or when I know that something is important to me but I de-prioritize it for someone else. This is a recurring theme in my weight loss life. Actually it’s a recurring theme in my life-life too. I need to be assertive enough to say “I would love to chat with you, but I’m getting ready to work out – care to join me?”* or “Just so you know, I’m going to work out in the morning so you might want to have your morning coffee out on the patio”. I know it’s going to take practice but it’s something I really need to get a handle on ASAP. Actually it’s something I should have gotten a handle on many years ago. Recognizing and BELIEVING that my needs are valid is going to be a big hurdle, but I’m willing to keep working on it. 

How do you handle interruptions and changes like these? Do you git-r-done no matter what, or are you a pushover like me? 🙂 

*thanks to Kyra for suggesting this one. The bonus to this phrase is that either they will join you and you’ll have a workout buddy OR they’ll leave in a hurry! LOL! 


Plan of Attack

I’ve mentioned here several times that I’ve been working with a personal coach for weight loss – she also is a Registered Dietitian and she is fabulous. We’ve been working together for nearly 6 months and in that time, I’ve learned a lot. I also started losing weight, albeit slowly but I was okay with that. I had gotten down to 189 last month from a high of 198 right after Christmas. Slow and steady, right? 

Aaaaand then my hormones staged a coup. And then I gained 6 pounds in the last 4 weeks. Being a middle aged woman is AWESOME.

My monthly visitor has been MIA for the last 2 months, a non-event that prompted me to take not one, not two, but three pregnancy tests this week just to be sure there wasn’t another Lil’ Pear taking up residence in my uterus. All three tests were NEGATIVE (Thank You!) That’s just not something I am prepared to deal with in any way, shape, or form right now. So I’m pretty sure I am in full-on menopause, but that leaves me with the question of “Really, Menopause? That’s how we’re gonna roll now?” I am so not down with that. 

Even if my eating was a little loosey-goosey for a while, I know I haven’t been eating enough to justify a 6 pound gain. The fact is though, that I am back up to 196 and that is just not gonna cut it. I find that to be terribly unacceptable. 

Sometimes I feel like I am BAD AT WEIGHT LOSS. I mean, like really, really bad at doing what needs to be done to lose weight. I have had a registered dietitian at my disposal for six whole months and as of right now, I’ve only lost 2 pounds. I am in email contact with her daily and phone contact weekly. We have had some great talks and made great strides in a lot of areas but I haven’t been able to translate all that into a significant loss. So I’m asking myself: Have I really done everything I can to lose weight? No. No I haven’t. I could be putting in a lot more effort than I currently am right now. I do a lot of things right but I there’s so much I can improve on. Because if I were doing everything I could, I’d be a heckuva lot thinner right now I think. 

Some people (and even I myself) have said “I will do whatever it takes to lose weight”, but will we really? Are we? Are we honestly doing everything we can to lose the fat? My answer would have to be no, honestly, so that’s why I have been thinking what it is that I still need to do. And here’s what I’ve come up with so far:

My Plan of Attack 

  • Pre-plan my meals – an entire week would be great, but even 3 days would be an improvement. 
  • Add more veggies – I’m thinking a morning snack of raw veggies and hummus and maybe an afternoon snack of the same.
  • Give up coffee altogether? I’ll admit this one makes me cringe, and I’m already down to one cup per day (one precious, precious cup) but I’m wondering if I need to cut it out completely. OR I could cut out the 1 spoonful of sugar I add to my daily coffee. I’ll think about this one for awhile. 
  • STOP THE FREAKING GRAZING IN THE AFTERNOONS. Sheesh, this one kills me every day. All the BLT’s (Bites, Licks, Tastes) are killing my progress and it needs to stop. Wondering if I should start listing them here on the blog just so I’ll have an extra layer of accountability.
  • Add more movement to my day. I work out 5 days a week early in the mornings, but then I go to work and sit for 8 hours, then I go home and sit for at least another 2 hours in the evenings. I’m considering driving to the gym on my lunch break to at least walk around the indoor track. It’s $3 per day to do that, plus a 15-20 minute drive from my workplace to the gym. I’m just wondering if it’s worth the time and gas money to do that. There aren’t any local parks near my work place to walk, and also it won’t be long before it’s 100* here in Oklahoma, so walking outside is not a pleasant option. I’m not sure how to work this one out, but I know there has to be a solution in there somewhere. I could add a yoga class to my evenings twice a week. You know how I loves the yoga. 🙂

Those are the main things I need to work on/tighten up/focus on right now. I have an appointment with my doctor next month to talk about the Rebellion of my Lady Parts and hopefully she’ll have something helpful to add to my plan. I’ve also just started taking an iron supplement (my levels are borderline low) to help with my energy levels, as well as making an effort to get to bed earlier so I can get a decent night’s sleep. 

I have never struggled with anything this much in my whole life. Weight Loss is the one area that has totally and completely kicked my ass and I just can’t seem to get off the ropes and make a comeback. I seriously sometimes wonder “what is wrong with me” that I can’t lose ten freaking pounds?!  Ugh. But, I fight on…and on…and on because I just can’t give up and let things get worse than they are now and they will get worse if I don’t turn this thing around. 

Any suggestions are welcome – I’m open to hearing your opinions on all this. I really want to do this – get healthy, lose weight, keep it off, but wanting isn’t going to get it done. I need action. I need to put my plan in place and ACT on it. 




Peaks and Valleys

Happy Friday!

Yes I know in my last post I said I’d do a couple of review and award posts this week, but work has been extra-irritating this week and I didn’t have time. Guess you’ll just have to be satisfied with more of my ramblings today until I can get time to get my other posts together. 🙂

Last week was one of those weeks where things just fell into place, food-wise. Eating small, healthy portions felt effortless. At the end of every day, I felt satisfied and happy with how my day went. I was on a peak – the top of the mountain where all the work you’ve done has finally paid off with a gorgeous view (and a lower number on the scale). I love peak weeks!! 

This week, however, well…this has definitely been a week in the valley. My good groove that I had last week disappeared over the weekend and has yet to make a reappearance. At the end of the day, I want more. More food, more satisfaction, more…something.

I’ve noticed an underlying irritation just bubbling under the surface which is probably due to hormones (TMI: my monthly cycles are now coming 7 weeks apart instead of the usual 4. Perimenopause is fun!), but that still doesn’t answer the question of why I’ve found it so hard to get a grip this week. Maybe the whole thing is just hormones.

Maybe it’s my body trying to make up for what I didn’t eat last week. It’s as if my body realized that I was losing weight and said “Oh you think we’re going to shed some fat, do you? Well HAHA!! Stomach, increase your appetite to level 11!!” 

Or maybe I’m just in another valley and I need to ride it out until I hit my peak again. Over the last 5 months I’ve watched my body react to what I’ve been doing and what I’ve found is this: my weight loss is definitely a series of peaks and valleys. I lose some weight, then gain a little back, then lose some more, then gain, then lose, lather rinse repeat, but the losses have been greater than the gains (two steps forward, one step back). This last peak came after spending a considerable amount of time in a valley and I’m fairly confident that I will be hitting another peak sooner rather than later. I don’t want to spend any more time in the valley than I need to. 

One of the great things about working with Amanda is she has taught me that when I’m having a week like this, it’s okay. It’s nothing to get upset about – weeks like this happen. You just need to look at what’s going on, figure out a solution, and try to work it out. So when I talk with her this afternoon, I’m sure we’ll brainstorm some solutions and I’ll start climbing that peak again. 

In other news, I have finished my first week of the Baladea dvds* (well actually I have one short one to do tomorrow, but it’s an easy one). So far I like them! The only problem is that during this morning’s yoga video I seem to have re-injured the big toe that I hurt last December. I don’t think the toe healed properly because it’s always hurt just a little, but I had managed to baby it enough that it didn’t really give me any trouble. I’m not even sure what I did this morning, but it hurts quite a bit now. I’ve got a cold compress on it right now and I took a couple of Advil so maybe that will help. Maybe after a couple of days of taking it easy, it will be better. *fingers crossed*

That’s it for now. I’m hoping to make it to a farmer’s market tomorrow morning, then maybe a movie with my kiddos tomorrow afternoon. Looking forward to low gear weekend! 

*If you are considering ordering the Baladea dvds, would you please order them through this link? I’ll get $10 for every order that goes through this link. Thanks! You’re awesome. 🙂


Long Weekend Recap

Good morning all!

I hope you had a lovely weekend. Mine was pretty good – the weather was rather uncooperative all weekend but that didn’t stop me from napping and eating and watching movies and stuff. 

Here’s a quick recap:

Friday – midnight showing of the movie musical Grease. I left my house about 10:30 and the last time I left my house at 10:30 pm to go out for the evening was approximately 20 years ago. Old, is what I am. My friend Sandy and I stopped at a diner to get coffee (because again, old) where we chatted for about an hour before we went to the theater. I am not ashamed to tell you that I sang my ever lovin’ heart out during the movie (don’t worry, I wasn’t the only one) and if there had been room, I would have done the choreography also. But by the time I got home at 2:30 (A.M. !!!), I was wiped out and my voice was gone. I am way too old to stay out that late. I did get to sleep in a little bit, but the rest of the day I felt kinda strung out from being so tired. Oddly enough, Saturday was probably my best food day – I stayed on plan and didn’t have that “I’m so tired I need something to eat” feeling. Amanda had suggested staying hydrated, which I did, so I think that helped a lot. 

Saturday/Sunday – I don’t even remember what I did those days. There was a lot of napping (mostly because the weather was so cloudy and dreary), I do remember that. Sunday’s food was pretty good during the day, but I kinda lost myself Sunday night. Too much nibbling and grazing, which is usually the result of no structure or plan to my day. 

Monday – I got up and did my first Baladea dvd workout. It was a cardio workout and I was good and sweaty when I finished! Then later my son and I went to see the new X-Men movie (Hugh Jackman makes me *swoon*), then to the grocery store, then dinner and getting-ready-for-the-week stuff. Got to bed about 10:00pm and proceeded to toss and turn all night. I don’t know why, but I just couldn’t get good and asleep. Today I’m fighting to stay awake at my desk. Wishing coffee came in 5 gallon jugs like our water cooler does. Monday’s food was okay, except I ate too much popcorn at the movie theater, but other than that it was alright. 

I’ve planned out my food for today (including dinner) and got in another Baladea workout this morning (my muscles are already feeling it!!) so I’ve got a good start on the week. Just have to keep that momentum going and I’ll be golden. 

Okay Gal Pals, that’s all I’ve got time for today. This week I’ve got a Sunshine Award to talk about and a Luna protein bar review to post, so there should be a couple more posts this week. 🙂  Have a good Tuesday! 


Just stuff


This morning as I entered the kitchen my husband said “wow, you’re getting all kinds of new clothes” to which I replied “this old thing?” No, actually I said that this was not a new top, just one I haven’t worn much (it’s a summer top and it’s just now getting summer-y here in Oklahoma). I added, “but yeah, I have been buying a few new things here and there”, to which he replied “well that’s good!” to which my ears perked up and my brain translated as “YES DO MORE SHOPPING AND BUY MORE CLOTHES”. So yeah I’ma go do some more shopping today after work BECAUSE HE BASICALLY TOLD ME TO and it would be wrong to disappoint him. I’m doing it for him, really. Okay, not really – it’s all for me. Because clothes, y’all. 

I’ve been shopping a lot at CATO recently because their Women’s 14-16 size fits better than a regular XLarge and they are reasonably priced. Their smallest plus size tops fit my body better than the normal XL size tops because they are cut more generously in the hip and are a tad longer in length, which I love. And since CATO is not terribly expensive, I don’t feel so bad spending money on something that hopefully will be too large next spring/summer. *fingers crossed*

In other news, I bought some new fitness DVDs that Shelley had featured on her blog several months ago. I’ve been thinking of getting them for awhile now, but finally decided to bite the bullet and order them. I did a series of fitness dvds last summer and did really well with them. Keeping to a schedule is a big motivator for me apparently, because I don’t think I missed a day in 2 months, or if I did miss a day, I made it up at a later time. These new dvds arrived a couple of days ago, and I’ve been looking over the material and watching the videos (yes I’m a nerd – I need to know what to expect so when I do a fitness dvd, I have to watch it first so I won’t be confused while I follow along). The plan suggests starting on a Monday, so I’ll start on the 26th. The plan follows an 11 week schedule using 7 different dvds and I’ll probably do an update every now and then, so watch for that in the upcoming weeks. There is a nutrition guide as well, but since I’m still firmly ensconced in my Selvera program (update on that coming soon as well), I’m not going to pay so much attention to their nutrition plan. 

This weekend is going to be busy!  The 3rd 5k run in the Chase the Stars virtual 5k series is this weekend – it’s not too late to join! I’m glad this is a long weekend because I probably won’t get my run in until Sunday afternoon with everything else happening. Friday night, if I can stay up that late, my friend and I are going to see a midnight showing of the movie Grease at my local movie theater. I KNOW!!!! I’m so excited I can hardly stand it. I have a feeling I’m not going to be worth a plug nickel come Saturday*, but that’s okay – mama needs a night out!! Also, this is the last week of school for my kiddos, so they are having a couple of friends sleeping over on Friday night, and I promised them we could have a picnic at the park on Saturday. Sunday I’ll try to get my walk/run in, and then on Monday (tentatively), we’ll take the boat and go the lake for a day of swimming and hanging out. Should be a fun weekend, if I can keep it together and keep my eating under control. 

Speaking of that, I have found that planning out my meals the day before, or even the morning of, seems to really help keep me on track. I should probably make a plan for the whole weekend, just to be safe. 

It just occurred to me that I used to be very anti-boundary when it came to food and exercise. I was very “You can’t tell me what to do!” but now I find that having a plan and a schedule takes a lot of burden off of my shoulders. I’ve heard it said before that there is freedom in having boundaries and at the time I didn’t understand it, but now I’m starting to get it. Instead of having ALL THE FOOD IN THE WORLD to choose from, now my choices are limited to “what lean protein do I have on hand” or “which fruit do want to eat right now”. And knowing that missing tomorrow’s workout will mess up the whole week, I am less inclined to skip it, and I have to admit, I love crossing out the workouts when I complete them on my printed schedule that I keep on the fridge. Turns out, I kinda like my choices to be limited – I don’t have to think as much, which is nice because I have so many other things to think about (husband, work, kids, etc). It’s nice not having to devote so much mental energy to food. 

That’s it for me today. Wishing it were already Friday, but Thursday’s not so bad, I guess. It’s Friday Eve, after all! 🙂

*worth a plug nickle come Saturday? Who am I, Annie Oakley??? 

Phantom Dieting

If you’ve been on a weight loss program for awhile and you aren’t losing weight, you might be what I like to call, Phantom Dieting. 

Phantom Dieting is when you think you are following your program, but once you start asking yourself the right questions, you realize that maybe…eh, not so much. 

The inner dialogue goes something like this:

Me: GAH!! Why am I not losing weight? It’s been weeks since I’ve seen any real weight loss!

Inner Me: Well, are you still tracking your food everyday?

Me: Um…I tracked for half a day last Wednesday. 

Inner Me: So that would be a “no”. 

Me: Yeah. That’s a no.  

Inner Me: Are you still getting in a good sweaty workout most days?

Me: I got a little sweaty when I was putting the wet clothes from the washing machine into the dryer last night. Does that count?

Inner Me: Uh…no. 

Me: I guess I’ve been slacking on my workouts lately. So no, I haven’t been good and sweaty for several days. 

Inner Me: Are you staying away from grazing and/or nibbling on junk food? Are you filling up on fruits and vegetables and lean protein?

Me: Sh*t. 

Inner Me: Okay well, see here’s the problem – you keep telling yourself that you’re following your program, but your actions say something different. What you are doing looks like nothing like following your plan. You, my dear, are Phantom Dieting. 

Me: So I guess I need to start doing what works for me: tracking my food every day, getting sweaty most days, and staying far far away from the junk food. Basically I need to, you know, follow my plan. 

Inner Me: Good observation there, Sherlock.


By the way, this may or may not be an actual conversation that took place in my head. *ahem* 

So if your weight loss has stalled or isn’t moving in the direction you would like, you might need to have a hard conversation with yourself. Feel free to use the above as a template. I don’t mind sharing. 

Since I know I’m not terribly original or unique, I know someone else out there has done some Phantom Dieting of their own. How did you get yourself back on track or what was it that made you realize you were off the rails? 

And yes, I am tracking everything today and making sure everything I put in my mouth is beneficial to my body. Time to get things moving again. 

Guest Post: Healthy Changes Beyond Weight Loss

Andi Singer writes about health and fitness for IHM Online, pulling from life experiences and knowledge she has gained as a competitive athlete and personal trainer.


Losing weight is often the goal when making healthy lifestyle changes. I lost substantial weight in the past, and like everyone else, I still have “a few pounds left”. However, lately I have been focusing on more than just weight loss. I have been focusing on health, because after all, body weight does not determine health, but health can help improve body weight. Here are a few changes I have made recently in my own life to help me reduce some unnecessary stresses and live a healthier overall lifestyle.

Avoiding Restrictive Diets

I recently joined a workplace in the fitness industry which preaches a diet similar to Paleo. Grains are bad. Limit fruit. No dairy. LOTS of meat. The Paleo diet is great for a lot of people, but not for me.

While I have made the change of drastically reducing my grains (I used to eat three servings of pasta every day just for dinner!), I don’t think that a zero-grain diet is healthy for me, if for no reason other than it hurts my mental health. I struggled with an eating disorder in the past, so even with pressures from coworkers I have to stand up and say, “screw your science, I don’t need to eat for a “perfect body”. My mental health is more important!”

This doesn’t mean that all diets are bad. I think that diets that focus on lower-calorie meals and real food can help people, especially if they feel that they have substantial weight to lose. However I wouldn’t feel comfortable losing more than 10lbs, so at this point I’m focusing more on eating whole, healthy foods in moderation.


Ditching the TV

I haven’t had actual television service since I lived with my parents 4+ years ago, but I have access to my brother’s Netflix account. I went through a breakup in October, and Netflix and I started a steamy, all-consuming affair.

I had to disconnect from it recently when I realized how much I was missing out on. I normally work 10am-7pm, and when I would get home I would rush to watch as many episodes of junky reality fashion shows as I could fit in. I found that it started creating a lot of stress because I was prioritizing my shows over real life.

So, I ended up breaking all ties with Netflix about a month ago, and have since finished three books, gone to several local music shows, and spent a lot more time with my pups. As a writer/blogger, I feel like it’s a whole lot more productive for me to read or get out with friends than to watch people make fun of each others’ clothes.


Ditching the Computer

I have a lot of different tasks at my two different jobs, and much of my time is spent on my computer and tablet. I have three different email accounts that I have to strictly keep up on, and I have two different scheduling programs that I must coordinate. To top it all off, I have my own personal blog and Instagram account that I try to keep on top of (I gave up on Twitter.)

Just like TV, if I allow myself to use my computer after work, even if I think I’m being “productive”, I can get consumed on Facebook and Tumblr and either get to bed too late or just lose the quality of my sleep.

I get my blog content and Instagram stuff done during my breaks at work, and then when I get home, the computer is put away. I have healthy meals to cook, two puppies to play with, friends to go out with, and plenty of books to read, and I have much less stress in my life when I am able to focus on those things.

You may not have the same stressors as I do, but if you take a look at the things that cause you anxiety or may be interfering with productivity or sleep, you can take steps to eliminate or reduce those stressors and lead a happier, healthier life.



Thanks Andi!

I love healthy tips that are outside of the norm. What are some of your go-to tips for getting rid of unhealthy stressors in your life? 

Weekend Recap

Hey Kids! How was your weekend?

Typically by the time Friday rolls around, I am one exhausted mama and so Friday nights are filled with as little activity as possible. I usually pick up a pizza and the kids and I eat and veg in front of the TV (the hubs fishes in a weekly jackpot on Friday nights). Last Friday however, my youngest wanted to go to the park because the weather was absolutely beautiful. I hem hawed a little bit and finally decided that anything would be better than sitting around the house feeling miserable, so after a dinner of tacos (nobody wanted pizza AGAIN) off to the park we went . My youngest rode her scooter, while my oldest and I walked along behind her (my middle child was staying the night with a friend – why does life seem so much easier with one less child? And it doesn’t matter which child is gone, just having one less kid eases the choas considerably for some reason!)

It was a perfect evening if ever there was one. A perfect blue sky, very little wind, birds singing, families out enjoying their time together – it was such a great time. I got in an additional 5000 steps while we were there – we walked along the walking paths around the park for about an hour, and we enjoyed ourselves so much that we decided to try and do it again next Friday. If it isn’t raining, we’ll go again. 

Saturday was full of errands and laundry – I ate well Saturday, but felt tired a lot of the day. That evening, my husband and I cooked out on the grill – chicken and steak kabobs, fresh corn on the cob, and baked sweet potatoes. It was sort of supposed to be my Mother’s Day gift (more on that in a minute). Everything was going great until I went to heat up a can of Ranch Style beans (my husband’s favorite), walked away to go take care of something in the bedroom and completely forgot about the beans. About 20 minutes later I hear my husband in the kitchen, went in and realized I had let the beans burn in the pan. Apparently he was really looking forward to those beans because he got pissed off, and even after I apologized he was still pissed, so I got pissed off and we spent the rest of the evening and most of Sunday not talking to each other. Good times! 

And can I just get completely off topic here for a minute? I can’t remember sh*t anymore. The Ranch Style Beans Incident wasn’t the first thing I had forgotten last week. One day, I turned on the water hose to add some water to our koi pond, then completely forgot about it and left to go run some errands. The water ran for about 2 hours and our pond and flower bed were flooded. I also meant to put dinner in the crockpot one morning, but completely forgot about that too until I was already on my way to work. It’s just little things, but they seem to be happening a lot lately. I don’t know if it’s lack of sleep, perimenopause, or just too much to think about, but it’s getting super annoying.


Sunday, Mother’s Day, we got up early so we could go to eat breakfast and then go to church with my MIL. We met at Denny’s and I had the Fit Slam, which was really tasty and satisfying. After church we went straight to my mom’s house for lunch where we had lasagna and salad and garlic bread. I had a small piece of lasagna, 2 slices of french garlic bread, and a generous serving of salad. My mom made some weird pumpkin cake thing, which was really tasty but also really rich, so I only had a small portion of that. Then I spent the next two incredibly frustrating hours trying to get my mom’s wifi up and running, during which time I called my nephew who is a computer guy, and we worked on it until we finally got it going, but by that time I was a big ball of stress. My original plan had been to cut out of mom’s early and go to another walking trail with my family, but that didn’t happen. We just went straight home, and I went to my room to take a nap. 

So here’s my Mother’s Day rant: when does it get to be MY TURN? Every year, we have to split up the day or the weekend to be with my mom and/or his mom on Mother’s Day. Don’t get me wrong, I love our moms and I realize they won’t always be around for us to celebrate, but I feel like I get left out of the loop. I also feel very petty and shallow when I think about it this way.  But the fact is I would like a day to just hang out with my kids and feel appreciated ALL DAY LONG instead of running around all day trying to make sure everyone else is happy. So for me, Mother’s Day is usually kind of a let down and yesterday was no exception. Okay, whiny pity party over. End rant. 

So my weekend recap: Friday was great, Saturday kinda sucked, Sunday kinda sucked. I feel pretty good about my food choices overall, but I think I could stand to tighten things up on the weekends – weekdays are under control, but I still struggle with the weekends. My activity level was oh…kay, but it could have been better. 

I need to make some changes, redraw some boundaries, take back some holidays, take back some power. I’ve made a lot of healthy physical changes, but I need to keep working on some healthy mental changes as well. 

Well this was just delightful, wasn’t it?! Jill’s blog: come for the sass, stay for the whine!! Ugh. I’ll make sure my other posts this week are little more peppy and fun. 🙂 

I hope you all had a great weekend! 



A few weeks ago I made a goal for myself that I would be out of the 190s by the end of April. Early last week I weighed in at 191.3 – I was giddy thinking “I can do this!!” Well this morning I find myself still firmly entrenched in the 190s – 193.5 to be exact. I believe my exact words were “WHAT THE HELL?!” when I saw that number come up on the scale. I was sure I would see a loss today. 

We went out to dinner last night for my daughter’s birthday and I had a house salad with balsamic vinaigrette, then grilled shrimp and steamed broccoli for my entree. I did have one small yeast roll towards the end of my meal – hey, I’m proud that I held off for that long. I’m sure that the weekend’s activities and last night’s restaurant fare are partly to blame for the gain, but I am still frustrated. 

I’m frustrated because my body gives me no wiggle room when it comes to losing weight. I feel like I have to be 100% spot-on perfect in my diet and exercise in order to show a loss. That’s why it takes me so long to lose weight, because I cannot be that perfect every day. I can do it for a few days, but then something happens that causes me to go off course I choose, for whatever reason, to go off course. Sometimes it’s the “I deserve it” effect: I’ve been good for 4 days so I deserve a little bit of dessert. Most of the time though it’s not so much that I think I deserve it, but I think to myself things like “it’s okay if I eat ABC because I ran 3 miles this morning” or “It’s okay if I eat XYZ because I had a salad for lunch” or “I lost 1.5 pounds this week and obviously I’m on a losing streak, so it’s okay if I eat LMNOP and a little bit of QRSTUV as well.” It’s not so much I deserve this as it is I can get away with this.


Sometimes I feel like losing weight isn’t really about losing pounds of fat, it’s about looking inside yourself and realizing what a nut job you really are. 

I know logically the number on the scale is only one small teeny part of the big picture, and I know I’ve made leaps and bounds in my progress in other areas. I know this. I do. And I know also that I just need to keep plugging away and staying connected to my plan because it IS working, my body just enjoys taking the slow and steady route and I need to make peace with that. 

Please understand I’m just venting here. I think the weekend was a little too much for me and I’m still tired. I am pleased with the weight that I’ve lost so far and I know I’ll continue to lose. I also know that my weight pattern tends to go in a crazy zigzag and that my weight is usually up after the weekend, and I’ll buckle down and be perfect for a few days and the number will drop even lower. Two steps forward, one step back is still forward progress.

I just wish this cha-cha I’m doing would move a little bit faster. :/