The Sassy Pear

Finding my way through my forties

Food reactions, by golly! — May 18, 2012

Food reactions, by golly!

Ugh. Instead of going down the road of “I’m a failure” every time I mess up with food, I’m trying to learn from it. Here are some things I have learned about myself over the last few months:

  • 2 glazed donuts = I feel okay. Eating 3 (or more) donuts makes me feel like I’m gonna hurl.
  • Eating flour tortillas make me want to take a nap. Carb coma anyone?
  • I can’t get enough cereal. Any kind of cereal. One bowl is never enough, so it’s better if I just don’t eat it at all. (Hi I’m Jill and I’m a cereal junkie.)
  • Egg noodles are addictive and I don’t want to stop eating them. They make me feel sluggish and bloated.
  • I am at this point powerless against commercial birthday cakes. Buttercream icing makes me want to do bad things in a food porn kinda way.
  • PopTarts and milk at 10 o’clock at night are never a good idea. Waking up with a stomach ache is no way to start the day.

So basically what I’m learning is that simple carbs are not my friend. Duh. I never said I was the brightest bulb in the lamp.

I guess I’m the type that can read all the nutritional information in the world, but until I experience it myself first hand, I’m not going to believe it. At the beginning of this week for about 3 days most of my meals consisted of a lean protein and vegetables or fruit and nuts. I had tons of energy and felt almost…euphoric? I was nearly giddy – it was weird. As the week progressed and got busier, I opted for the old standby meals which are basically meat, starch, and a starchy vegetable. By last night I was so tired and had a stomach ache and just felt miserable – I don’t want to keep feeling that way.

Looking at my body as if it’s a big science experiment instead of judging myself for not being perfect is probably much healthier in the long run. It’s amazing what you can learn when you take away the judgement and self-flagellating thoughts, and instead observe how your body reacts to certain foods.

I may be 41 years old, but I’m still learning. I don’t know how long it will take me to get this figured out enough that I can be consistent enough to lose all the excess weight, but by golly I’m going to keep trying. (Yes. Yes I did just say “by golly”. Apparently I’m channeling my grandpa today.) 

Happy Weekend folks!! 🙂

Believe it — May 17, 2012

Believe it

Let’s play a little game today. Trust me it’s fun as well as enlightening!

First a question: What do you believe is holding you back from achieving your goals or getting the results you want?

Do you have your answer? Take a moment to think about it if you like, I’ll wait…

Got it? Good.

(For me,  I don’t really, honestly, truly, deep down in my believer, believe that I can lose this weight. Which is sad, but I really think this is it.)

Second, imagine flipping that around and saying “I DO believe I can lose this extra weight” (or you can say the opposite of whatever your answer is).

Now, here’s the cool part…think about how you would FEEL if you did believe the flipped-around version of your answer. Close your eyes and really focus on the emotions you would have if you truly believed it. What would those emotions be?  And what would the resulting actions be?

For example, how would I feel if I KNEW I could lose this extra weight?  How would that impact my actions?

If I believed (and I mean 100% believed) I could lose this weight, I would feel like nothing could stop me. I wouldn’t question whether or not I could consistently exercise or consistently make healthy choices when eating, I would just do it. I would always have my goal in the back of my mind influencing my decisions and it would be rather simple to make the best possible choice in the moment.

So maybe instead of relying on my actions to get me to my goal, I should instead rely on BELIEVING I can do it which will in turn lead to the actions needed to make that goal a reality.

I’ve been doing this backwards for 16 years. Most of you probably have been doing it backwards too. It’s time to take a different approach, don’t you think?

Edited to add: I wrote this post last week and since then, I have been focusing on BELIEVING I can lose the weight and have peace with food. I’ve using some techniques (that I’ll post about later) to help cement this belief in my head, and you know what? IT’S WORKING. I’m starting to truly believe that I CAN do it, and as a result I’ve been eating better and working out has more meaning – and it’s not such a struggle to do either one. This whole idea elaborates on what my guest poster was talking about in this post. 

Did you do this exercise? And if you did, what emotions came up for you? If you want to share, feel free in the comments. Also, anyone else have Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing stuck in their head after reading this? 😉

Fun at the pharmacy (not) — April 19, 2012

Fun at the pharmacy (not)

So after work yesterday I went to get my prescription for my rosacea-not-lupus skin cream filled. While walking around the drug store waiting for the pharmacist to do his thang, I wondered how much it would cost – I figured around $25, but then I thought no, it would probably be expensive just because everything is so expensive these days. When I heard my  name called, I walked up to the counter and the pharm tech slid the package across to me, pointed to the price and said in a lowish voice “were you aware of this?”  I looked at the price and I swear my eyes did that cartoon thing where they bug out several inches from my face and I think I made a weird noise as well.

$176.24 

!!!!!!!

I’m pretty sure I said “ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS?!?” (this seems to be my go-to phrase lately). He just shook his head and very sympathetically said, “no, I’m sorry but that’s the price. It’s actually higher than that, but your insurance paid a little on it already.”  I’m sure I stood there for a full five minutes ranting (not at the pharm tech guy – I realize he had no control over how much it cost) but ranting, nonetheless and he said (again very sympathetically) “you know you don’t have to take it. You can always call your doctor and see if there is another option.” I even said, “yeah I’ll do that because paying that price is just crazy!”. I stood there for a few more minutes (no one was behind me in line, don’t worry) and then for some reason I said “you know what let’s go ahead and do this”. He said “Are you sure?” and I said “yes”.

I don’t know why I did, but I did.

We have a health savings account that we thankfully, have not had to use very much, and that’s one of the reasons I went ahead and got it. The money was there, but still I think it’s just crazy to charge that much for face cream. I had asked the pharm tech why it was so much and he said it’s a new drug, there is no generic for it, and when new drugs come out they are always pretty expensive. Darn you pharmaceutical companies!!! *shaking fist in air*

I think I was seriously shell shocked. I walked out of the drug store with instant buyers remorse. Then the negative thoughts started and it was ugly: “I am so stupid for paying that much. I’m so stupid for not pushing that package back across the counter and saying ‘No, I refuse to pay that.’ I am so stupid for being so impulsive and not giving it a day to think about it. Why do I always have to learn these lessons the hard way? Why did I just do that? Why didn’t I just use the the teensy sample she gave me before I plunked down $200 for something that might not work? Why am I so stupid????”

These thoughts played in my mind over and over for the next half hour, until I finally told myself “I have got to stop with these thoughts. What’s done is done and beating myself up is not going to make the situation better.” I decided to counter my negative thoughts with more positive, less hurtful ones:

  • I’m not stupid, what’s stupid is charging that much for medication in the first place
  • It’s stupid that my doctor didn’t warn me about the price (although I wonder if she had any idea it was that much either)
  • It’s stupid that my doctor didn’t just give me several samples and THEN given me the scrip when I go back in 6 weeks
  • I’m not stupid.

I had to do this for another half hour to bring my blood pressure back down and then when I got home, of course I stampeded to my computer where I looked up the medicine and found some good reviews and also found that it not only reduces the appearance of rosacea, but it helps lighten dark spots on the face as well (I have a few really dark spots – the sun damage my derm was talking about) and if it really does lighten these spots, then the cost will be (almost) worth it.

I decided to spill my anxiety onto my husband because talking to him about things always seems to make me feel better, so when I told him the whole spiel, he just sort of shrugged and said “everything is more expensive than it should be nowadays. If it works, it will be worth it though, right?”  He’s not as freaky (read: cheap) as I am about money, so to him paying big bucks  for something you need is not a big deal. Somehow his calmness made me feel better about the whole thing and I relaxed and decided to just let it go.

So I am going to keep the face cream and start using it , but I damn well better come out with a whole new face when I finish this tube. If I don’t look 20 years old in 12 weeks, I’ma shank somebody (I’m looking at you big pharmaceutical company).

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