The Sassy Pear

Finding my way through my forties

This is what happens when I get less than 6 hours of sleep. — March 16, 2010

This is what happens when I get less than 6 hours of sleep.

I just noticed that not only do I have lipstick on my teeth but also a seed from the “strawberries” in Special K with Red Berries stuck in my teeth. Nice. And why do they call them Red Berries? Are they admitting that they aren’t real strawberries? Because I would have believed them if they had told me they were real strawberries. Now that I think of it, what are those things anyway????  And here’s another weird thing:  I got much less sleep last night than the night before, yet I’m strangely wide awake today. What up wif dat?

Focus, Jill, FOCUS!!

Anyway, so I would like to lose another 20 pounds, but in order to do this, I think I need to really ramp up my exercise BIG TIME.  A half hour on the elliptical a few days a week just doesn’t seem to be cutting  it like it did a couple of years ago. I think I need to get my sweat on for at least an hour a few days per week, but I’m not sure what to do. The elliptical is so convenient, and the money for a gym membership is just not there right now, but I think I could swing one or two classes per week. There is a yoga class on Tuesday nights and a Zumba class on Thursday nights, but would that be enough to kick it up? I don’t know.  Of course I’ve got The Shred on DVD, but really I’d like something  a little more fun, not so soul-crushing.  Any suggestions?

Also, I sit on my rear for 8 hours a day at work – I probably should incorporate some exercise into my day. Maybe get up once per hour and do 20 jumping jacks or something like that?  I wonder how effective that would be.  Anyone else a desk jockey?  How do you fit in exercise throughout the day? Have you ever been caught doing something in your office that made others look at you funny?  This is my big fear – I”ll be in full on Downward Dog and someone would walk into my office and see me NOT sitting in my chair. How to explain that? 

Photo by Vlad Sytnik

What I need is for someone to PLAN a workout schedule for me. That’s what I need! Anyone ever had any experience with an online personal trainer?  Or does anyone have a specific plan that you follow?  Actually now that I think about it, I could just do the work out plan on my health insurance’s website again. That’s what I was doing before the Great Finger Smashing of 2009 when I totally lost all my mojo. I think I’ll check that out again, because it had a cardio plan as well as a strength training plan.

Man, am I all over the place today or what?!? 

Okay, I’m off to find a work out plan!  Wish me luck!  🙂

oooh, the swirl – it is strong today — January 26, 2010

oooh, the swirl – it is strong today

So many things swirling in the ole noggin here, I hope I can organize my thoughts for you! 

First of all, I love hummus.  Hummus + carrots and peppers = pure bliss.  Love. It.

Anyway, the weekend was crazy. Good, but a little crazy.  Shawn  is in the process of re-doing all of our cabinets in the kitchen, and now we have decided to paint the kitchen walls as well.  I think I might even redo the backsplash, but I’m going to wait and see how the rest of it turns out first.  While I am very VERY very excited about my new kitchen, it is one big messy pile of messiness right now.  I can’t even see my kitchen table, there is so much STUFF on it. Also a very fine layer of dust is covering everything from the sanding of the cabinets, which makes for a very sneezy me.  I get very cranky when there is lots of clutter – I like for things to be tidy – so I’m trying very hard to be patient and just do the best I can.  I’ll be glad when it’s all done and put back together.  I took some before-photos, so when it’s all finished I”ll post those with the after because I love before and after pics, don’t you?  😉  But the mess is causing a bit of anxiety to bubble just underneath the surface – I really need to watch the stress-eating these next few days.

Saturday night, Shawn and I ate dinner out, and I made some very un-healthy choices, but at the time I just wanted what I wanted and what I wanted was a big steak. And a beer. What’s up with the beer? I hardly EVER drink beer (at least not since my college days, when I drank my fair share. And her fair share. And probably his fair share too. And that guy over there? Yeah I drank his share too. )  But the thing is, I can’t remember the last time I drank a beer before Saturday night, but for some odd reason, I just wanted one, so I had one.  It was okay, but it reminded me why I don’t drink beer anymore – I don’t like the taste and I am all about the taste these days. So I had a big fat steak and big tall beer and I hardly drank any water all weekend long and I don’t think I worked out once in 3 days.  Not so great for someone who is supposed to be on this really healthy 30 day program to lose weight, but I”ll get to that a little more in a minute…

Yesterday I took off work to attend a funeral for one of Shawn’s uncles, and after the funeral everyone wanted to go to Red Lobster. I actually made some really good choices there:  Grilled shrimp skewers with wild rice and broccoli (and two cheddar biscuits – I am powerless to resist the cheddar biscuits).  And I drank water.  So that was good, but then that night Shawn and the kids wanted me to make chicken and dumplings, so I did.  Now usually when I make Chicken and Dumplings I will eat 3 bowls and be completely ill, but oh so satisfied.  Last night I had one bowl and was pleasantly full – not too bad, but I know C&D isn’t exactly a health food.  I didn’t get in a workout yesterday either, so it’s no surprise that my weight is up this morning.  Of course I didn’t log my weight into iChange because I cannot bear to see that little arrow go up (Hi Stu and Diana* – just ignore that last sentence, okay?!) 

Okay, that concludes the “woe is me, pity me” portion of my blog post today. I’ve covered the bad and the ugly, now let’s explore the good, shall we? 

I got up at 5:30 this morning and did 30 minutes on the elliptical, so that it would be DONE and nothing else could get in the way.  I’ve also already had 3 glasses of water, a good breakfast, and of course my uberhealthy morning love fest of hummus and veggies.  So I’m starting strong, and come hell or high water, I will end strong today.  I had a bit of a revelation in the shower this morning (anyone else do their deepest thinking in the shower? Or is it just me?):  when I am dieting, The Crazy comes out and takes over.  Suddenly I am obsessed with dropping pounds and no matter how hard I try (or to be more honest, don’t try) I end up gaining.  I sabotage myself at every turn. All I think about and focus on is LOSING POUNDS!!!!  However, when I am focused on living healthfully, suddenly things are much easier. It becomes easier to ignore the cookies because I know they won’t fuel my body. Workouts are easier to fit in, because I know the energy boost I get will carry me through the day.  Really it all comes down to semantics and beating the mind game when I want to drop pounds.  Losing weight can’t be about LOSING WEIGHT ONLY, for me it has to be a happy side effect of everything else I am doing.

The reason I decided to get in on iChange is because I wanted to work with an RD who would teach me how to eat HEALTHY FOODS. I initally did not join to lose weight – of course that thought was in my mind, but it wasn’t my main goal until I got started and did so well the first few days that I dropped 2 pounds instantly – that set me off and for the last two weeks I have been obsessed with LOSING WEIGHT.  I decided this morning (in the shower) that I was not going to give in to The Crazy and I would shift my focus from dropping pounds to gaining energy and nutrition.  This is now my main focus. Yeah, I won’t lie – I hope I do lose weight, and I’m pretty sure I will if I just stay focused.  I’m just starting my third week, so this week and next week are the final stretch, and I hope I can make myself proud. 

So anyway, that’s what’ s going on with me.  I know some of you suffer from this same mind-game, how do you handle it?  How good are you at recognizing your own Crazy, and what tips you off?  And then, how do you get off The Crazy Train?  Enquiring minds want to know! 

*Stu is the big wig at iChange and Diana is my RD.  I really like working with both of them, and there might be a chance for me to keep working with them once the 30 day program is over. It’s in the works – I’ll let you know!  🙂

Being a responsible employee is taking away my blog time — November 18, 2009

Being a responsible employee is taking away my blog time

Hello! Remember me?  I’m the one who use to live for blogging and reading blogs, but since I’ve decided to devote my working hours to actually working, I don’t have 8 hours a day to read blogs anymore. I’d like to say it sucks, but really I’m so caught up at work it isn’t even funny. And the self-satisfaction of doing a job well is very, um…satisfying, so I think I’ll continue doing the job they actually pay me to do instead of using this time for my own personal endeavors (except for right now, because I am waiting on the next batch of papers to arrive, so I have a few minutes to spare – yay!). 


ANYWAY, the other night I had a really bizarre but completely fun dream:  Debby came to visit me and she brought along Annie, and we all went to Sam’s to do some bulk shopping (because apparently we needed 20 rolls of paper towels or something) and while we were there, we ran into June, who was having an argument with a teenage stock boy who wouldn’t help her in the fashion to which she is accustomed (I don’t know if June’s really like that, but that’s what was going on in the dream).  There was also something about Halloween costumes and big dinosaurs, and mattresses in the back yard, but that part’s a little fuzzy, so I can’t really explain all that. Now let me just tell y’all that Debby is one of my best blogging buddies and we have conversed many times, so the Debby part makes sense. However, even though I read Annie’s and June’s blogs every day, I’ve only commented once on both of their blogs and neither one of them would know me from Adam (Eve?) if they saw me on the street, so I can’t tell you why they were in my dream, except that maybe I instinctively know that we would all be great friends if we were to actually, ya know, go to Sam’s and hang out. I’m just saying.


Let’s see, what other weirdness is going on in my life? Oh, I finally jumped into 2007 and let my kids get a Nitnendo Wii. Yeah, we are way current with whole video gaming thing. Anyway they have been saving up for 10 months to get a Wii and we found a good deal on Craigslist (I loves me some Craigslist) so we got the Wii and have been playing it and Oh My Gosh I Am So Sore!!! I can barely lift my arms and my back feels like I gave an elephant a piggy back ride. I’m thinking of going professional in bowling cause I am crazy good.  Who knew?!


Oh! I think my original point of this post is to set a goal weight-wise for the holiday season. Do you all have a goal? If you don’t you probably should think about getting one – they’re all the rage these days. My goal is to get back to 155 (which I did as of this morning can I get a WootWoot!) and stay there until January. If I can just stay at or slightly below 155 for the next 8 weeks, I’ll be happy.  I think it’s good to have a goal, otherwise I’ll just dive head first into the first tray of Christmas cookies I see and not come up for air until Springtime. That’s kind of what has happened the last…well, let’s be honest, that’s what always happens. We’ll see how it goes this year since I have my Super Awesome Winter Holiday Goal or SAWHG for short. What’s your SAWHG?


Oh you may be asking why I needed to “get back” to 155? Well I gained about 4 pounds in the last month – not a huge gain, but again, I blame the finger incident. That really jacked up my mojo and even though I’m still not working out like I’d like, my eating has gotten better and I’m just a lot more active these last couple of weeks, which helps.  I’ve discovered that my whole house is one big gym. Saturday I reached the point of I JUST CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE and I cleaned my house within an inch of its 1700 square foot life. I spent the whole day cleaning but when I finished it was a thing of beauty! I burned major calories that day, and since I didn’t want it all to get messy again within 24 hours, I have been vigilant about keeping it picked up. That burns a lot of calories too, just picking up after myself and everyone else, and even though it is a lot of work, the satisfaction of having a clean and tidy house is worth it. I just hope I can keep up with it.


Since it’s been a while since we’ve talked about my hair, let’s talk about it again, shall we? It’s driving me crazy again. I know I am in need of a trim, but here’s the deal: my stylist T who I have been going to for 5 years now always gives me the same cut and style no matter how I tell her I want it. Don’t get me wrong, she’s great, but she is a big fan of the flat iron, so that seems to be her default – trim it and then flat iron it. I have been wearing my hair curly for some time now and frankly, I don’t have the time or energy to flat-iron it every day, so I really need a flattering curly-haircut, and I don’t know if  T can handle that.  So I ask you – do you have any good styles for me?  I’ll post a pic of the hair as it is now and you all can email me pics or suggestions or just post them here on the blog – whatever, just give me some ideas please!!  I’m growing desperate, and there has been talk of a family portrait in the near future, so I need ideas soon! Okay I just tried 47 times to upload a pic of my hair and it’s just not working for me, so go visit my pics page and you’ll get an idea of what my hair sort of looks like.


Okay, well that’s about all I can think of to blather about for right now, so I guess I’ll end it here.


Or not, cause I just thought of something else: I like shopping at thrift stores and I’m not ashamed to say it! There, I said it. I admit, I like getting clothes for dirt cheap and the last time I went I bought a ton of stuff for myself and my kids for $23! Yes $23!! Super cute jeans for Sarah, 4 super cute tops for me, some dressy churchy clothes for Matthew and a few other things made for a very happy me! Oh I got the CUTEST jacket for those nights out on the town – it made me feel so trendy! And did I mention it was DIRT CHEAP???? I loves me some Goodwill.


Okay, that is really all for today. I’m sure I’ll have more to ramble about later, so don’t forget to come visit me again, k?!  Have a great day!

The Brain Swirl – it is strong today — November 10, 2009

The Brain Swirl – it is strong today

I feel bad because I haven’t been commenting on many blogs lately. I used to be the QUEEN of commenting – that’s why I started my own blog because I had so much to say!  Now it seems I barely have time to read blogs, let alone leave witty, insightful comments, so please forgive me if I haven’t left any words of wisdom. I’ve still been reading when I can, and maybe soon I can get back to my regularly scheduled commenting.

I’ve noticed something about myself lately in regards to some blogs. The bloggers who really (seem) to have it all together, ie. they are eating super healthy foods and working out regularly…well…they make me feel bad about myself (Relax Debby, I’m NOT talking about YOU!  🙂  ) Kind of like how I used to feel when I would read fashion mags way back in the day, except that instead of feeling inadequate about the size of my thighs, now I feel inadequate about the fact that I’m not eating raw, organic, non-processed foods.  I still eat crap y’all, way more than I like to admit (she says as she stuffs the funsize BabyRuth wrapper under the sofa cushion), and I haven’t worked out regularly in WEEKS.  I thought that if I read those kinds of blogs, that somehow magically it would rub off on me and all of a sudden I would be the type of mom who serves eggplant and spinach to eager veggie-eating kids. Um, yeah, that ain’t gonna happen, at least not for awhile anyway. I’ve decided that I’m just not there yet – I’m not ready to be there yet, and that’s okay.  I’m not that far along on my journey yet, so I think I need to just relax and deal with where I am right now. I like being in the trenches with my own people – the flawed, the ever-struggling, the “we will triumph…someday!” kind of folks. Where I am right now is fine, and I’ll continue to move forward, but without the guilt.

Wanna hear a weird story? Good.  A couple of weeks ago, I got a call from a guy I dated TWENTY YEARS AGO.  It was completely out of the blue and at first it was just a nice conversation, but then he mentions that he felt really bad that we ended things on a sour note and he wanted to make amends. It has been bothering him ALL THIS TIME!  FYI, I broke up with him and I don’t think I was very nice about it, so why he felt he needed to make amends is beyond me. And also, the sad thing is that this guy has barely been a blip on my radar for the last 20 years – I rarely think of him.  Anyway, he went on and on about how awful it was when I left the small junior college we both attended, and how it took him a long time to get over me, etc etc.  And then he kept saying gushing “Oh Jill it’s so good to talk to you” and “it’s so good to hear your voice” and “I’m so glad I’m talking to you right now”, and it was the tone of his voice that caught me off guard – it wasn’t a friendly, light hearted tone, no, it was full of emotion and that’s when I started getting really uncomfortable with the whole conversation.  Apparently, he has been looking for me for awhile, and he had his MOM track me down on the internet (believe me, it wasn’t hard to do – it’s scary how much info is out there).  He is married and his wife knows about me, but I don’t think she was very happy about him contacting me. I don’t know if he just needed to get some things off his chest or what, but the whole thing has me a little freaked out. Maybe I’m making this out to be more than it really is, but what really has me freaked is that he showed up on FaceBook last week, and he sent me a Friend Request. Of course I ignored it, but then two days later, ANOTHER Friend Request shows up from him!  I have a feeling he is going to try and contact me again. I hope he doesn’t, but I can’t ignore this feeling.  I’ll let you know if anything else happens, because I feel like I need to have this documented somewhere and I guess this is as good a place as any.  Fun, huh?!

Finger Update:  I went back to the Orthopod(is that what they are really called, or is that just some doctor slang?)yesterday for a follow up and now it turns out that I need therapy (shut up) for my finger.  They are going to do somethings to it to desensitize the tip since it is still very sensitive.  He also mentioned that I might eventually need to have some of the bone shaved off because there is a tad bit of protrusion where the bone is pushing the flesh up, but that wouldn’t be for awhile, if we even do it at all. I hoped the Finger Saga would be over yesterday, but I guess it will continue for a little while longer. 

In other news, I’m a big baby who has to sleep with the light on when Shawn isn’t home.  He is away on a hunting trip (attn stalkers: I have a gun and I know how to use it) and every creak and pop of the house has me on high alert. I fixed this problem by leaving a light on in the kitchen which shines into the hallway so if any intruders come into the house I can see them before they see me. That way they won’t know what hit them when I put a cap in their ass.  Cuz I’m crazy like that (when I’m not busy being a big baby).  😉

Okay, well I guess that’s enough swirl for today.  Have a good Tuesday!  🙂



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