Update on stuff

I hate it when I go too long between posts because then I feel like I have to tell you all everything that has happened and it all feels like so much work so I procrastinate and then I feel even worse because then I have even more to tell and it just goes round and round and round…

*sigh*

Let’s just dive in, shall we? 

Update: I still haven’t weighed myself. It’s been almost 6 weeks since I stepped on the scale and let me tell you, I’m feeling a little unnerved. I want to weigh myself, but then again I intuitively probably have an idea of what I might maybe weigh, so I think, “what’s the point”, but man the temptation is getting strong. Knowing the number won’t change my behavior one way or another, but NOT knowing the number is getting harder to accept. I’m still not going to weigh myself. I’M NOT. 

My kiddos are back in school and you know what’s sad? That I had to go back and re-read my last post just so I could remember what we talked about last time. Anyway, I took some of your suggestions and have been doing really well on the “what to make for dinner” front. Sunday night I asked the fam what they wanted to eat for the week and within 2 minutes’ time, I had a menu plan for the week. After work yesterday I went to the grocery store and bought all the ingredients and I am so freaking happy about the fact that I don’t have to scratch my head and THINK about what we are going to eat this week. *insert happy dance here* 

Remember in my last post I talked about a new program I was trying? Well, I’m about 2 weeks in and I really love it! It’s Step It Up With Steph’s 30 Day Jumpstart and it’s exercise, food, and MENTAL exercises all in one program. The exercise portion is cardio intervals with strength training (I freaking love working out with weights – who knew??), and the food aspect is pretty simple – eat more protein and more fresh foods, but what makes this program different is the mental aspect – it has daily exercises to increase self esteem and self-kindness. I really love this last part since lately I have been really super hard on myself about my weight lately and this seems to be helping. I feel better already and the self-bashing is a lot quieter. And guess what?! One of you will get to try the program for free!! See my next post for details on how to enter the giveaway! I don’t do very many reviews or giveaways, but I feel pretty good offering this one to you. I know a lot of you deal with the same self-esteem issues I do, so I really think this could be beneficial for anyone who wanted to try it. 

Speaking of feeling better, the weird sadness I was feeling is gone, I think due in part to the better foods I’ve been eating and the work outs I’ve been doing. All in all I’m doing pretty well right now, still lots of room for improvement, but I feel like I’m on a good path. 🙂

That’s about it for today. I hope you all are doing well, and I’ll try to start posting regularly again. Sometimes I just run out of things to say, I guess! 🙂 

No Scale Experiment, One Month In

Hello Lovelies!!

Well it’s been a whole month since I stopped weighing myself. I have not stepped on the scale since July 15th and I have to say…I don’t feel any different yet. I’m still behaving the same as I did when I weighed in daily – maybe it’s because I know I haven’t lost any weight. I can tell just by how my body looks and feels what I probably weigh right now – I know my body well enough to know what I weigh and I’m certain that if I stepped on the scale right now, I wouldn’t like the number that it showed.

I know the scale used to crush my self esteem, but on the flip side of that, it also gave me encouragement. When I was living well, it was usually reflected on the scale, which encouraged me to keep going, but now that I don’t have that instant feedback, I have to rely solely on how I’m feeling. And you know what? I’m not feeling so great right now. For the last ten days, my eating has been all over the place which, if I’m being honest, is a euphemism for “I’ve been eating all the crap I can get my hands on”. I’ve been sad and tired for almost 2 weeks now and I’m almost 100% certain it’s because of the food I’ve been consuming (oh and also because Mother Nature decided to grace me with her presence ten days early. Yay for Perimenopause!).

I’m going to start a new program soon that gives a sort of holistic approach to fitness. It covers working out, nutrition, and emotional eating issues altogether and I’m excited about it. I’ll let you all know how it’s going after I start and if you all behave yourselves, there might be a little sump’n-sump’n in it for you too. 🙂

My kiddos started school again today which also begins the avalanche of activities that are soon to follow. Lately I’ve been having a problem of what to cook for dinner – it just seems like there hasn’t been enough time to plan and prepare the way I like to. I thought about having a few dinners in the freezer that the hubs could put in the oven for those nights when I’m chauffeuring kids to activities. Of course lasagna comes to mind, but do you have any favorite dishes that would freeze well? The idea of bulk baking for a whole month is overwhelming to me, but I wouldn’t mind doing a week’s worth of meals on the weekend – do any of you do that? If so, do you have any tips or books or websites that I should look at? I’ve even thought of just freezing ingredients (taco meat, shredded chicken, etc) so I could quickly put something together. I’m just tossing ideas around in my head, so if you have anything that would help, I’d love to hear it.

I hope you all have a great weekend and thanks in advance for your food prep ideas!! 🙂

Mental Monday

Yes I know it’s Tuesday. So what? I do what I want!! 🙂

Interesting observation I made this morning: I’m still acting as if I’m weighing myself every day. What I mean is, I’m still doing things with the number in mind – “ugh I ate too much, I’m never going to lose weight eating this way”, “I wonder if my run/walk this morning made me drop a couple of pounds”, “I wonder what else I can do to lose weight”…I guess you can take the girl off the scale, but you can’t the joy-sucking, soul-crushing, self-esteem destroying number out of the girl’s head. 

I guess it’s going to take a little time to get rid of the scale mentality. That’s okay, I gotta whole year to get rid of it. 

I’ve decided to change up my workout routine a little bit. For the last 2 months I’ve been doing the JNL Fusion dvds, which I really like but I’m starting to get a little bored with them and I’m not sure I like incorporating strength training with my cardio all in one half hour. I’d rather do a half hour of strength training and a half  hour of cardio on alternating days. So I’m working with hand weights and running intervals every other day this week to see how it works for me. I think I’ll like it better this way…until I get bored and go back to the dvds for a couple of months! Variety is the spice of life, no? 

I’ve slipped back into eating cheap and easy foods (read: junk) and accordingly, I feel like junk. Actually my breakfasts and lunches are good and healthy throughout the week (egg whites or oatmeal, big spinach salad, respectively) but it’s dinners and weekends that are killing me. I’ll be working on cleaning those up for the rest of this month. 

That’s about all there is to update for now. Trying to get myself geared up for kids to start school and activities to begin. It’s going to be another busy Autumn! 

High Interest

Hey Howdy Hey!!

So this No Scale Experiment is going really well! It’s been over 2 weeks since I weighed myself and I feel good. I’m still working out and eating well(ish) and things are humming along. I think I made exactly the right decision to ditch the scale.

One of the effects of not thinking about The Number all the freaking time now, is that I now have room for other thoughts, thoughts that have nothing to do with weight. Since obsessing about my weight was such all consuming hobby, I now have room for other interests. Yay!! Except guess what? I don’t have any other interests. 

I remember when I went to my 20th high school reunion a couple of years ago, I ran into my first crush. Of course me being who I am, I naturally started sweating and stammering to him about how he was my first crush (note to self: don’t do that anymore. It’s weird) and eventually we landed on the topic of “so what do you do now?”. He told me all about his job and his hobbies and then he asked me what I did. I told him about my job (note to self: get new, interesting job) and then he said “but what do you do when you aren’t working? What do you do for fun?” 

I had no answer. None. I lamely mentioned that I had kids and a husband and a house to care for, and he asked again, “but don’t you have a hobby?” and I apologetically said “well I used to knit” and he said…I kid you not…he laughed “Okay grandma! That sounds pretty exciting!” I melted right into a puddle on the floor. I feel that I should mention that guy was a total douche who hit on me that night (even though he has a wife and kid at home) but when I declined, he found another classmate who apparently was all too willing. 

ANYWAY. The point is, I need a hobby to fill up the space in my brain regularly occupied by my weight-angst so that next time I run into any douchey ex-boyfriends, I’ll have something SUPER INTERESTING to tell them. I’ve looked into guitar lessons, art lessons, yoga (which I plan to do in the fall) and other things, but I have to keep in mind that I have kids that have activities from now until December, so time is an issue. 

My BAWF (Best Adult Woman Friend – you’re welcome for that little gem) suggested creative writing. Not the blather I post here in this blog, but actual real writing that takes thought and good vocabulary and a sense of humor that doesn’t belong to a 12 year old boy. The thought of actually trying to write something creatively scares the heck out of me, which makes me think it’s exactly what I should do. I love words, I love the putting-together of phrases that capture exactly what’s happening in a moment, I love the emotional communication that happens when I read a passage that says exactly what I didn’t even know I was thinking…I love it all, but I don’t know how to even start to cultivate it into a genuine hobby. I actually have a very very short story already written, but it’s super rough at this point and not fit for human consumption. And no, you will never read it, so don’t even ask. 🙂

I think I revisit this problem of no-hobbies every fall when the kids start gearing up for their activities. It reminds me that, oh yeah, I want to have an activity too! So if you have been reading me for awhile and this seems somewhat familiar, I’m sure there’s a blog post somewhere in my archives that touches on this. I did try knitting for awhile, but it never really took off – I just don’t think I have the patience for it, unless it’s something I can knit in a few hours (I have more scarves than any human being needs). I like to knit, but not enough to do it regularly. I have a feeling this need to have interests is going to keep coming up in my life until I finally get one, so this time I’m going to actively pursue it. 

Help me out and tell me what you do for fun – what your hobbies, interests, and activities are that you do for fun. And no, obsessing about your weight doesn’t count. 

Interestingly,

Jill

 

Experimental

So…I’ve been thinking a lot about my last post and the meltdown that created it. I’ve been letting the number on the scale control my life for a long, long time and I’m tired of it. I never considered myself as a someone who was ruled by the scale, but if I’m being honest, I am a loyal subject to Queen Scale and have pledged to listen to her and her only when it comes to my weight. My moods, my self esteem, my body image….they’ve all bowed down to the infinite wisdom of her Holy Number.

But you know what? I don’t think her Number is infinitely wise after all. I’ve thought about it some more and instead of weighing in once a month, I’d like to do a little experiment.

What would happen if I didn’t weigh in…at all?

If I wasn’t living under the influence of The Number, would I do things differently? Would I think about things in a different light? Right now, everything I do is under the microscope of “how many pounds have I lost (or gained)” and I really want more than that for myself. If I have a good healthy week and it doesn’t reflect on the scale, I get upset (or frustrated, or pissed off, or sad). If I eat like crap and it doesn’t reflect on the scale, I feel like I got away with something. I rarely stop and consider “how do I FEEEEEEEEL??????”

So here’s my experiment: I want to see how/if I would change if I didn’t weigh myself. For a whole year.

Yes, that’s right. One whole year scale-free.

Would I approach working out differently? Would I eat better just for the sake of eating better? How would I feel if I did things without consulting the Almighty Number first?

Would I talk more kindly to myself? Would I stop putting off things that I want to do now instead of “when I weigh xyz”? I want to know how I’ll approach life without worrying about the number on the scale.

Now, I know that I need some way to measure progress, so here’s what I’m going to do:

  • take body measurements every 3 months
  • use my Fitbit to work my way up to 10,000 steps per day
  • track the amount of push ups I can do once a month
  • track how long I can hold a plank once a month

I think those are some positive numbers to work for, don’t you?

The last time I stepped on the scale was Monday, July 15th, so I’m already ten days in. I think this will be interesting to see how it plays out. If for some reason I cave and decide to weigh myself, I’ll post it here honestly. This experiment isn’t just about staying off the scale, it’s about living without the number. It’s about living well.

Let the No Scale Experiment begin! 🙂