Rolling along

Hello Friends!

How’s it going? I’m doing well. I’m about halfway finished with my Christmas shopping – most of the big stuff is bought and now I just have to take care of all the little things – teacher gifts, stocking stuffers, gifts for the mail carrier, etc. Its these little things that usually make me crazy because it feels like they never end. My plan is to take off work Friday and finish it all up – I’d really like to be able to just sit back and enjoy the rest of the holiday season. So, for right now, I’m feeling okay and not so much frazzled. We’ll see what the next week brings. 🙂

In continuing with my habits theme from my last post, I wanted to hit on those habits that I’d like to change once more. I’ve been thinking about what I need to do to and what steps I might need to take to change those habits and here’s what I’ve come up with:

1) Daily workouts. I finally cleared off the treadmill (it is in the garage and had gotten covered up during the Thanksgiving hurry-and-clean-the-house rush), so now I have no excuses not to use it. When I thought about how I wanted to incorporate my treadmill, the thought of making myself get on it for 30 minutes to an hour every day felt laborious and completely unfun (yes unfun is a word – I just declared it to be one. So there.) and who wants unfun in her life? Not me. So I changed my frame of mind to say that I will get on the treadmill for an undetermined amount of time and I’ll write it down after I’m finished. Maybe some days I’ll have ten minutes logged and some days I’ll have 45 minutes – who knows? I won’t feel the same way every single day so why would I be so rigid with my “rules”? If I’m making an effort, at this point that’s all that matters. And since I’m still going to Zumba twice a week, that makes 3 days per week that I will make an effort to get on the treadmill. I’m using baby steps here, people.

2) Eliminate grazing after work. I’m happy to say that I am getting so much better in this area, but yeah, I still have my hiccups. It just occurred to me today that maybe I need to reframe my phrasing of this habit. I have a reminder on my phone that comes every day as I’m driving home from work and it says NO GRAZING AFTER WORK!!. So guess what I’m thinking when I walk in the door? “No grazing after work, Jill! No GRAZING!!” Guess what happens when you tell yourself not to do something? You think about doing it! So I have changed the wording of that reminder to say “Find something productive or relaxing to do until dinner time!” This gives me permission to relax if I need to for a little while before fixing dinner or it reminds me that there is always a load of laundry begging for my attention – either way it keeps me out of the kitchen unnecessarily. The previous phrasing helped in the beginning, but I think I’m ready to go beyond what not to do.

3) Eliminate Emotional Eating Behaviors. I am actively working on this right now. You know what helps? Staying plugged in to the thoughts that keep me from eating my feelings. Daily reading of books, listening to podcasts, and going over notes I’ve made really helps me to stay focused on what I want and keeps me in check when I see unwanted behaviors emerge. Reminding myself every day of what I’ve learned is crucial because apparently I have a very short memory – if I go a few days without reading my materials then I start to slip back into old behaviors, so I have to be active in keeping all of this front and center in my brain. In talking with my favorite dietitian Amanda, we’ve both sort of determined that for me, it’s really not about the food. I can try to control the food all I want, but if I’m not dealing with my emotions (good or bad) then nothing will ever get solved and I’ll just be spinning my wheels forever. What I’m finding though, is that the more I lessen my grasp on that control, the easier it becomes to say no to the food my body doesn’t need or want. My desire is to one day have a take-it-or-leave-it attitude towards food; to see a plate of cookies and think “yeah those look really good and maybe I’ll have one in a little bit” instead of feeling the compulsion to have 2 or 3 every time I walk through the kitchen or feeling like I’m a failure at life because I ate a cookie at all.

In related news, it dawned on me that the reason I want to cry all the time now is because I’m not stuffing my feelings down with food as much lately. I can pretty much cry on demand now, which is pretty awesome because for a long time I couldn’t cry at all – and that sucks when you really need to just let it all out in a big dramatic gush of tears. So even though crying can be inconvenient at times, I just roll with it and let it happen. Sometimes a few tears are all I need and other times a gush is the only cure – either way, I’m good with it. I have to admit: all this learning and feeling and seeing the change happen is a very cool thing!

4) Finding things that I enjoy doing. Wow, this one is harder than I thought it would be. Ideally, I’d like to find something dual purpose – something fun that will also keep my body healthy. I haven’t really had time to actually try out different things – maybe when Christmas is over I’ll be able to dig in and search more thoroughly. Maybe I’ll also have the money to try some group exercise classes or even take a class at the local votech. I think I’ll defer this until after Christmas when I can really look seriously at what I want to do.

So that’s about it for now. Things are just kinda rolling along for me and I think I’m in a pretty good groove. I know I’ll continue to have bumps in the road but I’m learning that that’s just part of it. Slipping up is not a character flaw, it’s just part of establishing new habits and eventually my slip ups will be fewer and fewer. I just have to keep moving forward.

Assertive

This week has been hectic and busy and it seems like all my plans for this week have been shot. Well I guess that’s not totally true, but it sure feels that way. 

On Monday I missed getting up in time for my morning workout, but I had planned on getting it done after work that evening. I came home, changed into my workout clothes, grabbed a yogurt to eat real quick and just as I was getting ready to pull the lid off, my SIL dropped by. Which was fine – I don’t see her very often and I enjoy talking with her – except she ended up staying for 2 hours which meant that not only did I miss my workout, I didn’t get dinner ready until after 8 pm, and I had some work stuff I needed to do that didn’t get finished. In the grand scheme of things, I would rather spend 2 hours talking with a friend than working out and fixing dinner, but it sort of threw me off my schedule. Monday night, I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned most of the night which led me to…

missing my alarm on Tuesday morning. 😦 So no workout Tuesday morning either which REALLY ticked me off (at myself). I had planned on running some errands after work but in the middle of the afternoon my husband texted me “lets go out to dinner tonight”. After work, while I waited for him to get home I was feeling really anxious about missing my workouts and messing up my pre-planned menu for the week, so I grazed on some pita chips and probably other things that I shouldn’t have that I can’t even remember what they were now. I have been specifically working on NOT doing this but old habits die hard. Really, really freaking hard.  Once we got to the restaurant, I did fine, probably because I wasn’t starving due to the mini-binge beforehand. I had grilled shrimp and a baked sweet potato but I was still mad at myself for turning to food for comfort. I’m trying really hard stop that behavior, but I obviously have a ways to go. 

Wednesday, was actually a perfect day, now that I think about it. I worked out early, stayed on plan all day, went to bed and slept like a rock. No grazing or bingeing or eating off-plan. Woohoo! 

And then today…I didn’t get up and work out because I knew my husband was going to get up at the time I normally work out (which is an hour earlier than he normally wakes up) and I just felt weird about working out in front of him. I’ve done it before, but 5:15 – 6am has become MY TIME and I sort of felt like he would have been invading my space. So I just went back to bed for another hour. Which ended up just making me feel disappointed in myself when I finally did get up. 

The reason these 3 days (Monday, Tuesday, and today) didn’t work out well is because I wasn’t assertive and didn’t put my needs at the top of the list. I get really frustrated when I let others decide how my day goes or when I know that something is important to me but I de-prioritize it for someone else. This is a recurring theme in my weight loss life. Actually it’s a recurring theme in my life-life too. I need to be assertive enough to say “I would love to chat with you, but I’m getting ready to work out – care to join me?”* or “Just so you know, I’m going to work out in the morning so you might want to have your morning coffee out on the patio”. I know it’s going to take practice but it’s something I really need to get a handle on ASAP. Actually it’s something I should have gotten a handle on many years ago. Recognizing and BELIEVING that my needs are valid is going to be a big hurdle, but I’m willing to keep working on it. 

How do you handle interruptions and changes like these? Do you git-r-done no matter what, or are you a pushover like me? 🙂 

*thanks to Kyra for suggesting this one. The bonus to this phrase is that either they will join you and you’ll have a workout buddy OR they’ll leave in a hurry! LOL! 

 

Plan of Attack

I’ve mentioned here several times that I’ve been working with a personal coach for weight loss – she also is a Registered Dietitian and she is fabulous. We’ve been working together for nearly 6 months and in that time, I’ve learned a lot. I also started losing weight, albeit slowly but I was okay with that. I had gotten down to 189 last month from a high of 198 right after Christmas. Slow and steady, right? 

Aaaaand then my hormones staged a coup. And then I gained 6 pounds in the last 4 weeks. Being a middle aged woman is AWESOME.

My monthly visitor has been MIA for the last 2 months, a non-event that prompted me to take not one, not two, but three pregnancy tests this week just to be sure there wasn’t another Lil’ Pear taking up residence in my uterus. All three tests were NEGATIVE (Thank You!) That’s just not something I am prepared to deal with in any way, shape, or form right now. So I’m pretty sure I am in full-on menopause, but that leaves me with the question of “Really, Menopause? That’s how we’re gonna roll now?” I am so not down with that. 

Even if my eating was a little loosey-goosey for a while, I know I haven’t been eating enough to justify a 6 pound gain. The fact is though, that I am back up to 196 and that is just not gonna cut it. I find that to be terribly unacceptable. 

Sometimes I feel like I am BAD AT WEIGHT LOSS. I mean, like really, really bad at doing what needs to be done to lose weight. I have had a registered dietitian at my disposal for six whole months and as of right now, I’ve only lost 2 pounds. I am in email contact with her daily and phone contact weekly. We have had some great talks and made great strides in a lot of areas but I haven’t been able to translate all that into a significant loss. So I’m asking myself: Have I really done everything I can to lose weight? No. No I haven’t. I could be putting in a lot more effort than I currently am right now. I do a lot of things right but I there’s so much I can improve on. Because if I were doing everything I could, I’d be a heckuva lot thinner right now I think. 

Some people (and even I myself) have said “I will do whatever it takes to lose weight”, but will we really? Are we? Are we honestly doing everything we can to lose the fat? My answer would have to be no, honestly, so that’s why I have been thinking what it is that I still need to do. And here’s what I’ve come up with so far:

My Plan of Attack 

  • Pre-plan my meals – an entire week would be great, but even 3 days would be an improvement. 
  • Add more veggies – I’m thinking a morning snack of raw veggies and hummus and maybe an afternoon snack of the same.
  • Give up coffee altogether? I’ll admit this one makes me cringe, and I’m already down to one cup per day (one precious, precious cup) but I’m wondering if I need to cut it out completely. OR I could cut out the 1 spoonful of sugar I add to my daily coffee. I’ll think about this one for awhile. 
  • STOP THE FREAKING GRAZING IN THE AFTERNOONS. Sheesh, this one kills me every day. All the BLT’s (Bites, Licks, Tastes) are killing my progress and it needs to stop. Wondering if I should start listing them here on the blog just so I’ll have an extra layer of accountability.
  • Add more movement to my day. I work out 5 days a week early in the mornings, but then I go to work and sit for 8 hours, then I go home and sit for at least another 2 hours in the evenings. I’m considering driving to the gym on my lunch break to at least walk around the indoor track. It’s $3 per day to do that, plus a 15-20 minute drive from my workplace to the gym. I’m just wondering if it’s worth the time and gas money to do that. There aren’t any local parks near my work place to walk, and also it won’t be long before it’s 100* here in Oklahoma, so walking outside is not a pleasant option. I’m not sure how to work this one out, but I know there has to be a solution in there somewhere. I could add a yoga class to my evenings twice a week. You know how I loves the yoga. 🙂

Those are the main things I need to work on/tighten up/focus on right now. I have an appointment with my doctor next month to talk about the Rebellion of my Lady Parts and hopefully she’ll have something helpful to add to my plan. I’ve also just started taking an iron supplement (my levels are borderline low) to help with my energy levels, as well as making an effort to get to bed earlier so I can get a decent night’s sleep. 

I have never struggled with anything this much in my whole life. Weight Loss is the one area that has totally and completely kicked my ass and I just can’t seem to get off the ropes and make a comeback. I seriously sometimes wonder “what is wrong with me” that I can’t lose ten freaking pounds?!  Ugh. But, I fight on…and on…and on because I just can’t give up and let things get worse than they are now and they will get worse if I don’t turn this thing around. 

Any suggestions are welcome – I’m open to hearing your opinions on all this. I really want to do this – get healthy, lose weight, keep it off, but wanting isn’t going to get it done. I need action. I need to put my plan in place and ACT on it. 

EYE OF THE TIGER, BABY! EYE OF THE TIGER! 

🙂

 

Long Weekend Recap

Good morning all!

I hope you had a lovely weekend. Mine was pretty good – the weather was rather uncooperative all weekend but that didn’t stop me from napping and eating and watching movies and stuff. 

Here’s a quick recap:

Friday – midnight showing of the movie musical Grease. I left my house about 10:30 and the last time I left my house at 10:30 pm to go out for the evening was approximately 20 years ago. Old, is what I am. My friend Sandy and I stopped at a diner to get coffee (because again, old) where we chatted for about an hour before we went to the theater. I am not ashamed to tell you that I sang my ever lovin’ heart out during the movie (don’t worry, I wasn’t the only one) and if there had been room, I would have done the choreography also. But by the time I got home at 2:30 (A.M. !!!), I was wiped out and my voice was gone. I am way too old to stay out that late. I did get to sleep in a little bit, but the rest of the day I felt kinda strung out from being so tired. Oddly enough, Saturday was probably my best food day – I stayed on plan and didn’t have that “I’m so tired I need something to eat” feeling. Amanda had suggested staying hydrated, which I did, so I think that helped a lot. 

Saturday/Sunday – I don’t even remember what I did those days. There was a lot of napping (mostly because the weather was so cloudy and dreary), I do remember that. Sunday’s food was pretty good during the day, but I kinda lost myself Sunday night. Too much nibbling and grazing, which is usually the result of no structure or plan to my day. 

Monday – I got up and did my first Baladea dvd workout. It was a cardio workout and I was good and sweaty when I finished! Then later my son and I went to see the new X-Men movie (Hugh Jackman makes me *swoon*), then to the grocery store, then dinner and getting-ready-for-the-week stuff. Got to bed about 10:00pm and proceeded to toss and turn all night. I don’t know why, but I just couldn’t get good and asleep. Today I’m fighting to stay awake at my desk. Wishing coffee came in 5 gallon jugs like our water cooler does. Monday’s food was okay, except I ate too much popcorn at the movie theater, but other than that it was alright. 

I’ve planned out my food for today (including dinner) and got in another Baladea workout this morning (my muscles are already feeling it!!) so I’ve got a good start on the week. Just have to keep that momentum going and I’ll be golden. 

Okay Gal Pals, that’s all I’ve got time for today. This week I’ve got a Sunshine Award to talk about and a Luna protein bar review to post, so there should be a couple more posts this week. 🙂  Have a good Tuesday! 

 

Happy Birthday to me!

So in love with this guy!
So in love with this guy! And no, the cake wasn’t as big as it looks in this picture – but it was just as tasty!

So today I am 43 years old. I’ll wait while you sing Happy Birthday to me…

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.

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Thank you!!!  You have a lovely singing voice, by the way.

I gotta tell you, I’m feeling pretty good for an old lady! I had a fantastic birthday celebration with my family on Saturday, right after my husband and I and another dear friend ran a 5k Saturday morning! Okay, truth be told my  husband ran while my friend Cindy and I walked most of the way. We jogged for a few minutes starting out, then we got so caught up in our conversation that we forgot to run again until almost near the end. Then we ran to the finish line to make it look as if we had run the whole way (no one was fooled). We were still booking it though, we finished in 52.03. I had to stop and take my shoe off at one point because an annoying little pebble somehow made its way in there and it was really messing with my walking zen. After that, I was good to go! Oh and can I brag on my husband for a minute? This was his first 5k and he finished in 28.06. He just started running a couple of months ago. He’s one of those irritatingly naturally athletic people – seriously he’s good at baseball, basketball, golf, and now running. But I am so proud of him – he did really great!

I’ve been doing really well with my food. So well in fact, that Amanda told me to take a day off. That’s right – she said for one whole day NOT to follow the plan and I used Saturday as my day off since I knew I had the family party to attend. My mom and sister took care of all the food, so I had no idea what would be available. I think I did really well though, considering. I didn’t gorge myself, but I did try a little bit of everything that was served. And yes, I had cake. 🙂

Something interesting though that I noticed, the cake was good, but I think I wanted the cake to taste better than it did. What I was really drawn to (and this sounds so weird) is the bowl of Gardettos snack mix. Lately I’ve noticed that it’s more of the salty foods than the sugary foods I crave. I guess my tastes are changing in my old age. 🙂

On Sunday I got right back to my healthy eating…until late in the afternoon after I had to endure the grocery store and several errands that took all afternoon to complete. After I unloaded the groceries and everything was put away, I ate another piece of cake out of the need for some comfort. Then I sort of nibbled on some Fritos (again with the salty foods) and ate very little for dinner. At the end of the evening, I realized that I actually missed my regular healthy foods! I missed the good feeling of accomplishment that comes with knowing I made good choices all day. Today I am back on track 100% and feeling very happy to be on it. And apparently this was Amanda’s plan all along – to get me to see that I feel better when I’m eating well and making healthy choices, so I can hang on to that good feeling. She’s pretty smart, I gotta hand it to her. 🙂

I am walking a 5k with my friend Cindy next weekend just for fun, then I have another 5k this month (Kyra’s Virtual 5k Series), and I just signed up for another 5k in May. Who knows, I might actually try to run one of them!! I know I can at least run intervals so that’s probably what I’ll do. I guess I’ve decided to be a runner again this year! 🙂

Tonight my husband and kids are taking me out for dinner, but I’m not worried about it. I know I can find healthy selections on any menu and besides, I feel like I got all the celebrating out of my system already. I feel good about how my 43rd year is starting and I hope I can feel even better when I turn 44 next year.

I need to wrap this up since I have a weekly call with Amanda in a few minutes. Oh, don’t forget to enter my giveaway for some free insoles!! Only 2 or 3 people have entered, so your chances of winning are really good!! 🙂

 

Mental Monday

Yes I know it’s Tuesday. So what? I do what I want!! 🙂

Interesting observation I made this morning: I’m still acting as if I’m weighing myself every day. What I mean is, I’m still doing things with the number in mind – “ugh I ate too much, I’m never going to lose weight eating this way”, “I wonder if my run/walk this morning made me drop a couple of pounds”, “I wonder what else I can do to lose weight”…I guess you can take the girl off the scale, but you can’t the joy-sucking, soul-crushing, self-esteem destroying number out of the girl’s head. 

I guess it’s going to take a little time to get rid of the scale mentality. That’s okay, I gotta whole year to get rid of it. 

I’ve decided to change up my workout routine a little bit. For the last 2 months I’ve been doing the JNL Fusion dvds, which I really like but I’m starting to get a little bored with them and I’m not sure I like incorporating strength training with my cardio all in one half hour. I’d rather do a half hour of strength training and a half  hour of cardio on alternating days. So I’m working with hand weights and running intervals every other day this week to see how it works for me. I think I’ll like it better this way…until I get bored and go back to the dvds for a couple of months! Variety is the spice of life, no? 

I’ve slipped back into eating cheap and easy foods (read: junk) and accordingly, I feel like junk. Actually my breakfasts and lunches are good and healthy throughout the week (egg whites or oatmeal, big spinach salad, respectively) but it’s dinners and weekends that are killing me. I’ll be working on cleaning those up for the rest of this month. 

That’s about all there is to update for now. Trying to get myself geared up for kids to start school and activities to begin. It’s going to be another busy Autumn! 

Deserving

Hey Kids!! How’s it going? 

I haven’t blogged in a while because I’m going through a bit of weight loss schizophrenia lately and I’m not sure which direction I’m going or where I’ll end up. 

For the first part of the summer I did really well and felt like I had a handle on things. Work outs and nutrition were coming together nicely and all was well with the world. For the last 2-3 weeks however, I’ve felt off-keel and have been having trouble getting enough traction to move forward. In the middle of June, I weighed 189.8 and on Monday I weighed 191.4 – I have danced along the edge of these two decades for so long I’m pretty sure there are permanent footprints on the border. 

When I weighed in on Monday and saw that I was, once again, above 191, I had a meltdown. Thankfully my husband sensed my mood (after I bit his head off, because he’s intuitive like that) and we had a good talk that morning and then again later that night about what was bothering me. I told him that I was frustrated with how little wiggle room my body gives me – I have to fight so hard for even the smallest loss – and that it just seemed like the number on the scale wasn’t going in the direction I wanted it to. At one point in the  conversation I said “maybe I need to just quit worrying about  the number on the scale” and he said a hearty “YES! YOU DO!”. He said I worry too much about that number and it doesn’t help me at all. He knows that I want to get down to 140 or heck, even 150, but he very kindly said “you don’t have to weigh 140 to be sexy, honey”. He truly does not care what I weigh – he only cares that I’m taking care of myself and he wishes I would be kinder to myself and give myself a break. 

Oh how I wish those same things for myself!! 

In discussing all this with a friend yesterday, I realized that I put off a lot of things until Future Thin Me can enjoy them. Here’s part of what I emailed to Fabulous Friend yesterday:

I think that I tend to live for the future. I keep looking toward the future when I’m thin and thinking “okay when I’m thin, then I can xyz.” Xyz = get a massage, get a mani/pedi, go shopping, start running again, buy a cute nightgown, go to yoga again, etc etc etc. I’ve been putting off a lot of things that I would like to do because I think I’ll do those things when I’m thin, but dammit why am I waiting? It’s almost like I’m punishing myself by holding out on the things I really like to do until I deserve them again (i.e. lose weight). I don’t want to do that anymore, I want to do those things now and I need to learn and believe that I do deserve them EVEN AT THIS WEIGHT. 

So in order to help move myself in a forward direction with this, I’m going to limit my weigh ins to once a month. I need a break from the scale. I need to live as if I believe I am not flawed at this weight. My worth as a wife, a friend, a mom, a HUMAN BEING, is not tied to a number on the scale or a size on a tag. I’m trying to wrap my brain around this and really believe it, but I think it’s going to take time. 

I did however, decide yesterday to go shopping for things that FIT. I walked out with 4 new tops that came from (gasp!) the Plus Size department because even though I’m right between the edges of regular and plus sizes, the particular tops I tried on fit better in plus size. They are super cute, super comfortable and make me feel just a teensy bit sassy (I’d take pics and show you, but my stupid stupid stupid obsolete and ancient dumbphone’s camera is messing up – I really need to jump into 2009 and get a smartphone, I know). So that’s my way of dipping my toe into the waters of Self Acceptance. It’s a small step, but hey I’ll take it. 

So my focus for the rest of the summer will be to Accept That I Am Not Flawed At This Weight. That’s my late summer project. What’s weird is that I have plenty of people (okay, there’s actually 4 people, but still) telling me that I am fantastic, but for some reason I’ve chosen not to believe it. I’d like to believe it. I’m going to work on believing it because I don’t think these people would say it if they didn’t mean it, right? 

I’m pretty sure I’ve headed down this path before, but I don’t think I’ve ever been this honest or clear with myself. I mean, I’m slowly getting it – just how messed up my thinking is in relation to my weight, and I’m taking steps to counteract the effects of that. 

So can you see why I’m feeling a bit o’ schizo lately? I do well, then I don’t do well, then I do well-er (I made up a word!) and then I have a meltdown. Maybe one day when I’m a grown up, all of this will make sense. But I doubt it. 

 

 

June recap

Wow guys, where did the time go? It’s been almost 2 weeks since my last post and I certainly did not intend to go this long between posts.

Lots to catch up on! 

First, a No Junk June recap: the first 2 weeks of June went really, really well. The last 2 weeks didn’t go quite as well, but it was still okay. What I took away from this little experiment is that I enjoy eating healthy and the reason I ever usually turn to junk food is because it is easy. It’s easier and faster to grab a cookie out of the package or to cook a meal from a box than it is to plan and prepare whole foods. But I found that I was less satisfied with the packaged stuff anyway and I really do prefer the taste of fruits/veggies and wholesome meals made from scratch. I also learned that I do like a little indulgence now and then. Indulgences and treats taste so much better when you eat them only 20% of the time vs the 80% I was eating before June. I felt no guilt when I ate the cake pops that my daughter made because I knew that it was a one time treat. I think that is where my balance is going to lie – knowing that as long as I am eating healthy most of the time, there will still be room for treats and sweets occasionally. I’m going to keep this trend going because it makes me feel good AND it makes me happy. It’s a win-win! 

Part of the reason I lost focus at the end of June is because one of my friends discovered a new eating plan that she was super excited about and she wanted me to look into it too. Instead of keeping with what I knew was working, I ventured into this new eating style and it completely screwed up my momentum. The gist of the plan is that you work out and lift heavy and eat a ton of calories. Which is all well and good if you are actually working out and lifting HEAVY, because you need those calories to fuel your badass workouts. The problem is that neither my friend nor myself work out that hard nor do we lift super heavy. My friend has already gained 12 pounds in the last month. I gained one in the last week and I’m already face-palming myself because I liked what I was doing before and I was having some success with it – why mess with that? There’s a lot more to her plan than what I’m describing here, but I realized that it just wasn’t the plan for me. So now I’m back to plain ol’ eating healthy well and working out. 

I will say however, that even though my eating got off track, my workouts are still going strong! I completed one whole month of working out 6 days a week – a freaking miracle if you know me. What’s even weirder is that I really like it! It’s a circuit-type training where you do 30 seconds of strength training then 30 seconds of cardio, and there are about 6 circuits in a typical workout. I started out with 3 pound weights, then moved up to 5 pounds, but I think I’m ready to move up again to either 8 or 10 pounds. I can feel myself getting stronger each week and I’m finally starting to get some more energy, although I will say that going to bed earlier has helped with that too. I’m doing the JNL Fusion DVDs, if you’re interested you can get them here. (in full disclosure, that is a link to my niece’s site. She is a BodyFX coach)

I also have cancelled my Weight Watchers account. I wasn’t losing enough to justify paying $40 a month for the meetings and I intended to just do WW Online, but I haven’t signed up for that yet. Since counting points this time around didn’t make me a crazy person (as per usual), I decided to sign up for My Fitness Pal and just keep track of my calories there. I’m only doing it as a way to observe what I’m eating, not to restrict myself, if that makes sense. Just like the number on the scale, I’m using it as information, not a compass to measure whether or not I’ve been good or bad. If I feel like it isn’t working for me, I’ll sign up for WW Online, but for now I’m doing okay with it. 

I wonder though, why I did so well on WW for the first month, but couldn’t seem to keep it going after that? I lost 6 pounds that first month and it felt so easy, so effortless. After that I just felt like trying to stay within my points was like running through mud – I just couldn’t get my mojo going for the next 4 months. It’s a mystery to me. 

I’m off work tomorrow (Happy Independence Day America!) and Friday (Happy Vacation Day Me!!) and I plan on keeping up with my workouts and my healthy eating. There will probably be a dessert at some point, but I don’t plan on making the entire 4 days an excuse to gorge myself. I have no desire to do that anymore. (Whaaat????)

It’s like I don’t even know who I am anymore!! But that’s okay, I kinda like this new girl who is starting to emerge. 🙂

Happy 4th of July tomorrow to those of you in America, and to those of you outside of the U.S., um…happy Thursday!! 

 

Note to Self

A while back Vickie made a comment relaying something that Roni had previously posted:

“There definitely is a correlation between what I eat and what I want to eat.” 

I’ll admit that at the time, I didn’t fully understand that statement. It was one of those things that just didn’t really sink in for me and I went about my merry way. 

I get it now. 

Oh boy howdy, do I get it. 

When I’m filling up with veggies and lean proteins and healthy fats, I want to eat MORE veggies, lean proteins, and healthy fats. However, if I eat tortilla chips and white bread, guess what I want? MORE tortilla chips and white bread and ice cream and candy bars and cookies and cake and…and…and…

So. Lesson learned. Note to Self: If you want to eat healthy things, you need to EAT HEALTHY THINGS. 

Okay, that is all. Just wanted to point that out to myself and anyone else who may be interested. 🙂

 

 

A slight hiccup

Well, shoot. 

I was doing so great with No Junk June and then yesterday happened. I think I set myself for failure right from the get-go (Not from the gecko. Please don’t ever say that.) and it pretty much went downhill all the way until dinner time. Here’s what went down:

I woke up yesterday, did my work out, had my protein shake and started getting ready for the day. Usually I take my breakfast to work with me and eat it about 9:00, but yesterday I had to take my son to get his braces off and for some reason I thought I would be okay with just having the protein shake at 6:00 and not having anything else until lunch (wrong move #1). On the way to the orthodontist I realized I forgot my lovely travel mug of coffee at home (wrong move #2) and I nearly had a panic attack. Okay, I didn’t nearly have a panic attack but I was slightly bummed out because I love my morning coffee and wanted to drink it while I waited for my son to finish his appointment. After the appointment he wanted to get breakfast at McDs because we needed a wifi hotspot and I needed coffee, pronto, so off we went. I didn’t want to get anything to eat, because hello No Junk June and McDs is practically the junk food capitol of the world, so I just ordered a SF/FF vanilla latte (wrong move #3) and nothing else. By the time I dropped my son off with my husband and got back to work, it was almost lunch time (we take lunch at 11:00) and so I ate my lunch of a chicken breast with a spinach salad then sat at my desk and worked for a little while. I got hungrier earlier in the afternoon than usual, so I ate some cherries and cottage cheese about 1:30, and decided to save my apple for later, only for some reason I never ate my apple and got home and was starving (wrong move #4). I picked at some watermelon, then fixed myself a small wrap (whole wheat tortilla, avocado, and turkey lunch meat) thinking that would satisfy my hunger until dinnertime. After I ate the wrap I started thinking about what to have for dinner because I hadn’t planned anything (wrong move #5) and for the life of me, I could not think of anything to fix! Seriously it was like my brain said “nope! see ya later!” and I wandered around the kitchen trying to think of something. This went on for some time before my poor hungry husband finally took over and started fixing his go-to meal: pancakes. The kind from a box mix. With bacon and syrup also. I battled myself for awhile and then finally gave in and just ate the damn pancake already so I could be done with food for the day (wrong move #6). Eating the pancake just set me up for cravings and so when I saw the caramel brownies sitting on the counter (brownies I had made for my husband on Sunday and wasn’t phased by them at all) I cut one out and ate it, then decided that brownies taste best when accompanied by ice cream so I grabbed a little half-cup carton (the kind you used to get in elementary school, wooden spoon not included) of vanilla ice cream and went to town on it (wrong move #7). 

Of course immediately after I ate it, I felt disappointed and mad at myself for giving in so easily, but when I thought back on the day as a whole, I realized I had set myself up by not eating breakfast and it just snowballed from there. I’m mad that I let things get away from me like that, but then I realized that one bad food day out of the last two weeks really isn’t a catastrophe. I forgave myself, and today I’m carrying on my wayward son (now you’ll have that song stuck in your head all day. you’re welcome.) – I have my coffee by my side and I’ve already had a green smoothie for breakfast, in addition to my morning workout and protein shake. I’ve got my lunch and a couple of snacks with me (fruit and nuts) and dinner is planned out in my head. I still have 15 days left in this No Junk challenge and I’m going to make the best of them. 

So that’s my confession for the day. I messed up, but I’m over it and back in the saddle again today, trying to get where I’m going. I haven’t arrived, but I’m making an effort and that’s what counts. 🙂