Hello December!

Howdy!

Well, I did NOT get sick the day before Thanksgiving, thank goodness, and I was able to pull off another successful Family Feast. You know how I was whining about having so much to do, yada yada yada? Turns out, my kids are awesome – they did 98% of the cleaning and set up while I was out running a last minute errand – they all pulled together and kicked some house-cleaning tail!! So thankful for those kids. ❤ All I had to do was the cooking, which my daughter also helped me with, so it was actually pretty easy overall.

After the all the festivities of Thursday, on Friday all I wanted to do was lay around in my pjs and watch movies with my kids, which is what we did for most of the day. It was bliss!! I needed a day to just do nothing and not think about anything other than Thor’s beefy muscles (excuse me while I swoon). On Saturday I was a bit more productive and put up the Christmas tree, decorated it and the rest of the house, cleaned out part of our storage shed, and took my girls to the park because it was a crazy 76 degrees outside – can you believe that?!? Can you also believe today’s high is only 32 degrees?

Go home Oklahoma weather! You’re drunk!

Yesterday I spent part of the afternoon cleaning the floor on my side of the bed because the books were overflowing and my husband was threatening to come in with a bulldozer and clean them all out. I dug an old bookcase out of our storage shed and set all my books on it. To look at my books, you would think that I’m Super Thin Christian Girl since most of the books I own are either about religion or dieting. Well, we all know I’m no expert on either topic, which is probably why I feel the need to keep buying books about them. To be fair, most books that I buy now are in ebook form – my Kindle is still my most prized possession, so I haven’t bought an actual book-book in a long time. I have to say, that having that area clean is a goooood feeling, and I love how the book case looks at the foot of my bed. If I think about it, I’ll take a picture, but don’t hold your breath on that one. 🙂

Okay, so it’s confession time. I ate ALL THE THINGS over the weekend. If it was there, I ate it. Most of the time it went like this:

Me (opening fridge): “Hmmm, wonder what’s in here?”

Pie: “Hey. How’s it going?”

Me: Shoves pie in face.

Aaand scene.

Feel free to substitute PIE with any other food that had the misfortune to be within my grasp and you’ll get an idea of how it went for the last four days.

I just didn’t want to think about food over the weekend and what I mean is, I didn’t want to think about fighting it off. I feel like so much of my days are spent in a tug of war with food. When I’m focused and actively making an effort to eat healthy, I do well, but sometimes I get so tired of being careful. This weekend I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. And it’s not that I really wanted the food, I just wanted to not THINK about whether or not I wanted it. Does that make sense? My brain is a weird and confusing place sometimes. :/

So now I’m back to eating well and drinking tons of water (I drank very little water over the long weekend, I did however drink plenty of wine.) and trying to move more. I haven’t stepped on the scale and don’t plan to at least until Thursday – I need a few days before I face that number.

I’ve got Zumba on tap for Tuesday and Wednesday evening and I’m trying to talk myself into spending at least 20 minutes on the treadmill tonight, Thursday, and Saturday. We’ll see how that goes. I dread getting on the treadmill, so I figure if I tell myself that I only have to do 20 intense minutes, that will be good enough.

I hope you all had a good weekend – only 24 days until my next long weekend. WOOHOO!!

Scorched

There’s not a lot that I can do really well. Oh sure, I can type pretty fast and I can sing to my steering wheel like there’s no tomorrow, but really I don’t excel at much.

Except for the Crash and Burn.

(source)

I can crash and burn like nobody’s business. I crash in the most spectacular fashion. It’s beautiful, really.

All I need is a stressful day, an unexpected bill, or maybe just an exasperated look from the spouse and I am on FIRE.  The sparks that fly off my fingers as I rip into bags of chips are blinding. My descent into binge hell is like the most perfect swan dive off an Olympic platform. Graham crackers, lunch meat, cereals of the sugar variety…nothing is off limits when I dance my way around the kitchen, leaving a blurry trail of light and crumbs in my wake.

It’s what I do best. I’m thinking of turning it into a performance art. Of course refreshments would be provided at intermission.

Yes, I have become the master of glorious explosions and scorched earth. Wrappers will go unidentified, cartons will be less full, and no one will be the wiser.

It’s nice to be a master of something.

Now if only I could learn to use my powers for good…

Well I haven’t had a good rant in a while so…

I woke up today to my highest non-pregnancy weight ever. My fat jeans are snug. I broke the handle on my work chair because it’s the side I lean on all the time – broke the bolt right in two. I ran out of sugar so my coffee this morning was extra crappy. I’m one big raging hormone right now.

Yeah.

And you know what else is fun? Trying on last year’s spring/summer clothes over the weekend and realizing nothing fits!! That’s not depressing at all. And speaking of craptacular weekends, did I mention that I singlehandedly ate every single thing in my kitchen in search of the perfect replacement for peanut M&Ms? Learn from me, my people, when I say there is NO replacement for peanut M&Ms when the preLadyTime hormone will only be satisfied with The Peanut M&M sacrifice. Don’t try to fool her, she will take her vengeance and leave you wimpering in the corner. It wasn’t pretty.

After I hauled my beaten self out of the corner, I was looking over all the diet books I have at home and I realized that I have lots of books on how to stay on an eating plan, but guess what I don’t have? An actual eating plan. I feel like I am floundering and just sort of wandering around the dieting desert with no direction. Ever feel like that? So I am now in search of an eating plan that will satisfy both my taste buds as well as my aging body. Of course, there’s always the obvious choice of Weight Watchers, but aside from that, what else is there? South Beach is so passé, as are low carb plans. I could always go back to my doctor and request the diet pill plan that I was so successful with in the past, but I don’t know, that just sort of seems like putting a bandaid over a deep wound – not helpful in the long run. I honestly have no idea what to do. I need the structure of a plan, but I don’t want to feel restricted. Am I asking for my cake and wanting to eat it too? Absolutely. There has to be a plan out there that I can live with, and that my family can live with as well. Right?

And you know what else? I’m hungry. I just ate a salad and an orange for lunch and I’m still hungry. I have my afternoon sandwich, but if I eat that now, I’ll be hungry again later and I have to go to the grocery store after work, and well, we all know that going to the store hungry is a recipe for disaster.

Hey, you know what I should do? Whine and complain a little bit, because that always makes everything better, right?

I’m going to take my crabby self and just pound out some work orders because nothing cheers me up like working. Oh, and I just noticed I have mustard stains on my sweater. Nice. Professional, is what I am, yo.

Okay, I’m done.

Christmas Crash

 

So is anyone else Christmas crashing this week? I always feel a little bit sad after Christmas is over – the high of being with family and seeing the kids open their presents, I hate to see it go. But this is different – I have felt like one big train wreck all week long. I have been weepy, irritable, and just plain TIRED. I think the let-down of the holidays + mountains of sugar + my Lady Time hormones = the Perfect Storm for bitchiness. My poor husband doesn’t know what to do – he gets the brunt of my wrath (or apathy, depending on the day) and he’s just about had it with me. Truth is, I’ve just about had it with me, too.

I’m trying to be compassionate with myself, but man it’s hard. I’ve been able to fend off the emotional effects of this extra weight, but now the physical effects are hitting me. Rolling over in bed is becoming increasingly more difficult. Getting up off the floor after playing with my daughter takes what feels like Herculean effort. Walking a length any longer than that between my office and my car, or my car and the house, has me breathing heavier than usual. This is getting serious.

I’m making plans though – plans to get started getting fit. My husband ordered a Wii Fit Plus from a rewards program he gets through one of his suppliers and it should arrive in about a month. I know, it’s not exactly Ironman training, but for a sedentary gal like myself, it’s a start. Also, my favorite neighbor has been teaching a boot camp class and she has finally gotten the price down low enough that I can attend. She is doing a class that is on Monday and Wednesdays for 4 weeks, and I told her I would do this class with her, so there’s that. I’m also thinking about going back to my yoga class once a week. I really like yoga and I think it does a lot of good for me – physically and mentally.

It’s a start. That’s what I keep telling myself, that something is better than nothing and I have been doing a lot of NOTHING lately. I’ll still have plenty of time to relax in the evenings, but I need to MOVE. I need some activity – something that will get my blood moving and my heart rate up. I hope that all this activity will help my mood and my state of mind.

And if it doesn’t, I may be facing a divorce in the coming year (I’m kidding! I hope.)

Do any of you deal with the Great Holiday Let Down? Does the day after Christmas feel like the saddest day of the year?

 

 

I cried.

I can’t remember the last time I had a good cry. I can’t remember the last time I had a bad cry. Even though I tend to be an overly emotional person, for some reason over the last year or so I have not cried. When I needed to cry, the tears wouldn’t come. When I wanted to cry, the time or place wasn’t conducive to a good sob fest. So I have not cried in probably over a year.

Until yesterday.

Crying Eye

Work has been supremely stressful for the last couple of weeks and although I’ve been able to deal with it (and by deal, I mean stuffing myself with Oreos), yesterday I had enough. We’ve been implementing a new data entry system, and to say it has been challenging is an understatement. Do you remember those old slide puzzles? The ones where in order to get the picture, you have to slide the pieces around and if one piece isn’t moved right, then the whole puzzle gets screwed up? That’s what this system is like. In order for it to work correctly, everyone has to do their part JUST RIGHT, and let’s be honest here – NO ONE ever does their part just right.  So guess who has to clean up the mess? That’s right – me.

I hit my breaking point just as my coworkers were about to leave (my shift starts and ends an hour later than everyone else – I like it this way), and one coworker knew that the dam was about to burst, but he just said a few kind words and left.  After everyone had left, I let it go. I put my head down on my desk and I cried.

I cried.

I cried for the stress I was feeling, I cried for the frustration that had bubbled up and over the brim, I cried and cried and cried. After a few minutes, I realized that I was not just crying over this stupid system, I was crying for a year’s worth of bottled up pain.

I cried for the Coworker stress that happened back in February and still exists today (but is only about 10% of what it was); I cried because I stuffed my feelings down with food and gained 20 pounds; I sobbed big wailing sobs because money is so tight and it’s Christmas time; I cried because Shawn hasn’t worked in over a month and his business might not pick up again until spring. I bawled because I am almost 40 years old and I have turned into the very thing I never, ever wanted to be: a frumpy, tired, stressed out, overweight office drone and I’m afraid it’s too late and it’s going to be too hard to change.

So I cried at my desk. And I cried on the drive home (so hard that I thought I was going to have to pull over on the side of the road until I could get it together). When I got home, I went straight to my husband’s arms and I cried to him (and he said and did all the right things – including cooking dinner!). I cried until my eyes were literally dry and hurting.

God, it felt good.

Today I feel refreshed, cleansed. I feel like my “reset” button has been set and I can continue on with my life. Yes the work stress will still be there, but I can deal with it. Yes, I’m still overweight but I can deal with that too. Yes money is still tight, but when is it not?

Today I feel lighter and better able to deal with all the stuff that a 39.75 year old frumpy office drone has to deal with. I will never again underestimate the power of a good cry, the power of letting all out no matter how red and puffy and tear-streaked it may be. From now on, I will make time to cry if I feel the need. I can’t push aside this stress-relieving resource any more.

If you haven’t cried in a while, find a quiet place and some alone time, and let. it. go. I promise, it will do your soul a world of good.

 

(picture source)

The horrible, no good, very bad weekend.

I feel like I am going to jump out of my skin. Am filled with lots of anxiety and really need to dump it out all over this post before I go ballistic.

Issue #1 – started my period after being two weeks late. This is not a big deal, but it certainly hasn’t helped my mood either.

Issue #2 – Have been sick all weekend. Don’t know if it’s allergies or a cold, but whatever it is, it has been making me miserable. Coughing, scratchy throat, sneezing, stuffy head, stuffy nose – I’ve got it all. We’ve been running around all weekend long, so I really haven’t had a chance to just lay around and rest. Total suckage. Also I have no appetite, so instead of eating my anxieties away, I’ve been snapping at the family. It hasn’t been a good weekend.

Issue #3 – We have been watching our neighbor’s kitten since Friday and it has been VERY STRESSFUL. Her kitten and my kitten do NOT get along. They’ve been fighting all weekend long and it is really wearing on me. Also I have a feeling that her kitten has not had a trip to the vet yet – I think the kitten is only about 6 or 7 weeks old. I’m pretty sure the kitten has worms because his poo is runny and stinks to high heaven. It probably also has fleas and ear mites. I’m a little ticked that my neighbor would ask me to keep the kitten knowing this, but I’m also ticked at myself for not checking to make sure before I agreed to watch her. Thankfully the neighbor is coming home today, so the kitten will be gone in a few hours.

Issue #3 – my 13 year old son has spent the entire weekend at his friend’s house. I know this is just a preview of what’s to come in his teenage years, but I want my lil duckling home safe in his mama’s nest! My husband also got him a phone last Thursday, and we have had a small talk about texting, but we need to talk a lot more. Him having this phone is just one more thing to worry about.

Issue #4 – this sounds totally crazy, but I think watching the show “Hoarders” sets off my own anxiety. Watching all those people not dealing with their stuff really bothers me. Sometimes I really feel sorry for them and other times I think they are pathetic losers. There is a marathon on today and I watched a couple of episodes and that’s when all this really started coming to a head this morning. I wonder if seeing all their “stuff” not being dealt with makes me feel bad for not dealing with my “stuff” even though I’m not really sure what my “stuff” is.  I tell ya, the older I get the more insane I think I’m becoming!  And I just realized that I was watching a lot of Hoarders when this happened a few months ago.  Wonder if there’s a correlation???? Either I need to watch a lot of Hoarders so I can get all this out or I need to stop watching it altogether.

Okay so those are my issues du jour. I sure hope everyone else has had a better weekend than mine. At least I didn’t have to work today, so I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.

Figuring out The Crazy

So I just got off the phone with a counselor because I think I’m going crazy. No, really. I feel off these days and I’m not sure why, so this post is me trying to figure it all out.

A few years ago when I did Weight Watchers, something was turned on in my brain that made me become obsessive about food. I thought about food and losing weight ALL. THE. TIME.  All I could think about was losing weight: what to eat, what not to eat, how to exercise, how much to exercise, etc.  It got to the point that I really felt out of control with it.

Then I started taking the appetite suppressants from my doctor and POOF! The crazy obsessive food thoughts were gone.  I didn’t think about food or losing weight anymore. It was such a great feeling to be able to think about something besides losing weight!  For the next year and a half, my brain and I coexisted peacefully.

Then in January I joined iChange and started doing the “diet” thing again and slowly but surely, those crazy thoughts, and anxious feelings started to creep up again.  I’m thinking about losing weight all the time, and how I’m so bad at it.  I keep thinking that if I could just get a handle on these food issues, I’ll be okay, but I can’t get a handle on them. I’ve binged more in the last month than I have in the last 2 years, and I don’t know why, but it seems to be getting worse.  I feel tense and on edge. Just thinking about iChange and counting calories makes me feel like I want to run the other direction. And I know that some of my iChange friends read my blog, so for those of you who do – please know that I miss you terribly, but I just can’t be a part of it for right now. I’ve got STUFF I need to deal with first.

I haven’t decided if I will go for counseling or not – real honest to goodness face to face counseling.  What would be my reason for going? What would I tell my husband (he doesn’t know any of this is going on – I’m very good at hiding it)?

I think the first thing I need to do is to stop trying to lose weight. I need to step away from the WHOLE weight-losing world for awhile and just focus on figuring out these crazy emotions. I’m not sure what that means for this blog – I might be absent here for awhile, I might start a whole new blog that is diet-free, or I might have two blogs and write simultaneously. I don’t know yet.

I’m trying to think of events or things that have happened that might have led to this “breakdown”.  I’m going to brainstorm for a few minutes, so bear with me.

  • Kids are out of school and my oldest is babysitting.  He’s done a very good job so far, but I think I do feel a bit of anxiety about the whole situation. He’s babysitting because we cannot afford to pay my neighbor what we were paying her last summer, which brings me to my next “issue”:
  • Finances are scary right now.  Shawn’s business hasn’t picked up this year like it usually does, so things are tight.  The oldest just got braces and the first payment is due this month, I’m getting a crown on my tooth that costs a fortune, I have got the shopping bug really bad, but I know that we can’t afford to spend much money right now. This causes a lot of stress that sits just under the surface.
  • The incident with my parents that happened over the weekend. It still bothers me. I feel like this is bothering me more than it should – like the way things bother you when you are pms-ing.
  • New office space – my boss sits behind me and can look directly over my shoulder whenever he wants.  It’s a big change for me in that I no longer have the privacy/time to peruse the internet like I used to. I used to spend large amounts of time reading blogs, and being active at iChange, but now I can’t do that with him right behind me.  It’s not necessarily a bad thing, because I am caught up at work and my productivity has increased about 800%, but I’m wondering if I’m going through some sort of withdrawal or grief.  It sounds crazy, I know, but that’s what this whole post is about – my Crazy.
  • I ran my first 5k a couple of weeks ago. That was a pretty huge deal for me. Maybe I’m coming down off of the high of training and running. Have I mentioned that I have another race next weekend and have not run one single step since the last one?  I’m setting myself up for major disappointment if I don’t get my butt in gear.
  • I wonder if I’m going through some sort of midlife crisis.  The way my life has turned out is not at all what I expected it to be, but isn’t it the same with most people? We all have grand ideas of what we want our lives to be like when we are young and when those dreams die in a pile of unfolded laundry, do we just accept it and go with the flow? That’s what I have done.
  • I feel like I need to insert right here that I am mostly pleased with my life – I have a great husband, really awesome kids, I can walk outside and sit by the pond and watch the fish swim right now if I want to. I have a lot to be thankful for and I KNOW that I am so blessed…which is why I need to figure out what the heck is wrong with me.

I can’t think of anything else right now. I think I’m going to go get some aggression out on my elliptical. Maybe I can reverse a little bit of my latest binge.  If you stuck around this long, thanks for hanging in with me while I try and figure this out.  I welcome any and all comments/suggestions/advice you might want to provide.

Crazy ridiculous

So here’s the deal – the whole crazy ridiculous deal:  for some reason (my birthday cake, Easter ham, Easter candy, new running program) I gained five pounds in the last 4 weeks.  I have been so freaked out about gaining those five pounds that I have eaten copious amounts of fried foods, high fat foods, and sugar laden foods for the last week or so, more specifically the last three days. My pants are snug (uncomfortably so) and my shirts aren’t quite as fitted as they used to be, so that is freaking me out as well, and well… apparently being freaked out makes me want to eat my kitchen, and I am happy to oblige until I realize what I’ve done and am feeling ill and disappointed in myself.

I’ve gone through the usual thoughts: if I just had a new plan to follow, if I just didn’t have xyz going on in my life, if I could just have a few days of healthy eating in a row, etc etc etc., THEN I could get rid of this extra weight super fast. But the truth is, I just need to keep plugging away and stay focused on my eating plan and keep running and maybe even start adding days to work out.

I’ve been falling into the trap of thinking “I’m running now, so I can eat more” which to be quite honest, is total BS. Out of 30 minutes this morning, I ran for a total of 9 minutes (2 90 second runs, 2 3 minute runs), so really I’m not running very much at all.

It’s at times like these that I want to run back to the diet pills and beg their forgiveness for abandoning them and hope they’ll take me back. But I don’t want to keep using diet pills as my crutch, I want to do this chemical-free. I just wonder how long I’m going to do this dance. Will it be year after year? Will I be 53 years old still fighting the same fight? Will I ever get a handle on this? I’m not sure, I’m really not.

If anyone knows how to break through all this ridiculousness, I’d love to hear it.

I NEED this magnet...I might just have to buy it!

Admit it, Mustangs are cool.

Hey remember yesterday when I said I was cutting out sugar? Let’s all have a good laugh at that one. Ready?

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

(deep breath in)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

The Hindenjill crashes spectacularly.

Oh, wow. I don’t think the Hindenburg crashed as fast as I did yesterday. I got 13 hours into my sugar free path and then I caved to the call of The Chocolate Eggs. And the Key Lime Pie. And a brownie. I seriously white-knuckled it for a few hours and then I just gave it up. So obviously I’m not ready to give up the sweets entirely, which is fine with me, really. I don’t think a couple of pieces of dark chocolate every day are going to kill me (think of all the antioxidants I’ll be getting!) so I’ll just stick with that as my treat for now.

I was thinking last night about my whole issue with counting calories, and I had a thought that kind of startled me. I was pondering why I have such a hard time with it and why I get so frustrated when I’m doing it. I think that when I’m counting calories I get really frustrated because I always seem to go over, and I feel like I can’t stay within my allotted calorie range (that word allotted makes me uncomfortable too – we’ll discuss that in a sec) and that makes me feel like a failure. Usually when I go over, it’s due to poor food choices (Key Lime Pie would be a good example here) and it makes me angry that I choose to eat these things when I KNOW it’s not going to help me get any closer to my goal weight. Seeing my bad choices on paper is like LOOKING IN THE MIRROR AND NOT LIKING WHAT I SEE. I have worked hard to get over my body image issues, so when I see my poor food choices on paper, it’s like going back and beating myself up for having large thighs. I think that’s a completely useless and unnecessary feeling. I also think that knowledge is power, so knowing how many calories I’m consuming in a day could be a really helpful tool, but how do I get over this calorie-image issue? Not sure how to conquer this one.

On a related note, having an “allotted” calorie range makes me feel confined – sort of along the lines of “you’re not the boss of me”. It’s my inner brat, I know, but again, I’m not sure how to shut her up. I imagine it’s how a wild mustang feels being penned up in a corral (yes I just compared myself to a wild mustang – hee!). There’s a stubborn streak in there that needs to be broken because it is, I believe, the reason I sabotage myself over and over again. Geez, you would think that being almost 40 years old, I’d be over all this “I’m acting like a 2 year old” stuff, but I guess I’m not. Gotta love human nature!

I only wish I were this cool.

We are moving our offices at work later this week, so I might be absent for a few days. I think this move is going to be good for me. We are moving out of the plant into a nice little office building, so this means I will no longer have to dress like a construction worker (I wear jeans and boots/tennis shoes every day) and I’ll be able to wear skirts and flip flops if I want! I’m so excited – SQUEEEEE!!!!

Today after work I’m going to do W2D2 of C25k. I think I’m going to go the gym and run on the indoor track because it is super windy out there today and I just don’t have the energy to fight it. I didn’t make time to get all my stuff together last night, so I’ll have to go home and change first, which could be very detrimental to my run. But if I don’t do the run tonight, it will screw up my whole training schedule, so I have to do it. Maybe I’ll send myself a reminder through my phone to GET IT DONE.

Have a good Tuesday everyone! 🙂

Roughin’ it

I won’t lie. I’m having a rough time, y’all.  For the last 6 nights my 4 yo has woken up in the middle of the night with a cough. The allergy-drainage cough that just won’t quit. Every night around 2 am, I end up awake for about an hour trying everything to soothe her cough, but last night my son also started coughing, and then lo and behold, to put the icing on the cake, Shawn decided to start snoring.

It was not a good night. And if you’ve been reading me for a while, you know that I do not do well on little sleep.

You know that scene in The Divine Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood where Ashley Judd’s character just can. not. take. it. another day and she drives to a motel and just s l e e p s. For days.  Honestly, sometimes that’s what I want to do. Just run away and sleep until I cannot sleep anymore. I don’t want to leave my family, but having several days to just sleep would do my soul a world of good.

the part I’m referring to starts at around minute 6

I am slowly coming out of my pity-party, due to a few different (I believe) divinely inspired people.  I have signed up for a 5k in May. Normally I wouldn’t have signed up without attempting some semblance of training first, but this is for a good cause. There is a 19 year old boy in my town who is fighting cancer, and some of his friends have organized a 5k race in which the proceeds will go directly to him to help with the medical bills, which are staggering as you can well imagine. My friend Lynn told me about the race and I decided to sign up and attempt to RUN.  I’m going to start training this weekend with C25k. I hope that focusing on someone’s REAL pain will get me out of my own selfish world.

Another divine intervention came from Karly at First Ourselves.com. Karly is one of those women whose passion in life is teaching other women to value themselves. I started reading her blog a few years ago and now the blog has morphed into a whole website full of information about healing body image issues, overeating issues, and (ta-da) sugar addiction issues.  I hadn’t talked to Karly in a while, but she was on my mind A LOT one day and so I went over to her website to poke around.  Later that day, I check my inbox and whose email was waiting in my inbox? That’s right, Karly’s. I don’t know if she knew that I had been on the site, but to get an email from her was wonderful in a freaky kind of way ( I believe the term she used was “synchronicity”, a word that rolls off the tongue easily and also reminds me of The Police circa early 1980’s).  She has an e-book about sugar addiction that I think I’m going to check out, and actually she has a whole program set up for overcoming sugar addiction if you want to check it out here.  I think I need to seriously explore my relationship with sugar because something’s gotta give. Something in me is off-kilter and I need it fixed, and I have a sneaking suspicion that sugar is playing a big role in my off-kilter-ness.

And another run in with another blogger happened just this morning. Jenn left a comment on my last post and these words from her sparked a bit of an “aha” moment in me. She said

Every time in a place where things are rolling along so “even” I start to worry b/c I know the valley will inevitably come regardless if the mountain appears in the moment to never end. My hope is with time the valleys will be fewer and not as deep.

It was the last sentence that caught me. My all-or-nothing thinking has me believing that if  I’m not UP and EVEN all the time, then  I’m failing miserably. Leveling out the mountains and valleys I think is what I need to work on. I went over the Jenn’s blog and fell in love instantly. The name of her blog is Girl Heroes – how great is that?!?! Go over and check her out.  I think she might be MY new hero (and I don’t mean that in a creepy stalkerish way, I just mean that I think I could learn something from her).  🙂

So that’s where I am right now. Not great, but working on it, and hopefully I’ll get out of this funk when I can sleep in this weekend.  Thanks for putting up with me!  🙂