The Sassy Pear

Finding my way through my forties

Me and Lindsey gonna be kickin it together at the Betty — January 3, 2011

Me and Lindsey gonna be kickin it together at the Betty

Raw (unrefined, unbleached) sugar, bought at t...
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Happy New Year!! I hope you all had a great weekend – mine was okay. Lots of sex, drugs and rock & roll (and by sex, drugs, and rock&roll, I mean television, candy, and a SisterWives marathon) and abuse of the sugary kind, but otherwise an okay weekend.

For those of you who know Debby, she sent me a quick note to let us all know that she is in Kenya and doing great!! She wanted me to let all of you know that she was alive and well so we all wouldn’t worry. I think she should be back this weekend – I can’t wait to hear how the trip went.

Okay, on to the abuse mentioned above – this weekend I really abused my body. Does the Betty Ford clinic have a program for sugar abuse? There should be. I would so check myself in and then I would go find LiLo and smack her around and tell her to snap out of it and grow up and quit being such a brat. Is what I would do. Anyway, I abused my body with lack of sleep and way, way, waaaay too much sugar. Oh it was awful. Saturday all I could do was lie around and be bitchy all day long. It was not pretty. I felt awful, and yet the worse I felt, the more I turned to sugar. When you eat so much sugar that you get a headache, there’s a problem there. I was actually starting to get worried for my health, so I made sure I slept a decent amount that night and then Sunday (yesterday) I drank a lot of water and tried to be as productive as possible. I felt better, but I’m really disturbed by that binge. I think I know I have a lot of work to do regarding my emotional eating issues. I think one of the biggest factors for me is sleep – if I don’t get enough sleep, it really sets me up for a binge. I just don’t seem to cope with life as well when I’m tired. It’s a good thing late nights like that don’t happen very often. More proof that I am not 25 years old anymore.

I wanted to see where I was this time last year emotionally, so I re-read posts from last January. I sounded so happy and full of hope, not at all the way I feel right now. For one thing I was 25 pounds thinner this time last year – not that being thin = happiness, but I was working out a lot and eating so much better , and I know that lends a lot to my emotional well-being. I was just starting to work with iChange (I still miss those guys over there), I was enjoying my work outs, I was running a little bit, and I think I was just a lot happier with life in general. Who knew it was all going to go to sh*t in a few short months? Maybe since I’m in such a blah state at the beginning of this year, the rest of the year will be better than I expect? I sure hope so.

Aren’t you so glad you stopped by to read this uplifting post? Don’t you feel inspired to go out and do something great with your life? Yes, I am right up there with Joni Ericson Tada and Helen Keller in the inspiration department. So full of the optimism, I am. 😉

Anyway, I start Boot Camp tonight and I am a little bit skeered. I am so out of shape, what if I am the one person who can’t keep up? I don’t want to be the one who stands around watching everyone else be fit while I sweat like a Bikram yogi while standing still.

Workout anxiety – I haz it.

But, but but but!! My hubs just texted me to let me know that our Wii Fit came in today, so yeehaw!! I’m really excited to try it out after Boot Camp tonight, assuming I don’t die at Boot Camp. Really, how awful would that be to have a heart attack and die all because I wanted to get healthy? Ugh. Anyway, WiiFit Plus – yay!!

I’ll post about Boot Camp tomorrow if, ya know…I’m still around. 




Wish I were There! — May 4, 2009

Wish I were There!

So, after my little freak out Saturday night, I woke up with a sugar hangover: full, bloated, and headachy. It took awhile to get back to normal, but I finally went to the store last night and stocked up on fruit so I could make a big bowl of fruit salad to munch on. Strawberries, blueberries, and pineapples have never looked so beautiful!

It drives me crazy that after everything I have read, researched, and blogged about I still have days where I act like such a moron. I mean really, you would think I would know better by now, but apparently not. My freak out of choice this time was various types of Little Debbie snack cakes: Swiss Rolls and Nutty Bars to be exact. I think there was one other one, but I can’t remember what it was. I haven’t eaten these things in probably years, and so I guess that’s why when I bought them, I thought it would be no big deal to have them in the house. I was wrong. I took one bite of my daughter’s snack and proceeded to swan dive over the edge.

What strikes me as funny is that my kids have no problem with these snacks. They take them in their lunches to school or have one in the afternoon, but they aren’t held captive to them (or to any food really) like I am. I guess it’s a good thing they haven’t picked up on my neurosis (yet).

I think though, that I am going to go back to keeping homemade treats in the house, and really start experimenting with healthy versions of our favorite snacks. I cannot afford to go crazy again like I did Saturday.

In the comments of that post, Debby said something that I’ve been thinking about a lot and this also relates to what Laura said in those same comments: Debby said she is never satisfied with cookies – she always wants more. I had never thought of it that way – that I wanted more because I wasn’t satisfied. I always thought that they were SO satisfying that I had to have more! But what Debby says makes perfect sense. I want more because I’m not SATISFIED. Dingdingding! The lightbulb goes on! And as far as what Laura was saying: anything can be turned into a binge food – this is SO very true. So maybe it wasn’t exactly the LD’s that did it, maybe that just happened to be the most readily available food at the time.

The point is, I am a work in progress, and that progress is not going to go in a straight line. As much as I hate to admit it, I am going to go take more detours than I would like, but God willing, I will get there one day. And where is there? There is a place where I can look at a cookie and not HAVE to devour it. There is a place where working out becomes a natural part of my day – not something I have to force myself to do. There is a place where I can feel good about my choices most days. That’s where I want to be. I want to be there. Does such a place even exist? If it does, and if you live there, can you please draw me a map? Or at least send me a postcard? Thanks that’d be great.

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