The Sassy Pear

Finding my way through my forties

Salty and Evil — October 14, 2015

Salty and Evil

Can we just talk about sparkling water for a moment?

I mean…it’s just…

WHY????

It’s like Lucifer decided to have a board meeting with his evil minions and it went something like this:

Lucifer: So, hey thanks for coming (as if you had a choice), I have a great idea…let’s take some water…some nice, cool, refreshing water…

Minions: yeah…

L: And let’s add some natural fruit flavors…

M: yeah…

L: like cherries and limes and oranges and pineapple…

M: yeah…

L: AND THEN LET’S OVERCARBONATE THE CRAP OUT OF IT AND MAKE IT TASTE LIKE FRUITY SALTWATER!!!!!!

M: *applause and cheers* YEAH!!!!!

L: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *wrings hands maniacally* I’M SO EVIL I CAN’T EVEN STAND MYSELF!!!! 

I mean, really!! I know there’s no sodium in sparking water, so why does it taste like I swallowed the ocean?

And I know there are people out there who are absolutely nutters over sparkling water, but I just don’t understand those people. I’ve tried to like it, really I have, but it just tastes like disappointment to me. Fruity, salty, disappointment.

I don’t like it. And that’s okay. If you like it, that’s okay too, just don’t try to convince me that I should like it. Because I won’t.

I’ll stick to plain ol’ uncarbonated water thankyouverymuch. Because I like my water like I like my men: smooth and cool and un-carbonated.

🙂

Having way too much fun with this! — October 9, 2015

Having way too much fun with this!

Have you guys tried this?? It’s a makeup app (Youcam Makeup) that uses your camera to apply different make up looks to your picture! So much fun!

Here is my before and after:

Good gravy, I look so tired in my Before pic! What I learned from this is that I really need to start playing up my eyes when I do my make up.
Good gravy, I look so tired in my Before pic! What I learned from this is that I really need to start playing up my eyes when I do my make up. And get more sleep. 

Here I am if I were from the 1940s:

Now I just need some Pin Up Girl hair to go with my Pin Up Girl makeup!
Now I just need some Pin Up Girl hair to go with my Pin Up Girl makeup!

I’m a Fairy Princess!!

Where's my magic wand???
Where’s my magic wand???

And finally, me, if I were a cat:

Meow!
Meow!

This was a lot of fun to play with when I had some down time at work! What’s your favorite downtime game or app?

Folding my laundry — August 25, 2010
Admit it, Mustangs are cool. — April 6, 2010

Admit it, Mustangs are cool.

Hey remember yesterday when I said I was cutting out sugar? Let’s all have a good laugh at that one. Ready?

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

(deep breath in)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

The Hindenjill crashes spectacularly.

Oh, wow. I don’t think the Hindenburg crashed as fast as I did yesterday. I got 13 hours into my sugar free path and then I caved to the call of The Chocolate Eggs. And the Key Lime Pie. And a brownie. I seriously white-knuckled it for a few hours and then I just gave it up. So obviously I’m not ready to give up the sweets entirely, which is fine with me, really. I don’t think a couple of pieces of dark chocolate every day are going to kill me (think of all the antioxidants I’ll be getting!) so I’ll just stick with that as my treat for now.

I was thinking last night about my whole issue with counting calories, and I had a thought that kind of startled me. I was pondering why I have such a hard time with it and why I get so frustrated when I’m doing it. I think that when I’m counting calories I get really frustrated because I always seem to go over, and I feel like I can’t stay within my allotted calorie range (that word allotted makes me uncomfortable too – we’ll discuss that in a sec) and that makes me feel like a failure. Usually when I go over, it’s due to poor food choices (Key Lime Pie would be a good example here) and it makes me angry that I choose to eat these things when I KNOW it’s not going to help me get any closer to my goal weight. Seeing my bad choices on paper is like LOOKING IN THE MIRROR AND NOT LIKING WHAT I SEE. I have worked hard to get over my body image issues, so when I see my poor food choices on paper, it’s like going back and beating myself up for having large thighs. I think that’s a completely useless and unnecessary feeling. I also think that knowledge is power, so knowing how many calories I’m consuming in a day could be a really helpful tool, but how do I get over this calorie-image issue? Not sure how to conquer this one.

On a related note, having an “allotted” calorie range makes me feel confined – sort of along the lines of “you’re not the boss of me”. It’s my inner brat, I know, but again, I’m not sure how to shut her up. I imagine it’s how a wild mustang feels being penned up in a corral (yes I just compared myself to a wild mustang – hee!). There’s a stubborn streak in there that needs to be broken because it is, I believe, the reason I sabotage myself over and over again. Geez, you would think that being almost 40 years old, I’d be over all this “I’m acting like a 2 year old” stuff, but I guess I’m not. Gotta love human nature!

I only wish I were this cool.

We are moving our offices at work later this week, so I might be absent for a few days. I think this move is going to be good for me. We are moving out of the plant into a nice little office building, so this means I will no longer have to dress like a construction worker (I wear jeans and boots/tennis shoes every day) and I’ll be able to wear skirts and flip flops if I want! I’m so excited – SQUEEEEE!!!!

Today after work I’m going to do W2D2 of C25k. I think I’m going to go the gym and run on the indoor track because it is super windy out there today and I just don’t have the energy to fight it. I didn’t make time to get all my stuff together last night, so I’ll have to go home and change first, which could be very detrimental to my run. But if I don’t do the run tonight, it will screw up my whole training schedule, so I have to do it. Maybe I’ll send myself a reminder through my phone to GET IT DONE.

Have a good Tuesday everyone! 🙂

Fare Thee Well, My Sweet — February 24, 2010

Fare Thee Well, My Sweet

It. Is. ON!!!!!

For the next 10 days, I am declaring myself a sweets-free zone.  No cookies, cakes, ice cream, or dessert of any kind for the next 10 days. From now through March 5 I will not consume any sugary-junky confections.  I can totally do this. I’m not worried about it because I totally did it yesterday. Yes, you heard me right:  I did not eat any Girl Scout Cookies. AT. ALL.  Woo!

Now for my disclaimers (you knew there would be a few):  I have a teaspoon of sugar in my coffee every morning – I’m keeping that because coffee without a little bit of sweet in it is just wrong. Wrong, I say!! So the coffee-sugar stays. Also, I’m not banning all forms of sugar in all forms of food, because, y’all, there’s sugar in EVERYTHING. I would make myself insane trying to avoid sugar at all costs, and I have so little sanity left as it is – let’s not waste what’s there, mkay? Um…that’s all the disclaimers I can think of right now…I may add more later if I think of any.

The point of this little experiment of mine is threefold:

  • to prove to myself that I will not die if I don’t have dessert,
  • to prove to myself that I am stronger than my cravings
  • to get my weight loss going again

I’m serious everyone.  I am so doing this.  And I know that in 2.5 minutes someone is going to come into my office and offer me something sweet because that’s how things like this always go, but I will be strong and with conviction I will say, “No thank you and good day sir!” and if they persist in offering me the sinful delight, I will say, “I said Good Day!”  That’ll show ’em!!

Okay, so any words of wisdom for me here? Anything you think I should know before I embark on my journey?  Pray tell, please share!!

funny dog pictures, loldogs, cute puppy pictures, serious
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No time to play today :( — February 19, 2010

No time to play today :(

Had to stay home yesterday with a sick kiddo, so I’m trying to play catch up at work today.  Busy busy!!

It’s going to be a busy weekend too.  Have to go pick up Girl Scout cookies tomorrow night – that means I’ll be with many boxes of cookies for most of the weekend.  Heaven help me!!!  🙂

Here’s your funny for the day – have a good weekend!

Funny Pictures - Cat lesson learned
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Friday: ah, the sweet smell of the weekend! — January 15, 2010

Friday: ah, the sweet smell of the weekend!

Howdy ya’ll!! 

I loves me some Friday (note to self: stop saying “loves me some” all the time! You sound like a hick from the sticks!).

So you guys have any good plans for the weekend?  It’s been a little bit of a rough week here in Sassy land, so I think I’m going to take the husband out on a date Saturday night. We have a gift card to Logan’s Roadhouse that we still need to use – anyone have any nutritious suggestions for eating there? I haven’t looked to see if they have nutritional info on their website yet. I hope they do. Being from Oklahoma, I love s me some meat.

My big dilemna is what to do with tonight. Friday nights are usually spent recovering from the week, i.e. vegging on the couch with a movie and a pizza.  I’d really like to get in a workout, and I’ve already got a decent meal planned – the hurdle is going to be getting over the “Let’s party because it’s Friday” mindset.  I got a little bonus from work, so I could go out and buy a Wii Fit Plus. Okay here’s my question: the Wii Fit Plus sells for around $200 right? But if you already have a Wii Fit, the Fit Plus cd is only $20.  What gives?  Is there something special in the Fit Plus bundle? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Keepin’ it short and sweet today, I have a bunch of work to catch up  on, so I need to get to it.  I hope you all have a fabulous weekend!!  🙂

funny pictures of dogs with captions

Tuesday…quite possibly the most boring day of the week. — January 12, 2010

Tuesday…quite possibly the most boring day of the week.

Hi!  

I’m feeling kinda blah, or as we like to say in blogland, meh. It could be a number of factors contributing to my meh-ness and since I have nothing better to write about, please humor me whilst I list them all here, one by friggin one.

1) It’s my Lady Time. I decided that I don’t like the terms TOM or Aunt Flo. Lady Time sounds much more civilized don’t you think? Also it sounds kinda like something your old Southern Aunt Sally would say: “Don’t mind me, Sugah, I’m just sufferin’ from my Lady Time.”  It makes me giggle every time I say it, and really, couldn’t we all use something to giggle about during our Lady Time?  heehee!

2) I’ve been on iChange and kickin ass for one whole day and guess how much weight I lost?! NONE! Big Fat Zero Zilch! I mean, come on! I’ve been doing this a whole day and I didn’t lose anything?  I’m just feeling pretty indignant at ole Mary Lou right now, even thought it’s really not her fault. It’s Lady Time’s fault.  heehee!

3) It’s Tuesday. I don’t like Tuesdays. I HATE Mondays, but Tuesdays are so boring that I can’t even muster up any emotion at all for them. They’re just kind of…meh.

4) I’ve got a ton of work to do here at work, so my play time is limited. And my home computer is in the computer hospital having some tests run. We’re hoping for a good diagnosis. We should know in a couple of days. I’ll let you know because I’m sure you will be tingly with anticipation.  Okay, tingly with anticipation makes me giggle too. Why yes, I am a 12 year old boy, why do you ask?

5) Oh, the point of telling you that my home computer is sick is that I can’t blog or anything at home. Which sucks because I like blogging from home. And looking up things I don’t need on Craigslist. Seriously, Craigslist is like one big treasure hunt for me.  I have made it my mission in life to never buy anything new again – I will scour Craigslist until I find said item in excellent condition for a fraction of what I could buy it new. For example, my daughter’s bike, my son’s Nintendo DS, my new kitchen hutch (okay I didn’t actually buy this last one, but I want to, oh. how. I. want. to.)! I am the Queen of Craigslist.

6) Um…okay well I can’t think of anymore.

So yeah, there it is. And now please look away while I write a private letter to Chapstick:

Dear Chapstick,

I love you. No, really, I do. You comfort me with your smooth balminess and you make my lips feel quenched and supple. When my lips are dry as the Sahara and rough as sandpaper, you swoop in and save the day.  You, oh Classic Formula, make me happy.  I enjoy your cousin, Cherry Chapstick, as well, but you my darling, are by far my favorite. And you go above and beyond the call – you also make my lipstick stay on longer.  You take such good care of me and how do I repay you? I carelessly toss you into the deep, dark recesses of my purse  and only remember you when my lips thirst for your comfort. Please forgive me for my selfishness, and continue to do the work you were born to do.

All my love,

Jill ♥

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