The Sassy Pear

Finding my way through my forties

I’m so sly — April 23, 2009

I’m so sly

Honestly I can’t believe no one has called me out about the fact that I have not mentioned working out or counting cals or any of that sort for the last couple of weeks. But I can’t say that I blame you, I was pretty sneaky about distracting you with tales of my hair. I should be a secret agent or something – you all didn’t even realize I was leading you away from the path of health and fitness and down the dark path of my vanity! Mwahahahahahaha!


Anyway, since I outed myself, let’s talk about my fitness routine and what I’ve been doing lately.



(insert crickets chirping)



Okay, well that was a good talk wasn’t it? Let’s move on to how well I’ve been doing with counting calories, okay? Great!


(insert shame and denial here)


Whew! I’m worn out from all that talking! I’m so glad you are all up to speed now.

How NOT to lose weight — June 27, 2008

How NOT to lose weight

Step 1) Even though it is out of your way, go to the nearest QuikTrip (or convenience store of your choice) and get a Diet Vanilla Dr. Pepper and pretend you are floating in it while you drink in its heavenly bubbly goodness.  


Step 2) Order 2 pizzas on your way home from work, and when you get home face plant into the middle of the Hawaiian pizza, and then after 1 or 2 (or 3) slices, pick only the toppings you like off of the other pizza and pop them in your mouth in rapid succession.  Then have another slice of Hawaiian.


Step 3) Throw all knowledge of healthy eating out the window when faced with a chocolate birthday cake.  (Vegetables? Whole Grains?  What the heck are those?)


Step 4) Laugh hysterically every time you walk by your treadmill.


Step 5) Suddenly come down with a case of Scarlet O’Hara Fever – “I won’t think about this right now, I’ll think about it tomorrow.  After all tomorrow is another day!” 


Step 6) Repeat steps 1-5 every day for a week.  You will be fat and happy in as little as 3 – 5 days!!


I’m not saying following these steps would work for anyone.  I’m just saying that I have  first hand knowledge a friend who tried them and this is what she told me.  So ya know, if you are tired of the weight just melting off of you, then this is something you might want to look into. Not that I would know or anything.

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