Don’t Tempt Fate

I would like to tell you how great my eating has been and that I am kickboxing my way to the UFC title.  I would like to tell you all that carbs no longer have a place in my life, and that all this working out is causing me to have abs, arms and buns of steel.  I would like to tell you that I am practically perfect in every way possible…

 

But that would be a lie.

 

Why is it that when I post about being on track, the next day my train derails???  It’s like the Fates are coming at me wagging their fingers saying, “Ah ah ah…don’t tempt us, Jill.” 

 

Last night as I pondered all my wrecked intentions, I came up with these questions:

 

Why do I think that eating will make an upset tummy feel better?

 

Why do I think that eating will give me energy when I am tired?

 

Why do I think that eating will boost my cranky stressed mood?

               

Why do I think that eating will get back at everyone who pissed me off?

 

WHY DO I HAVE SUCH A SCREWED UP VIEW OF EATING??????

 

I actually had a really great weekend, not that the tone of this post so far reflects that,  but my little family spent the whole day Saturday at a spring-fed creek where the 65* water felt like heaven in the 105* heat!!  I’m not kidding; we spent like 7 hours at this place and had the best time.  We grilled hot dogs and had all the usual day-at-the-water type food.  Even though I brought some good healthy options, I gave in and consumed 2 of those frosted soft sugar cookies and a bunch of Pringles chips.  Of course I felt like crud afterward, but that didn’t stop me from ordering a dip cone from the local (and I’m not kidding about the name here) Pig-N-Out ice cream stand.  It wasn’t even that good, but I ate every bit of it anyway.  That brings me to another “why” – why do I think that something will taste better if I just keep eating it???  I’ve gotten better about this one, but it still creeps up on me from time to time. 

 

Sunday we took out a second mortgage on the house in order to buy school supplies and back-to-school clothes for the two oldest kiddos.  They start school in about 10 days, so I’m glad we got that out of the way.  I don’t know why I am always so surprised at how much we spend on this stuff, but every year I am flabbergasted.  I just kills me to have to buy things like batteries and tennis balls and Ziploc bags for school.  (Insert cranky old man voice here) Back when I went to school all you needed was your cardboard cigar box and a Big Chief tablet and a pencil!!  Maybe some Elmer’s glue and a box of crayons and you were good to go!  My soon-to-be second grader had to have 48 pencils – FORTY-EIGHT!!!!!  Good night, how much writing can an 8 year old do???  Is that one pencil for each week?  But I digress…

 

Gets off soapbox…

 

Anyway, all that shopping must have triggered my binge button because I consumed every sugar-laden, carb-loaded snack I could find in that house.  And I didn’t stop until all the stupid Froot Loop cereal straws were gone!!  Those things are evil – way too addictive for me. 

 

So, how to get the train back on track?  I think I need to do some reading about emotional eating – that sometimes helps me shake me loose of the cycle.  There is one book that I like by Linda Spangle called “Life is Hard, Food is Easy” that I like to re-read when I get all emotional-eaty.  She’s got a grounded, real life view of why we eat emotionally and she even has some really good solutions as well.  She has another book too called “100 Days of Weight Loss” that gives you tips and tricks to staying on your diet – whatever diet you may be on.  I think I need to look that one over too. 

 

So the plan for this week is to work out 4 days this week, and read my books and do the best I can.   I also need to plan a menu for this week’s dinners – that really cuts back on my stress level if I don’t have to think about what’s for dinner.  I’m also thinking of buying the Wonder Woman cuff bracelet – but not wearing it until I reach my goal. The more I think about it, the more I really want it!!  If I wait until I reach my goal to buy it, I’ll end up not buying it at all, but if I get it now, I can dangle it in front of my face like a carrot.  Super-extra motivation, if you will.   

 

I hope you all had a great weekend, and if you are a regular lurker (my blog stats suggest far more people are reading than are commenting) please delurk to let me know how you handle a derailment in your eating/work out plans.   Or even better, how do you stay consistent when life throws you a curve?  Here’s your chance to put your 2 cents in. 

 

Have a great Monday!!

 

ETA: sorry for the lack of linkage, but I’m feeling rather lazy today!

 

 

Go Girl Go

After reading your comments and a few other blogs, I channeled my inner Drill Sergeant and made her kick LazyGirl off the couch and onto the treadmill. It was 9:30pm and I had the dishes done and the kids in bed and I knew that if I didn’t at least do something, I would be bitterly disappointed in myself again, so I decided to do a quick run before bed. I did a really brisk 5 minute warm up walk, and then I ran 5 minutes at a faster than normal pace, just to prove to myself that I could do it, then a 5 minute cool down. It was AWESOME. For those 5 running minutes, I kept telling myself to push it and to not give up. At the top of every minute, I told myself “you can do anything for 60 seconds!” and I did that 5 times (thanks L!). I really feel like I broke through a mental barrier last night with that short but sweet run. I feel like I am back in the game now and ready to do some serious biz.
Food-wise, I have been trying to watch my calorie intake and I am learning some very valuable lessons. I did okay yesterday until after work when I just kinda went berserk. My crazy binge finally ended with a generous portion of brownies and ice cream. It sent my total over the edge of oblivion!! I realized that if I want to lose weight, EVERY BITE COUNTS!! Eating four pieces of chocolate is not so bad, but 4 pieces of chocolate, 3 pieces of cornbread, 2 big bowls of ham and beans, 2 ridiculously small WW chocolate cakes, and a huge brownie topped with 2 scoops of ice cream is not conducive to shedding the pounds. None of those things would be so bad if they were consumed over the course of a few weeks, but when you have them all within a few hours, it really sends a plan spiraling down the drain. However, today is a new day and today’s plan includes really paying attention to what and how much I put in my mouth. And do I even really want it?? I didn’t want the WW cakes, or the brownie and ice cream, but there they were, so I ate them. Crazy!
But like I said, today is a new day and my newest personality, the Drill Sergeant, and I will be doing a fabulous run tonight and eating will be an example of sanity and health. Go go go!!

Making the decision

I used to think that thin women had it made. I used to think they just jumped out of bed looking great and no matter what they ate, they would always be thin. Then a few years ago, I joined a gym and it didn’t take long for me to realize, thin women are thin because they work at it. Hurray!! It was so freeing to know that I wasn’t left out of some exclusive thin club – if they could work out and look good, so could I! But when I worked out for weight loss, it felt like drudgery. It was hard and torturous and I never got the results I was looking for (40 pounds lost in 3 months). So I got discouraged and stopped going to the gym. Can you say all-or-nothing???
I have always aspired to be a runner. Runners to me are just awesome. Continuously running all that time without stopping – wow! And lately I have been running a bit – a very little bit, but still running. However in the last few days I have lost my running mojo – that thing that gets me excited to run every day. I thought that to be a real runner, (here comes my all-or-nothingness again) one had to start running and run for 3 miles without stopping or walking. I also believed that most runners just jumped out of bed at 6am and were totally thrilled about running. A natural gift, I assumed.

I now know the error of my ways.
And I know God is giving me a little mojo help.

I checked out several articles on the Runner’s World website where celebrities were interviewed about their running. Come to find out, most of these celebrities had to make the decision every day to run. They had to work at finding time to run and had to give themselves incentives to run everyday or several times a week. And some of them admitted to being slow (that did my heart good, I tell ya!) and taking lots of walking breaks during their runs. Whodathunkit? You mean I can still be a runner if I walk a little too?

And then I checked out Tigerlilly‘s post today and guess what it’s about – DETERMINATION. Making the decision EVERY DAY to do this thing. She’s a peach!And Laura gave me some wise words as well – go check out my previous post for her comments. Perseverance was one word that stuck out to me, as well as the idea of being consistent over time – not just looking for one single prize.

So, I guess that fighting my battle means making the decision everyday to fight – to fight the urge to put it off, fight the excuses that seem so important, fight the LazyGirl living inside me. To be determined to fight and persevere – EVERY DAY. Even if I don’t run everyday, I can still feel like a runner everyday. I can feel healthy and alive and vibrant and beautiful with or with out weight loss, because running does that for me. But I can only feel that way if I don’t give up.

Why, hello Mojo!

Battle

I am the youngest of 3 girls. My two older sisters are 9 and 10 years older than I am, so essentially I had 3 mothers while I was growing up. Someone was always telling me what to do or how to do something, or doing things for me because it was easier than teaching me how to do them. I grew up thinking that things would just sort of take care of themselves, or work themselves out because they always did (at least in my little world- it never occurred to me that someone else was taking care of things). If my car broke down, my dad fixed it. If there were appointments to be made, my mom made the arrangements. If I needed a dress for the dance, my sister provided one. Do you see a pattern here?? I think this is one reason losing weight has been so hard for me – I don’t know how to fight my own battles. I keep thinking that it will just work itself out, but 11 years later, it hasn’t. I hoped WW would fix it for me, but I didn’t realize that I had to actually MAKE AN EFFORT. The same with everything else I have tried. I do okay at first, but when the going gets tough, or when I lose my motivation, I have nothing to draw on to get me going again. And when things do go wrong, my reaction is one of “this can’t be happening to me.” So once again I find myself in a slump – not wanting to run, wanting to eat myself into oblivion, etc etc etc. I have to learn how to fight.
I did some playing around on the internet with various calorie counters and calorie burn counters and have figured out that if I want to lose one pound per week, I need to eat less than 1500 calories and burn 200 calories every day.
There it is. That’s the battle plan.

My first thought when I got these figures was, “well Jill, now you know how to do it. So how are you going to do it???”

I have to fight my own battle. Crap. The princess can no longer wait for her knight in armor to do all the heavy lifting.

I’m not one to make posters or write motivating notes to myself and stick them all over the house. The eye rolls I would get from my family would be overwhelming. But I need something to help push me through the doldrums, something to push me through the “I don’t wanna’s”, push through the “I’m too tired”, push through the “I don’t have time”excuse. A motto maybe? A mantra?

PUSH THROUGH IT.

Okay, there, that’s it. PUSH THROUGH IT. That will be my new go-to phrase. A sort of battle cry, if you will.
But what else can I add to my arsenal? What do you all do when you need a push?

 I was thinking the other day about why it is so easy for some people to lose weight and so hard for me.  Well, if I am going to be totally honest with myself, it is because while I really want to be healthy and slim, I don’t want to do the things that go along with it.  There. I said it.  I don’t want to change my habits.  I like eating sweets and watching movies on the couch for 2 or 3 hours.  I like reading a book all afternoon.  I like to eat casseroles and brownies.  I don’t like to sweat.  I don’t like spending and hour on the treadmill and I don’t want to have to drive 20 minutes to the nearest walking trail.  I live on a dead end street out in the country, and to walk up and down the road is about as boring as being on the treadmill.  I feel clumsy and awkward doing work out DVDs, so I avoid those like the plague.  I don’t want to take diet pills, or go to meetings, or cut out entire food groups.  Yeah, I know I sound like a spoiled brat, digging in my heels and being stubborn to the detriment of no one but myself.  But that’s how I feel. 

So having said that, I still really want to be happy in this body, and that means getting rid of some of this fat.  Actually, I do love this body, just not the fat that covers it.  So what do I do?  I’m not far enough along in my body acceptance journey to just be happy with what I’ve got, and honestly, I don’t think I ever will be as long as I am this out of shape.  How do I motivate myself to make changes that I don’t want to make?  How do I convince my brain that exercising is more fun than say, sitting at the computer and reading blogs for hours?    I’m just curious if there is anyone out there who started out this way, but overcame their own stubborn will and is now a healthy and happy person.  If you are out there, I would love to hear from you, so feel free to offer any advice you’ve got.  Thanks and have a great weekend!