Support yourself

In articles about how to lose weight, one of the bullet points is always “surround yourself with support” but what does that mean? Usually these articles will say something to the effect of “enlist the support of your spouse and family and friends”, but um…really? Because a lot of my family and friends have no interest in losing weight and therefore have no idea how to support me other than saying “Go Jill!” Yes I can convey my needs to them and they will do their best to help me, but I have found that I need more than just a pat on the back and an “atta girl!” (although that does help). I need something to keep me motivated, and I need this in my face as much as possible. Here are a few things that are keeping me motivated and supported (and no, I’m not talking about a sports bra):

  • Facebook pages from fitness trainers. Two of my favorites are The Fit Fight by Aimee and The Action Plan – Get Fit Over 40. The first is from a bootcamp instructor in Texas and the second is a trainer from…somewhere (I don’t actually know where she’s out of, sorry!). They both post some really great motivational thoughts and graphics every day – I find that things like that help me stay focused and in a “healthy” mind set. 
  • Hang around people who are already fit and healthy. I got to spend some time over the weekend with my nieces who all work out and eat healthy for the most part. My niece Krysten  has lost 50+ pounds in the last year or so by eating mostly clean and working out like a champ. She’s always been a beauty, but now she looks toned and fit and trim as well. I’m so proud of her because she has worked so hard and let’s face it, she has my genes which means we were born from a people of leisure – being active does not come naturally for us. But she kicked it in the teeth and now does bootcamp and fitness dvds and lives a busy, active life. I figure if she can get up at the buttcrack of dawn and get it done, I can too.
  • Buy some cute new workout clothes and get good shoes! I bought a new work out top for Zumba and my husband said I looked like Rainbow Brite, but I don’t care. It fits well and is perfect for jumping around at Zumba. I’m going to try and get new shoes this weekend because nothing ruins a good workout like hurty feet.
  • I’m still using my Jar of Gems! Is it overflowing with gems? Um… no, but it’s getting there. I have my gem in my pocket right now and I’m going to do all that I can to add it to my jar tonight.

So that’s what’s keeping me going this week. Are there any other motivating FB pages or websites that I should know about? How do you stay motivated?

Jar of Gems

Hey kids! How was your weekend? My hair is being weird today, must be a Monday thing. :/

I’ve decided to stick with my Saturday morning Weight Watchers meetings instead of switching to Thursday evenings for a couple of reasons: a) there are several Lifetime members/members who are at goal/members who are close to goal. In other words, there are a lot of successful folks in this meeting and they are good at giving out advice and support. I like that. Reason b) is that it gets me up and going for the day, otherwise I would lay around until noon and then bemoan the fact that my weekends feel so short. Another reason (c) is that I do my grocery shopping right after my meeting and it’s nice to get it done and out of the way. 

Before I share my weigh-in results, I’m going to share with you my new favorite lunch. I’ve been eating this same lunch (with slight variations) for about 3 weeks now and I’m still not tired of it. I call it the Mediterranean Lunch Wrap of Wonder and here’s how it goes: get yourself a flour tortilla or a fancy wrap (whatever you have on hand), then smush a Laughing Cow wedge over it. Next sprinkle some chopped black olives over the LC, then add a BIG handful of spinach on top of that. Get yourself some roasted red peppers from a jar and add a few of those over the spinach, then sprinkle some sunflower kernels on top of that. Add some sliced turkey or chicken, then roll that sucker up as tight as you can. Then take a bite and savor the all mighty goodness. Add a side of baby carrots and you’re good to go!! I love this lunch so much. So, so much. And it holds me for quite a while in the afternoons, which is a bonus. YUM!! 

Okay, on to the weigh in…I finally dropped another pound on Saturday. I was starting to doubt my ability to lose weight, but guess what? If you don’t eat a crap-ton, you don’t gain a crap-ton!! Genius, right?! My totals are thus: current weight is now 191.6 which means a total loss of 5.2 pounds since Feb. Slow and steady is the story of my life, but I’ll take it. I’m just glad to be moving downward again. 

Another thing that is helping, is that I’ve been using Kyra’s idea of the Marble Jar to help keep me on track throughout the day. The idea is that the marble (or rock or bead or gem) is a physical reminder of the kind of day I want to have. I want to have the kind of day I can feel good about – I want to make good choices with my food and also in other areas of my life (like work and the ever-lovin’ laundry), so having this gem with me all day reminds me to stay on track. At the end of the day, if I feel like I have done a reasonably good job of moving forward with my goals, then I add my gem to the jar. If I’ve had a day that wasn’t awful, but I could have done better, I don’t add that gem to the jar. If I have a day where I just blow it completely, I not only don’t add that day’s gem, I take an extra one out. Luckily I haven’t had to do that yet.  What I love most about it this is I only carry one gem with me at a time. I don’t load my pockets up with 52 weeks’ worth of gems – that would be a heavy load to carry! I only carry one gem per day – I only focus on today’s choices – what can I do TODAY that will move me forward?

Do you know how much easier it is to live when you take tomorrow’s worries out of the equation? So much easier! And that’s the purpose of the Marble Jar – to focus on today’s choices only. 

Image
Here is my gem. It lives on my desk where I can see it all day, then it goes home with me and stays in my pocket until it graduates to the jar.

The idea is the same as adding pearls to a string – one good day will eventually add up to a lot of good days which will eventually add up to a smaller waistline and a saner way of eating. 

Do any of you do a variation of the Marble Jar? Does anyone have another favorite wrap recipe to share? Is anyone else having a weird hair day (I seem to be having those a lot lately)? 

Here’s My WHY

So Jack wants to know why. Why did I gain 45 pounds in one year and have kept it on for nearly 13 years? Why didn’t I lose the weight the first time (and the second time and the third time)? Why do I think I’m going to lose it this time?

Why Did I Gain?

Well the easy answer is that I got pregnant. And when I got pregnant, I crowned myself the Pregnant Princess who ate whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted. For the first time in my life I felt free to EAT, and eat I did. I didn’t just eat a slice of pie, I ate the whole pie and then wanted to know what else you could give me to go with it. I can remember finishing off a whole package of Oreo cookies in two days. No lie. I think that was also the month I gained 13 pounds – my OB never said a word. And being the young naïve woman that I was, I thought that once I had my baby (who surely would come out weighing at least 30 pounds) all the extra weight would just magically fall off a few weeks post-partum. Needless to say, my baby did not weight 30 pounds – he weighed 8 pounds, which left me with a lot to lose. And actually I did lose some – I was working retail full time and I really cut back on my food. I got within 15 pounds of my pre-preggers weight, and then I started dieting plans. One after another, I thought that I would lose 30 pounds in 12 weeks, and when I didn’t, I gained a few more pounds and moved on to another plan. With every new plan – failure (in my eyes), even though I was losing at a reasonable weight (about 3 pounds per month), but when you take one step forward and two steps back, you end up more miserable than you were before.

The more truthful and difficult answer to why I gained all that weight is because my world got turned upside down. In February of 1996, I was a new college graduate, I had no job, I was living with my parents, no boyfriend or prospects of meeting anyone, no responsibilities at all really. I was a young single girl, living in her own single world. Fast forward 12 months later and all of a sudden I had a husband, a brand new baby, a mortgage, a full time job, and no idea how to cope with any of it. So I did what I knew how to do – I ate. Don’t get me wrong, the husband, the baby, etc. are the best things that have ever happened to me, but I felt like JILL got lost in the whirlwind of it all. Suddenly I had a new last name; a new identity, and I didn’t really know who this new woman was supposed to be, and let me tell you, it took me a loooong time to figure it out. I was happy, but confused, and my self esteem plummeted over the next few years. The worse I felt, the more I ate and the more I ate, the worse I felt – you all know how it goes. When I got married, I weighed 135 pounds, which really was five pounds above the number I weighed all through college. The last time I did Weight Watchers, I weighed in at 186 pounds, my all time highest weight. I should mention that during that weigh in, I was wearing jeans and a sweater, so I probably really weighed somewhere around 180.

Why Did I Start To Lose Weight?

I lost 7 pounds with Weight Watchers before The Crazy finally caught up with me again and I decided that WW I could just not get along anymore, so I went to my doctor for help. He prescribed me some low dose appetite suppressants and I lost 30 pounds over about 5 months. That got me started, but I didn’t want to take diet pills for the rest of my life, so I weaned myself off of them slowly. I still have about 20 pounds to get back to that weight of 135, which for my 5’3” self is at the high end of what “they” say I should weigh. If I could get down to 140 though, I‘d be happy.

Why Do I think This Time I Will Lose It?

Well, I don’t know. I mean, I’m not 100% convinced I will lose it, honestly. I always seem to sabotage myself just when I get on a roll. I know intellectually what it takes to lose the weight, I just don’t know if I have the drive and mental fortitude to get it done. I’m sure some of you will say that I need to dig down deep and find the drive, but what if the drive isn’t there? What if I dig down deep and find…nothing? I guess this is the last part I need to work on… building my own self-efficacy (and actually I am working on it because there is a group on iChange that I’m a member of called Building Self Efficacy). I’m not sure what it’s going to take to push me to fight for those final 20 pounds lost.

So Jack, does that answer your question? Does my WHY make sense to anyone else but me?

Playing with blocks

 

My trifecta of weight loss success (water, food, exercise) is 2/3 perfect. I’m drinking about 8 glasses every day, my calories run about 1300-1400 of good, healthy (for the most part) food, but the exercise area is sorely lacking. I just can’t seem to get in the groove. I realized my all-or-nothing thinking is impeding my progress in this one area: if I can’t do 30-40 minutes, then I might as well do nothing. And that’s what usually happens – nothing. So I decided that instead of thinking of each day in terms of an Exercise Day or Not an Exercise Day, I would think in terms of Blocks. Will today be a 10 minute block of exercise, a 20 minute block, or a 30+ minute block?  Which one can I fit in today? These are the questions I”ll be asking myself every day. Annie said something on her blog today that made my lightbulb go on:

I think the key change that happened for me was looking at this whole thing DAY TO DAY. Instead of trying to fit exercise in five days out of the week, I have to fit exercise in TODAY. And I have my calories for TODAY. It has helped a lot. Like whoa.

So that’s what I am going to do also, but I’m also going to think about how much exercise can I fit into my day today. I think that giving myself options will help me get over the slump of  “I don’t wanna” and into “well, I dont’ feel like it, but I’ll do at least 10 minutes today”, and if I can extend that 10 minutes, great. If not, at least I know I did SOMETHING.

Any of you do this already? What mind games do you play to get yourself motivated to work out?

Speaking of exercise, Diana Young, RD, has invited me to be a contributor to her blog. So if you want to see a completely useless post from me (yeah I know you can do that here already!) go here to read it. Here at my own blog it’s pretty easy to come up with whatever drivel is swirling around in my brain and put it in print, but writing for someone else’s blog is tough!  Let me know what you think. 

Oh my gosh, I just remembered! Today is the last day of my NO SWEETS CHALLENGE!  Woo hoo! I’ve made it for 10 days without eating any cookies, cakes, desserty type confections!!  This is a big deal, y’all. And you know what? I’m not even really looking forward to eating anything sweet. I can’t think of anything that I just really want because I have a feeling if I do eat anything like that, it’s going to make me ill. I just feel it. I’m just going to play it by ear this weekend and see how it goes.  I’m not going to search out the sweets to eat, but if say, someone makes me a birthday cake this weekend, I probably won’t pass up a piece.  The bday party might not happen this weekend anyway, but if it does, I’ll deal with it. It’s all good. 

I hope you all have a great weekend – it’s supposed to be a sunny 60degrees here today, so I may have to slip out of work early and go do something fun!  🙂

I’m challenging myself to challenge myself

I’ve been questioning some of my behaviors (or non-behaviors, if you will), and the answers I have come up with are startling. I feel like I’m this close to being ready to get back in the saddle and start working out, but what’s holding me back? Is it a fear of failure? I don’t think so. I know, I KNOW, that if I get myself in gear and just do the things I was doing before the finger crushing (cardio 4 days/week, weights 2x/week, tracking my calories) I could drop the rest of this weight in no time at all. I have 10 pounds to lose to get my goal weight. I have 20 pounds to get to my ultimate happy weight. After watching TBL finale the other night and seeing what these people have done (Congrats Danny! He’s from my neck of the woods!), losing 10 pounds should be a walk in the park (or on the treadmill), right? Now, I realize those guys work out for 26 hours a day, etc, but my point is, if someone can lose 230 pounds, I CAN lose 10.  So why don’t I?  Why do I always put it off?

I think this quote explains it best:   

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. – Marianne Williamson

 

Powerful, huh?

And then I read this today in an email from Flylady (I get her emails and hope they will magically absorb into my brain) and I was stopped in my tracks. The emailer (not Flylady) writes:

         …my therapist made what I think is a moderately profound observation that I’ve been mulling over. She said that procrastination is passive-aggressive behavior TOWARDS OURSELVES. When we procrastinate, we set ourselves up for failure, so then we beat ourselves up for having failed (whatever form “failure” takes in that context—maybe it’s failing to make an appointment on time, or not picking our children up when we said we would, or not having enough gas to get somewhere. OR FAILING TO WORK OUT – I added that part) When we procrastinate, we are engaging in passive-aggressive behavior towards ourselves.

 

I know, right?!  This is SO ME. There was a link included in her email:

(http://www.depression-guide.com/passive-aggressive-negativistic-personality.htm) so I read up some more and was excited to learn that yoga is good for quieting the negative thoughts that seem to go with this disorder. I don’t think I actually have a full blown case of this disorder, but I think I might have a touch of it (I’m sure most people do). Again, another sign that I need more yoga in my life! 

So, what to do? How do I go about convincing myself that procrastination is going to get me nowhere (for some reason that just cracked me up!) and that I DESERVE to feel good about doing something good for myself? Well, I could go ALL IN – go b*lls to the wall and do 45 minutes of hardcore cardio every single day (and crash and burn in 3 days) or I could ease into it. To be honest, the thought of getting on the elliptical is so NOT appealing to me at all, so I need to do something, ANYTHING, that will move me forward. I thought about doing a 30 day challenge, but decided that was too much to take on, so then I thought about a 2 week challenge, but I wanted to break it down even smaller than that, so I came up with a 1 day challenge – hey, it’s all about babysteps, ya know! I am going to try and do some kind of challenge every day until December 31. That’s 22 different things to do so I won’t get bored. This challenge is just for me, but if you want to come here and see what the Challenge of the Day is, I would love for you to do it with me, or do your own challenge. I’m not going to do anything extreme – but I am going to do something that will move me forward towards my goal everyday. It might be something like doing a yoga dvd, drinking 8 cups of water, eating 3 vegetables in a day, or taking 1 hour of “me” time to relax. You get the idea. I know this might seem like a weird time to begin something like this, but actually I think I need it now more than ever. It want it to be easy and attainable and fun! Like I said, join me if you like, or just watch and see if I can be creative for the next 22 days (it will be interesting to say the least!). 

Okay gang, that’s all I got for now. I gotta go think up 22 activities I can do!  Have a great day!  🙂

The Fear – it drives me.

So, I had a revelation this morning. I was browsing the forums on Calorie Count and the question was posed: “How do you reward yourself for your weight loss efforts?” There were a lot of the same answers – massage, new clothes, mani/pedi, etc, but there were also some really different ideas too, such as the woman who pays her 10 year old daughter to keep her on track with work outs. She pays her daughter $10 a week to remind her to work out 5 days a week and track her cals 5 days a week. Other people said their reward was knowing that they did a certain number of work outs in a week and still others didn’t use any rewards at all. A few people said they base their rewards on the number of times they worked out, instead of on the number of pounds lost, which I thought was really smart. You can check out the whole thing here.

A reward system doesn’t really work for me, especially if it involves the spending of money. I’m a cheap frugal gal and usually by the time I have earned a reward, I don’t want to spend the money to get it. One time I set up an elaborate goal/reward system for myself that included a reward for every 5 pounds lost. I never did reach that first 5 pounds so I never got ANY of the rewards I promised myself. Dangling a bracelet in front of my face for losing weight just doesn’t seem to motivate me to get off my duff or to put down that cookie.

So what does motivate me? How did I lose 30 pounds last year? And what was that revelation I had this morning?

Thanks for asking! I’ll tell you.

As I was pondering the reward/motivation question, I realized that I am most motivated by fear of disappointment.

Wha????

No really, last year when I lost weight it wasn’t because of the appetite suppressant or the daily walking – it was because I didn’t want to disappoint the Nurse Nazi or the doctor who so very generously gave me a deep discount on the program. I worked hard because I didn’t want them to be disappointed in me. And along those same lines, I worked out 4 times last week and did push ups and crunches because I didn’t want to disappoint MizFit since I am on her team for the Woman Challenge. I don’t want to be the team member who doesn’t pull her weight (hehe) during this challenge.

I know some of you will say, “what about disappointing yourself, Jill? You don’t want to disappoint yourself do you?” to which I say “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!” I’ve disappointed myself so many times that I’m immune to my own disappointment of me (okay that was very bad grammar, but you get the point). Fear of disappointing myself is no fear at all; it’s a way of life. Yeah I know, I need therapy, but that’s what I’ve got this blog for right?!

The Woman Challenge lasts for another 7 weeks so I hope that I can keep the momentum going. I’ll have to come up with someone else to NOT disappoint after that. I need to exploit this fear to its fullest potential.

If only Jon Bon Jovi would issue a challenge to me, I’d be golden. 😉

 

If you lose 20 pounds, I'll write you a song, Jill.

ask the pear

It’s Ask The Pear day!!  So let’s get to it…

Our first question comes from Nicki: “How do you find motivation and will power when you get frustrated and start caving and want to give in?”Hi Nicki! Great question. Whenever I feel like I’m starting to cave and just want to chuck the whole thing, I remember how badly I feel when I’m not taking care of myself. I know for a fact that if I eat a lot of Little Debbies and spend my days with my butt welded to the couch, then I am going to feel like moss on a rock: slimy and gross. I don’t like how I feel when I do this and when I feel like this, then everything is affected. My self esteem plummets, I get tired and cranky, the husband and kids get on my nerves, etc etc etc, so it’s just better it I keep that in mind when I feel myself going down that slippery slope. Experience is the best teacher – you just have to remember the lessons (I’m pretty sure that last line isn’t original but I can’t think of where I’ve heard it before and a quick Google search didn’t turn up any solid leads – it’s still true though!)

My motivation for working out can come in a number of ways. Mostly I just know that I need to work out at least 4 days a week to feel really good, so I try to keep that good feeling in mind when I don’t want to work out. Also something totally random can motivate me: a song on the radio, remembering that my 20th high school reunion is only a few short months away (yikes), or wanting to wear a certain pair of pants that have been too tight lately. One thing that has really gotten me in gear happened last week, but I’m still feeling the effects: I was contacted on FaceBook by an old college boyfriend. This is the guy who not only broke my heart, but he shattered it into a million tiny pieces, stomped on it and let the pieces be scattered about in the wind. He is in another state, and I don’t imagine that I’ll ever see him again, but for some reason just the fact that he contacted me sent me into a panic, which has led to this feeling that I have to work out as much as I can as hard as I can. Maybe not the best way to get motivated, but I’m going to ride this wave of motivation for as long as it will last. When that wears off, I’ll find something else.

Also, when I really want to give in and have a pity party, I post about it here. Usually the supportive comments are enough to life me up and get me back on track. Never underestimate the power of the blogger!!

The second question is from my good buddy Laura: “Why do I have white flecks and ridges in my nail beds? Am I deficient in some critical nail mineral?”

Yes, yes you are. It’s called the Margarita Mineral and you must ingest at least one margarita per day until you have nails that can cut glass. Okay, that’s a total lie. This is a great question girl, but one that I’m going to have to do some research on, and by research I mean I’m going to ask my neighbor who is a cosmetologist who does nails for a living. After I talk to her and do a little more digging, I’ll get back to ya on this, k? 😉

Third question is from my favorite quilter, Debby: “What is your favorite new healthy food, and/or what is your favorite low cal “fast food” or snack?”

I love this question because I love food. My latest favorites are protein smoothies – milk, a little ice, a scoop of vanilla protein powder, some dark sweet cherries (frozen) and a little honey. So freakin good I can hardly stand it!! I’ll usually drink that after a workout or when I haven’t had a lot of protein that day, and it really hits the spot. Sometimes I like to chew my snacks so an easy one is to mix yogurt with cottage cheese and some fruit. I like ½ cup vanilla yogurt, ½ cup cottage cheese, and whatever fruit I have on hand. Mix it all up and surrender to its creamy goodness! How’s that for “fast food”?

Thanks for the questions, gang! This was really fun and I hope you’ll keep em coming!

BRILLIANT!! (I mean you!)

Thank you all so much for your comments on my last post.  You are all so smart and I loved every comment and got something from each and every one. 

 

Miz – you are so right about being wiped out at the end of the day regardless of what time I wake up in the morning.  And I really do love working out first thing because then I don’t have think about it for the rest of the day, so I am going to try and MAKE IT WORK in the mornings.  Oh, also, I totally don’t blame you for not running in the dark – who knows what kind of scary things are out at that time???  I won’t even open the garage door when I’m on the treadmill if it’s dark out!! Yeah, I’m pretty much a big baby.

 

Melanie – the word “acedia” reminds of the Acadia – the car of my dreams!!  I have been coveting this vehicle since my friend got one last summer.  As far as the acedia, the best way for me to get over myself is to get outside and be with other people; sometimes I just need the reminder, so thanks for that!

 

Crabby Fake it til you make it is something that has worked for me in the past, and something I need to revisit again.  And can I just tell you that I got a warm fuzzy when you said “we’re pullin’ for you”? Well I did, so thanks!!  J  And Crabby girl, you don’t give yourself enough credit – your Remotivating post was/is excellent!!  I’m seriously printing it out and planning on rereading it several times today.  Thanks so much for the link!  Out of all the crustaceans, you rock the most!!

 

Laura – Dear, dear Laura – you my friend, are a freakin genius!!  I had honestly never thought about hitting it harder on the weekends and easing up during the week.  For some reason I have always had it in my head that I have to go 100 miles an hour M-F and then come to a complete stop Sat & Sun.  But your suggestion could actually work.  I think I could even do 2 days during the week and still be okay.  I’ve talked before about my all-or-nothing way of thinking and so a lot of times I think I have to work out every single day for at least 45 minutes and if I can’t do that then, well I just might as well not even do anything.  My logic is flawed, I know, but I’m working on it.  What I also love about this idea of weekend workouts is that I will have more time to experiment with different types of exercise – when you are limited to 30 minutes in the morning it’s hard to want to try something new.   This has me really excited and now I can’t wait til the weekend!  You da bomb. =)

 

Debby – You’re right about the habit thing.  I’m better about exercising than I used to be, but consistency is the one thing I still struggle with (obviously).  And I was totally asking myself what  was I REALLY looking for when I talked about being dissatisfied…I know it has nothing to do with blogging or workin out or anything like that.  I’m working on that too. 😉   It scares me how insightful you are!!!  =)

 

Sandy – hey there, welcome to the Pear!!  Dang girl 4 miles every morning???  I’m in awe of you.  I definitely think that I need something new to explore and I really liked your idea of trying of something different for 3 weeks – that’s about how long my attention span is before I get bored!  Great advice, thank you. 

 

 

Whew!  I can honestly say that I am feeling so much better and I am genuinely excited to try out your suggestions.  I loves me some bloggers!!!  =)

 

Unsatisfied, dissatisfied,unsatisfication

I sit here at my computer checking and rechecking all the blogs on my favorites list in search of…something.  I’m not even sure what I’m searching for:  motivation, inspiration? I don’t know.  All I know is that lately I am unsatisfied.  Maybe unsatisfied is not the right word…maybe apathetic? Not really, because I feel very strongly that I want to feel…something, I’m just not sure what that something is.  So I guess un-satisfied is the word (is it really even a word?) that is best used to describe my current mental/emotional state.  Blogging used to be a very satisfying experience for me, as was reading other people’s blogs (don’t get me wrong – I still love to read YOUR blogs) but the last few weeks, I just don’t feel the urgency to write/read like I used to.  How can I best explain this malaise?  Think of it this way, you know you want to eat something, but you don’t know what you are in the mood for, so you go from the refrigerator to the pantry and back again, hoping something will suddenly appear and you’ll say AHA!  THAT’S what I’m hungry for! Only, nothing pops out at you and so you wear a visible trail in the linoleum going back and forth between the fridge and the pantry.  

 

My intake of all things junky has jumped exponentially and in direct correlation to that, the number of workouts I have completed has dwindled.  I’m worried about this because as the weather gets colder and grayer, my desire to do anything healthy goes down the tubes, and I soooo do not want to regain any of the weight I have lost.  And it could happen so easily, I recognize that. 

 

Up until a couple of weeks ago, I was really consistent with my workouts and getting them done NO MATTER WHAT, and then Merry or Crabby (I can’t remember which one) over at Cranky Fitness asked the question “how do you stay motivated to work out” or something along those lines.  I was feeling empowered and rattle off my answer and from that moment on, I’m not kidding here, my mojo flew out the window.  And it hasn’t come back yet.  It’s like the universe said, “oh yeah? Feeling a little cocky are we? Well how bout we knock you down a peg or two!” and BLAM!  No more motivation.  At all. Anywhere.  I’ve eaten my weight in Cheetos and Oreos (and I don’t even like Oreos that much) and anything else I can get my hands on, and no I’m not even PMSing.  I know my lack of exercise is fueling my desire for sugar and salty carbs, which in turn makes me feel so sluggish that I don’t want to work out, etc etc etc.  It’s a cycle not easily broken, which brings me to the point of today’s post. 

 

Part of the problem is that I have only two windows of opportunity to walk.  Either I get up early in the morning (4:45 am) and do a 35 minute walk or I do it as soon as I hit the door after work. I have about 1 hour to get it done in the afternoon before the family demands set in, after that it ain’t happenin.  Lately I am so tired in the mornings, that I just shove my alarm clock under the covers so I don’t hear it, then I wake up in a panic and have to hurry to get ready for work.  If I decide to do it in the afternoon, I’m usually so tired by the time I get home that I just want to relax in front of Oprah and have a snack. 

 

Exercising at lunch time is not really a viable option because I only get 30 minutes for lunch and since I work in a refinery-type place, there isn’t a good place to walk. 

 

Wow, that sounds like a lot of excuses, I know, but really this is what I’m working with here.  So tell me, oh wise and all-knowing blogosphere, what do I do?  How do I overcome this?  Really if I could have MizFit come over, drag my azz out of bed every morning and direct me in a heart pumping workout,  that would be great (you don’t mind do ya Miz? Texas is right next to Oklahoma!).  But other than that, what would you suggest?  I want to hear from you on this one, so let’s have it, people!  Help a sistah get her mojo back!! 

154

Yep.  That’s the latest number to come out of the doctor’s scale on Friday. 

That’s also the number that I got down to 3 years ago before I face-planted into a pan of Neiman Marcus brownies and didn’t come up for air until 20 pounds later. 

Why the face-plant?  Well, that go-round, I had been losing weight for various “events” in my life: a family reunion, vacation, 10th wedding anniversary, a wedding, etc.   Then all of a sudden I was out of events, and hence, out of reasons to keep losing weight.   I just couldn’t find the motivation to keep going, and I was Just. So. Tired. of counting Points that when the holidays rolled around, I went Ka-ra-zee.  It started with Halloween and didn’t stop until January.  I stayed at around 167 pounds for a long time after that, until I toyed with intuitive eating and gained another 20 pounds earlier last year. 

This time, I’m not losing weight for anyone or anything, other than my own satisfaction.  I have to admit, it’s nice when something comes around that I know I’ll be seeing people whom I haven’t seen in a while (like last Thursday night’s high school football game – I still love it when people have that shocked look on their faces!).  But I’m not actively looking at my calendar thinking that I need to lose x amount of pounds in x amount of time so I can look good at such-and-such event (okay well there IS the 20 year reunion next year, but I’m not *actively* losing weight for that).  It feels good to just be going at my own pace and not worrying whether or not I’ll be at a mini-goal or whatever.  I’m not saying it doesn’t work, I’m just saying it doesn’t work so well FOR ME. 

I’m averaging a 4-5 pound loss per month (and it usually happens all in one week, weird I know), and I am totally good with that, so I’m going to stay this course until I get to my happy weight.  All I need is my treadmill, my big-ass bottle of water, and oh yeah, my skinny pills, and I’ll be good to keep going as long as I need to.