You may or may not know that after many, many years of dieting and trying to lose weight, I took a break. It’s been almost 2 years since I declared that I will never do another diet again and I’ve stuck to it. I’ve been fortunate that I’ve been able to maintain my weight – I’ve stayed within the same 4 pounds (+/- )the whole time. During these last 2ish years, I’ve been doing a lot of mental and emotional work and I have come a long way, baby. I’m sure I’ll always need to have access to some kind of counseling and I am totally fine with that, but I have put little to no effort into losing weight – I needed that mental break.
In the last couple of weeks, it has come to my attention that some people who have previously lived a sedentary life (much like myself) are now working on getting fit and losing weight. These are people that I am close to – some are family, some are neighbors, some are acquaintances – but they are people that I know personally and they are crushing it. Some are simply walking everyday, some are doing vigorous workouts at the gym. They are working out regularly, eating nutritious foods, and subsequently losing weight. Some are losing a little bit of weight and some are losing a lot of weight.
But what they are all doing is leaving me in the dust.
Don’t be jealous of my artistic skill. Some of us are just born gifted.
When I realized how many people I personally knew who are actually making the effort to change their health, the first thought I had was “I don’t want to be left behind!”
It’s so different watching the progress of people I actually know versus watching the progress of a random stranger on Instagram. It also made me realize that as long as those people were overweight and sedentary, I felt like it was okay for me to be that way as well. Maybe not okay, but I felt like at least I wasn’t the only one. Now however, I feel like saying “Oh, wait. We’re doing this now? We’re getting healthy…is this a thing now? Oh, okay, hold on, just let me get my walking shoes on…” It’s like now that my friends and family are into it, it feels okay for me to be into it too.
And maybe that’s why it’s been so hard for me to do it in the past? I didn’t want to be the odd man out, the one who was going against the grain and doing things differently. Actually I don’t think that’s it…I think I just wanted my own personal tribe to do it with me. I wanted a real-life group that I could belong to. And now I see this group forming before my eyes and suddenly I realize that I want to join in on the fun.
I don’t know exactly yet what this is going to look like for me – I still refuse to do a “diet” but I’m sure there is a way I can improve my health without it feeling like deprivation and torture. I know I need to start small, but I know myself well enough that I can’t start too small because I’ll get bored, but I can’t go gangbusters either because I will wear myself out and quit. I just need to find that middle path, that sweet spot that challenges me but is also sustainable.
What I also need is accountability. I may start posting here, but posting more Instagram-style and less wordy-y. More frequent, but shorter posts. Or heck, I may start a new Instagram account and post there…not sure yet, I’ll figure it out soon though. Any suggestions?
Okay, so. I’m doing this! I think. No, I am totally doing this. Now is the time. This is happening.