The Sassy Pear

Finding my way through my forties

Quitter — April 24, 2014

Quitter

Howdy! 

So hey guess what?! I hate running!! Ah, I love this time of year…it’s the season of quitting. Yes, folks more times than I can count I have emerged from a dreary winter and had aspirations of becoming a real runner, so I download a C25K program, buy new running shoes, and start running. Then approximately 6 weeks in, I realize “oh yeah!! I hate running!” and I quit. Seriously, there is very little I love about running. Oh, I wish I could love it or even like it a little, but alas, I like it about as much as I like mopping my floors, which is to say, not very much at all. 

At this weight, it’s just hard to run and it hurts and it takes me forever to get in and out of my straight-jacket heavy-duty sports bra. Yes, I know there are people who can rock a 5k at my weight and to those people I say more power to you! Run one for me because I’m happy to be in the walking pack in the back. 

I am a walker. And a yoga-doer (I don’t consider myself a yogi because that would convey that I have any sort of talent where yoga is concerned, which I do not, but I still love it). So those are the two things I am going to do for now. I might add in some other stuff here and there, but my main mode of moving my booty will be walking and bending. And if I’m feeling particularly plucky some days, I might throw in a jog during my walk, but I can guarantee it won’t last more than 30 seconds. I have my limits, people. 

Anything you want to admit to quitting? Anything you probably should quit, but haven’t yet? Spill it in the comments! 

 

 

Tight calves and Easter strategies — April 16, 2014

Tight calves and Easter strategies

Howdy! 

I’m blogging from home today due to the nasty stomach bug that attacked my youngest daughter early this morning. She’s sleeping comfortably right now and I’m trying to type quietly so as not to wake her (anyone know how to type quietly? is there such a thing?). 

I have a question that hopefully you runner-types can help me with: lately when I run my left calf gets really tight as I’m running. Why? Why does it do this? I normally walk for 5 minutes before running, so I think I’m getting warmed up sufficiently, and I stretch after I run. What else do I need to be doing? Regale me with your running secrets! 

I was a little worried about how to handle Easter, with all its chocolate and ham and chocolate and marshmallow Peeps, and chocolate, but after talking with Amanda about it, her advice was this: tighten things up for the next few days and then go ahead and  enjoy a few treats on Easter. She said to pick a few of my very favorites and enjoy them with no guilt. (!!!!) As far as Easter dinner goes, she said to eat whatever I wanted but just make sure they were small portions. And she stressed that I should not have any guilt at all – holidays were made to be celebrated, so go ahead and celebrate, but do it in a way that will make you feel good. Balance is the key – not perfection. 🙂 

I remember when I lost over 30 pounds a few years ago that Easter was the holiday where I let everything go and began my climb back up the scale. The months leading up to Easter had been very stressful and for some reason all the chocolate bunnies and Easter ham just sent me over the edge – and I happily swan-dived right into them. So I always feel a little anxiety where this holiday is concerned (really only just a little, but it’s still there). I don’t foresee myself going off the deep end again, especially since I have Amanda in my corner, but I’m very aware of how easy it would be to do that. 

Well, my little patient is requesting some ginger ale so I’ll wrap this up for now, but I wanted to ask – how do you all handle Easter? Bypass the bunnies or inhale all the ham? Answer below!! 🙂

 

BUI — April 8, 2014

BUI

Um, wow. Well yesterday’s post was just weird…and random. Take note, kids: never blog while under the influence. Even if it is just antihistamines. Blogging Under the Influence is bad for the planet. And it makes the angels cry. Don’t make the angels cry. Not even once. 

Lots of stuff going on in the world of The Pear. I’m still working with my amazing coach/ RD extraordinaire, Amanda – this woman deserves a medal for sticking with me this long. It’s been just over 3 months and I feel like I must be a tough nut to crack. She says I’m too hard on myself (actually lots of people tell me that now that I think of it), but when I keep repeating the same mistakes over and over, it gets a little aggravating for me. We are working on getting me OUT of those ruts, but man, it’s a long and winding road (thank you Paul McCartney). 

Okay, here’s my latest food-dilemma: for a long time, I did really well with staying away from sweets unless it was something I planned for, but lately I find myself dipping into the cookie jar again. I mean literally, I have a cookie jar and I can’t seem to stay out of it. Now, the logical advice would be to stop buying the d@mn cookies, I realize that, but I already bought them. They have already taken up residence in my house and made themselves at home. And no I’m not going to throw them away –  I’m just not. So. How do I make myself not get sucked into the lie I tell myself (oh, one cookie won’t hurt. You deserve it!!) because it NEVER ends with one cookie. It rarely ends with 4 cookies, but I digress. A couple of ideas I’ve thought of include putting a red sticker on the offending jar to remind myself to Stop Drop And Roll Away from the kitchen, or I could even tell myself that I can have the cookie but I have to do 100 jumping jacks or 25 Burpees to even it out – the idea being that since I hate doing anything remotely jump-y I’ll forego the cookie so I won’t have to jar my body. Got any other bright ideas or deterrents or magical suggestions for me?? 

In other less-whiny news, I’ve also taken up running (again) 3 days a week. I downloaded this app to my phone and now every(ish) MWF, I’m up at 5:20 IN THE MORNING  and I’m pounding it out on the treadmill. I’d like to start running outside because running on a treadmill is fourteen kinds of no fun, but it’s dark at 5:20 in the a.m. and I’m a big baby. Okay, I guess that was kind of whiny, but hey at least I’m running again. 

On Tuesdays/Thursdays I’m getting my zen on. I’ve been given a subscription to a yoga website, but I’m having some technical issues with some of the videos and I want to see if they can help before I out them. They have some great office yoga videos that I’ve been making use of and I love it! It feels so good to get in a good stretch in the middle of the day. When I can’t get into their videos, I just pull up a routine from My Pocket Yoga app on my Kindle Fire – that’s what I did this morning. It was enough to get me sweaty this morning, so I call it a win. There was a lot of downward-dogging this morning so I’ll be lucky if I can lift my arms tomorrow.

And now for something completely different: My hubs and I got a really nice complement today: we ran into an old friend today and we chatted with him for several minutes before saying our goodbyes. As we were leaving he said, “Hey! You’re still married – good job!!” and he pumped his fist in the air a couple of times. He said “it’s nice to see someone staying married for a change!!” He’s been divorced for several years, and just in the last couple of years a lot of my husband’s friends have gotten divorced as well, and I just found out today that another couple we know just got divorced. The hubs and I will celebrate 18 years of marriage this summer, and I’m SUPER HYPER AWARE that a lot of couples divorce even after 20+ years together. I know we still have a long way to go, but it was nice to have someone acknowledge that 18 years together is an accomplishment. ♥

I suppose that’s all I have to tell for now. I’m going to make a concerted effort to blog more than 3 times a month. It’s one of those things I love, yet lately I don’t make time to do it. Gotta fix that. So expect to see a little bit more of my ramblings in the coming days. Yay? 

Catch ya later tater tots! 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So I did this today — March 22, 2014

So I did this today

 

Kyra is hosting a Virtual 5k Race Series and today was the first race. I walked/jogged 3.25* miles in 56:12 on my treadmill in my garage because it was supposed to be cold and rainy this morning. Well it’s chilly outside but not rainy so I could have run outside, but since I slept in until 9am this morning (Nyquil), and I needed to make breakfast for the kiddos, I decided to call up my ol’ pal Liz Lemon and have her run with me via The Netflix. 

I walked most of those 3 miles, but about every 5 minutes, I threw in a 2-3 minute jog. I think that on Monday I’m going to start a couch to 5k training plan. I’d really like to get myself back up to running a lot more – it’s true what they say “if you don’t use it, you lose it”. I’m also going to try and start running outside more, at least on the weekends. Treadmill running sorta sucks. :/

Protip: don’t walk/run 3 miles on an empty stomach. I did fine during the walk, but at the end I was spent. It took all my energy to get myself into the shower and wash off. But then I made a fabulous breakfast consisting of a whole wheat pancake, 2 eggs, and some strawberries and after eating that I felt 100% better, so it’s all good. Next time I’ll eat a little something beforehand so I don’t have to crawl to the shower afterwards (just kidding, I didn’t really crawl. Zombie-walked is probably more accurate). 

You can still get in on the action if you want – just go here and sign up. There’s also a handy Facebook page for the participants. It’s a fun time – you should totally join. All the cool kids are doing it. Just sayin’. 😎

*yes, I know a 5k is actually 3.1 miles but my treadmill only advances in .25 increments. My plan was to stop once it got down to .15 but I forgot and did the whole 3.25 miles. *sigh*

Race Recap: The Color Run — June 27, 2012

Race Recap: The Color Run

The Color Run was a blast!! I ran with a team of friends – our team was called The Psychedelics and our ages were pretty scattered. I ran with my good friend Natasha, her mom (who is probably 10-15 years older than I am), Natasha’s cousin Paige, and a couple named Jake and Trina. Other than Nat’s mom and I, everyone else was in their mid to late 20s (this will be important later on). So you’ve got the older mom-types running with all the “kids”.

Once we finally figured out where we were going and where to park (it’s a miracle I didn’t get a parking ticket) we walked about 6 blocks to the race site. You could hear the music thumping and the drone of people laughing and talking long before we arrived at the park – I think everyone there was in a great mood! Some people dressed in costumes, some in tutus, lots of wild wigs and fake mustaches – there was something to see every where you turned. The only rule for this race is that you must wear a mostly-white shirt. I wore the shirt that came with my packet.

Clean and pristine!

We got in line right at 8am – and then a few minutes later the first wave of runners was let go – here’s how many people were in this race – they let waves of 1000 go about 5 minutes apart!! We finally got let go at just a few minutes before 9am – we waited almost an hour in the chute. It was fun though, chatting and laughing with each other and the other runners.

So we finally start off and because someone has an evil sense of humor, the first quarter mile or so is UP HILL. No easing into it – just grit your teeth and go.  That was really the only hill, it was pretty flat from there on out (thank goodness!). There were so many people there that it was hard to get a good running pace, but we ran for awhile then decided to slow down and walk a bit. Theresa (Nat’s mom) and I kept picking up runs then we would slow down and wait for the others to catch up (we wanted to stay together as a group because it would have been so easy to get lost in a sea of 10,000+ people).  At every 1k there was a Color Station – each station was a different color and most people were walking through the stations because hey, we paid a lot of money to get that color, we wanted to make sure we got our money’s worth!

Not long after the first station Trina was asking “Where’s the halfway point? Are we almost at the halfway point?” Um…no, we just passed the first 1k – we’ve still got a few to go! I turned around at one point and said to the kids “okay gang, let’s run a bit!” and was answered with a resounding “NO!”.  So I looked at Theresa and said, “you wanna run?” And she said “heck yeah let’s do it” so we ran for quite a while then slowed down to let the team catch up. We went through a couple more stations, finally hit the halfway mark and grabbed a drink, then went for the final stretch.

By this time, most of the team was starting to wear down – except for Theresa and I. The “kids” were not looking so good – it was pretty hot and there was only one drink station along the whole course (I’ll gripe about that more in a minute). I still felt really strong and excited, a little tired, but not worn out. We went through the rest of the color stations…

I guess I should explain the color stations a bit better – at each color station there were volunteers who had big bottles (think mustard and ketchup diner condiment bottles, but a little bigger) that were filled with a very fine, dusty colored powder, sort of like cornstarch (which is what I think it actually was). When you run (or walk) by the volunteers squirt your midsection with the powder (they are told NOT to aim for the face). After 5 color stations, you come out looking like a tie-dye experiment gone horribly wrong. It’s great!

Anyway, we went through the rest of the color stations (yellow, orange, pink, green, and blue – so pretty!) and when we had the finish line in sight we started to rip open the color packets that were given to us in our race packet and Natasha and I sprinted for the finish line. As soon as we all crossed the finish line we all had a color fight – throwing color on each other and in the air – it was AWESOME!! Technically, you are supposed to save your color packets for the big Color Festival at the end, but we knew we weren’t going to stay that long. So we just let loose with the color and went wild.

So happy to see this!

Unclean! Unclean!

 

Color me colorful (from head to toe)!!

The Good and the Not So Good

It’s a Major Award:  I was really surprised and happy that I was able to not only keep up with, but out-do the 20-somethings on my team! They had admittedly not trained for this, but considering we walked 85% of the way, I expected them to be full of energy and that I would be the one sucking wind by the end. Not so! The two old ladies on the team were the ones leading the way the whole entire race! It was nice to have validation that all those Zumba classes and early morning runs on the treadmill actually did produce results. It also gave me my running mojo back. I was getting bored with running and had been slacking lately, but I think I’m going to pick it up again and keep going.

Major Gripes:  Okay, although The Color Run was two tons of fun, I do have some complaints. 1) Only ONE drink station for the whole course????  The one and only drink station was at the turn around (halfway) point, and they served warm water in tiny cups. No Gatorade, just lukewarm water. Any other 5k I’ve done has at least 2 or 3 drink stations along the course, and considering it was already 90 degrees at 10 in the morning, I thought that was very uncool to not have more/better drink stations.  Gripe #2) After the race there was a big round water trough that had several spouts on it – you had to grab a little cup and wait to get to an available spout to get MORE lukewarm water. I was really looking forward to getting a banana after the race because I was hungry, but nooooo. All they had was some granola bars. That’s it. No bananas or oranges or bagels or anything. Just some dinky, melty, too-sweet granola bars. I ate about half of mine and then started to gag. The rest went into the trash can. Considering the price of the entry fee ($40), I expected a lot more from this race in terms of hydration/refueling. Luckily I made sure to get plenty of water the day before and the morning of the race, otherwise I would have been sorry!

Overall it was a blast and I hope I can do it again next year. If the Color Run comes to a city near you, I highly recommend signing up. It’s not a timed event, so you can take as long as you need (it took us almost exactly an hour, we weren’t in any hurry). And honestly unless you were in the first couple of waves of runners, it’s actually hard to run because there are so many people – my bib number was over 10000 and I signed up a few weeks before they filled up. I’m guessing there were probably ~12000 people doing this race.

It was fun and I’m glad I did it. It boosted my confidence and gave me some much-needed time to be crazy and laugh with friends, and who can’t use a little more of that in their lives?

So yeah, Color Run.  🙂

All over the place — May 31, 2012

All over the place

My thoughts are zigzagging this week which is why I haven’t posted. I can’t get a clear theme in mind, so I’ma just dump it all out and see if you can make anything of it.  Good luck with that.

The holiday weekend (and the 2 days since) kicked my tail. I admit I went on a kind of Last Supper-type binge  that has lasted 3 days. You know that saying “you can’t eat junk food if you don’t bring it into your house”? Well conversely, you can’t eat healthy food if you don’t bring it into your house, either. It’s hard to pack a salad for lunch when you don’t have any salad greens. And it’s hard to eat an apple with peanut butter if you don’t have any apples. The point is, I need to get my arse to the grocery store and stock up. I feel like I’m banging my head against a brick wall trying to play the “what’s healthier” game – a ham sandwich on white bread or an ice cream sandwich? Is it any wonder my weight is back up to 187 today? Lesson Learned: go to the damn grocery store already!!

I’ve been following Kindle’s Ease into 5k program, which is great for treadmill running, but I’m getting into the longer continuous runs now and I don’t like it. I don’t want to run for 26 minutes straight without a walk break. It makes me dread the upcoming runs and makes me want to NOT do them at all. And since I’m such a slow runner, I never seem to get in more than 2 miles anyway during the allotted time and I want to know that I can run 3 miles without puking or dying. SO…I’m going to finish my training my own way: run 10 minutes, walk 2 minutes, repeat until 3.1 miles is completed. That’s my plan for the next 3 weeks until The Color Run. I’m getting really excited about running it, I think it’s going to be F-U-N fun!

Here’s the part where I zigzag: I find myself vacillating between committing to my weight loss goals once and for all or chucking the whole idea entirely and not worrying about it anymore. On the one hand, I’ve got a lot of really helpful tools I can use to help me get to my goal weight, but a bunch of shiny new tools are useless if you never open the stupid tool box and put them to use. Using these tools takes time and patience to form the habit of using them – a lot of mental energy and focus is needed to do this. I could do it, I just need to COMMIT to doing it. On the other hand, why am I trying to lose weight anyway? I’m running and going to Zumba again, my husband still loves me, I’ve got an excellent life…why again is losing weight so important to me? So I can look good in a pair of jeans? Is that really where I want my time and energy to go? To attaining the perfect butt? Sometimes in the grand scheme of things, this whole weight loss thing just seems so trivial (to me). But on the other hand, I realize that just because I don’t have health issues NOW doesn’t mean I won’t get them in the future if I don’t lose weight now. But on the other hand (yes I have four hands, it comes in handy (ha!) with 3 kids), I feel like if I am focused on weight loss, I’m not focusing on other more important things like volunteering for some worthy cause. Why can’t I do both? Have you met me? I do not multitask well. I have burned many dinners because I decided I needed to pay bills (or something else) whilst cooking. So what’s a perimenopausal girl to do? I don’t know. Seriously, I DON’T KNOW. Tell me, Oh Wise Readers, how I should live my life!  😉

Speaking of being perimenopausal (good gravy that is a long word to type out), I picked up a package of Estroven Plus Mood & Memory at the store the other day. It’s basically a mulitvitamin with some black cohosh and ginkgo biloba thrown in. I’ve been taking them for about 10 days now and I can definitely tell a difference. I’m 4 days away from my Lady Time and I have very few PMS symptoms right now. No tenderness in my ta-tas, no wildly swinging emotions, I haven’t felt the need to punch anyone in the throat…I just feel really EVEN. It’s a good feeling. Strange, but good.  Let’s hope this feeling lasts. Forever.

Okay, so that’s it for now. It’s almost my lunch hour and I’m going to head to the local grocery store and pick up a premade salad and some fruit for lunch. Then after work today, I’ll do a real grocery shop and get plenty of healthy stuff and you all won’t have to hear me bitch and whine about not having anything healthy to eat. Sounds good to me! 🙂

 

 

The Birthday 5k recap — March 11, 2012

The Birthday 5k recap

Well, it wasn’t pretty, but I did it. And I take back everything I said about Mother Nature – she was awfully good to me Saturday morning. In fact, it was so beautiful out that before the race even started, I had already shed 2 of the 4 layers I was wearing and I ended up shedding that third layer 1/4 of the way through the race.

I'm #1!!

Apparently I was the first person to register for the race. Several times throughout the run other runners would point to me and say “hey you’re number one!!” to which I would reply “At least if I come in dead last, I’m still #1!!”

Waiting for the start.

Shawn and the kids came out to cheer me on, which was really nice. I’m glad they were there because my 2 friends who were supposed to run with me both had to cancel. It would have been a lonely day if my little family hadn’t been there.

So we start the race and I’m doing okay for about the first half mile then I begin to struggle. This race was an out-and-back and what I didn’t realize until later was that the first part of the race was on a slight incline most of the way. It was tough. Then about halfway through, my right food started to go numb. Then the middle toes on my left foot started to ache along with my arch. I thought that maybe my shoes were tied too tight, so I stopped for a moment to retie, but that didn’t really help at all. Pretty soon my whole right foot was completely numb, but since I couldn’t feel anything it also didn’t hurt anymore.  I don’t know if it’s my shoes or my weight, or a combination of both, but I don’t want to go through that hell again.

I ended up walking quite a bit more than I had intended. I just didn’t have it in me to run as much as I wanted to – guess I’ll have to keep working on that. I did run the last half mile – very slowly, but I knew the finish line was coming so I just hung in there as much as I could.

I'm smiling because I can see the finish line.

I crossed the finish line at 44:23. I figured it would probably take me about 45 minutes, so I was right on. However, 2 years and 25 pounds ago, I ran a 5k in 36:21 (and I had hardly trained for that race), so you can see what a big difference all that weight makes. I really want to run faster, which means I really need to lose weight and train outside more often than I have been.

After my race, we went home and showered and headed over to my mom’s house to have my birthday with my sisters and their families. I got a Coach purse from one sister (yay!!) and the coolest necklace from my other sister – it’s a necklace made from a 1933 typewriter key with my initial “J” on it. Mom gave me a gift card which I am going to use next weekend. I love birthdays!!

All in all it was a really great day and I’m glad I did the run. I’ve got my eye on a race in May – we’ll see about it when it gets closer. I definitely want to run some more races this year – it’s just way too much fun to quit with one!! 🙂

 

I thought this was going to be a great post, until I couldn’t remember what it was that I wanted to blog about. — April 15, 2009

I thought this was going to be a great post, until I couldn’t remember what it was that I wanted to blog about.

My coffee and I are at odds with each other this morning. First, it spilled all over my leg as I was getting out of my car this morning. Then when I opened my thermos to pour more coffee, it spilled again all over my desk. Then as I as filling up my coffee cup, it spilled again when I put my creamer in. What is going on?!?! Coffee is the one good thing I can count on in my day and now it’s turning against me!!! Why, Coffee, why?!?I also have a cold, which doesn’t make me a very happy camper. My throat is scratchy and my eyes are itchy and I’m sneezing and snarfling every few minutes. I hate being sick. Being sick sucks.

But as bad as my day has started out, I’m not in a bad mood and I think it can all be attributed to my awesome work out last night. It was 70* and sunny yesterday so I gathered up the kids, went to the park, and did some great interval training. Sounds very pre-planned and impressive, no? Honestly, I didn’t know I was doing an interval workout until I read MizFit’s post this morning, so don’t be impressed. I jogged/walked for 25 minutes and really enjoyed the walking part. Then I went home and after dinner I put in another 30 minutes on the elliptical, which included more interval training (which I didn’t realize was interval training at the time, either). So 55 total minutes of working out yesterday and today I feel good despite the runny nose! Yea me!

I went to the park with every intention of running, but I discovered something. I HATE RUNNING! There. I said it. I am not a runner! Running hurts, it’s hard, and I do not enjoy it!! Sorry Laura – I tried to be cool like you, but alas, it is not to be. I finally came to terms with what I really am: (no, not a wuss, although a case for that could be made) I am a WALKER. Yes, a walker. I can walk faster than I can run and I get a good workout when I walk. Hell, I lost 30 pounds by walking so why would I want to mess with that winning formula? I admit, I get bored just walking, hence the elliptical, but it’s easy, I sweat a lot when I do it, and I can fit it in anytime, so walking it is. I am going to keep adding a little jogging in with it like I did at the park yesterday, so for now I Am Walker, Texas Ranger Hear Me Roar. Honestly, it feels kinda liberating to accept what I am and let go of what I think I should be.

Um, let’s see what else is going on? There were so many things I wanted to blog about and now I can’t think of any of them. Oh, hair update! I have made the appointment with my stylist for next Tuesday – what will the result be? You’ll just have to wait a week to find out! (This blog seems to be all about the hair these days, maybe I should change the name to The Sassy Hair?) I have an idea now of what I want and even found a pic for T to reference when she cuts it. I love getting new hair!

Well I can’t think of anything else right now. If I think of something else, I’ll post it later. Have a great day!

Somebody stop me — April 1, 2009

Somebody stop me

Next time I start out saying, “I’ve been doing really well with xyz…” somebody stop me, because that is a surefire way of xyz coming to a screeching halt. Remember how I said exercise has been consistent? Well apparently Consistent Week ended on Saturday because I have not done one minute of any kind of workout whatsoever. Sunday I was just plain lazy, Monday I had good intentions but never got around to it, and yesterday I bought groceries after work and by the time I got home, unloaded and put away the groceries, cooked dinner, I had missed my window of workout opportunity. Tonight is church, so no work out tonight either. I am going to have to really jam Thursday through Saturday.

On the upside though, I did not buy any junk food at the store yesterday. I bought lots of fruits and veggies and stuff for dinners, but no sweets. Usually I’ll buy junk because the hubs and kids complain if there isn’t anything to “snack” on, but I figure if they want a snack, they can eat fruit or air popped popcorn or something like that. In other words, they’re just going to have to deal with it, and so am I. I was fine until after dinner (tacos, yum) when suddenly I needed a little “something”. I always want a little “something” after dinner and usually that something is something sweet. That’s when I regretted not buying any sweets at the grocery store, so I scrounged around and found the last two striped shortbread cookies that I had bought about a week ago. I ate them quickly and then cursed myself for doing it. It’s a habit that is going to be hard to kill, but maybe I can put it in a coma for awhile.

I have a running question: how do you deal with the wind? It has been super windy here the last few weeks and when it’s windy like this, I don’t want to run. But living in Oklahoma (where the WIND comes sweeping down the plain), this is something I’m going to have to learn to deal with if I want to be a runner.

Oh! I had an Aha moment yesterday: I need to do something about my PMS.

(Insert crickets chirping here)

What? You’re not shocked that I made this realization?

I know what you are thinking, “Well duh Jill! You only complain about it every month!” But really, it has gone from being mildly annoying to causing actual conflict in my life. When I am PMSing, it usually comes in the form of burning, seething, rage. My whole body feels like a clenched fist and suddenly everyone is an effing moron and if someone looks at me funny, they should be prepared to face my wrath. I snap at the kids for no reason and the hubs and I have had terrible fights the last three months during that time. My job and everything about it gets on my nerves – so much so that I consider walking out. It’s becoming a problem and I need to do something about it.

This article from WebMD is a good place to start I think. A short internet search of several articles led me to the same conclusion: exercise and diet can help alleviate a lot of PMS symptoms. The WebMd article says to eliminate my four favorite things: caffeine, alcohol, chocolate, and salt. I’m not a big drinker, but PMS time seems to be the perfect time for a glass of wine! And we all know how much of the other stuff I consume: a lot. But I can’t keep continuing to turn into a Nazi every month or else I may find myself divorced and unemployed, so I’m going to give this a shot. The article also says to take calcium and vitamin B6 supplements, so I may give that a try too. I need to take calcium anyway, but adding the B6 is something I hadn’t thought about. Guess I’ll be making a trip to Walgreen’s this afternoon.

Hmmmm…just had a thought: the worse my eating has gotten over the last 3 months, the more weight I have gained and the worse my PMS has gotten. Coincidence? Something tells me, no.

ETA:  I think I need to clarify my running question.  When I say “wind”, I actually mean wind, not gas.  Somebody first thought I was asking about passing gas while running. Um, no. That’s not what I meant.  I mean do you still run when the wind is blowing 20 mph or do you just scrap your run for the day?

Square One — March 27, 2009

Square One

This has been a crazy busy week and I’m so glad it’s almost over. I’m really looking forward to waking up late tomorrow and watching the snow fall – yeah, we’re supposed to get snow! Winter’s a stubborn little kid who just has to get the last word in.

Not a lot happening here. I’ve been working out fairly consistently – putting my running shoes and my elliptical to good use, but my food has been awful. The last year might as well have never existed because I have fallen smack dab in the middle of my old ways. I’m eating crap that 6 months ago I would never have considered eating, ie the corndogs we had for dinner last night. I should have my Mother of the Year card revoked because I fed my family corn dogs and mac and cheese for dinner with nary a veggie in sight. Can you get much crappier than that? I don’t think so. It’s getting close to payday which means the kitchen pantry is at code yellow – not a whole lot to choose from in there. But really that’s just an excuse: I’ve been really lazy about my food. It’s so hard to get back on track when you dive head first off the wagon. I’m still thinking about South Beach again, but then I think I just need to watch my calories, but I don’t want to fill my 1500 cals with brownies and ice cream. I’m going to start my loggin my food into FitDay (again) and see if that doesn’t open my eyes a little bit.

I really think that if I could learn to live without sugar, I’d be golden. But the thought of giving up sugar sends me into a near panic. I’m serious – whenever I read literature about giving up sugar entirely I can feel the anxiety rising in my chest and my pulse quickens. Cutting out sugar and sweets and junk food is almost a foreign concept to me – I can’t quite wrap my brain around it, and I’m not sure I really want to. This sounds weird to say, but I feel like sugar is part of my identity. Being a sugar-holic is a big part of who I am. Other people may not see it, but I know it. Sweets bring me more joy than I would care to admit. Isn’t that sad?

I feel like I am back at square one. I hate starting over.

*Today’s little ray of sunshine of a post brought to you by the letters P,M, and S.

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