My big bouncy swingy hair was feeling a little frazzled, so I made an appointment with my fabulous hair stylist T. I really was going to get just a trim, but then I saw this cute picture of a hairstyle I liked (cue Jaws theme music). I showed the pic to T and she said “Oh yeah we can do that”. It all went downhill from there. I tried not to squirm as more and more of my hair hit the floor, but when she finished the cutting part, I was visibly unconvinced that this was going anywhere other than to hell in a hand basket. After much blow-drying, curling, spraying, teasing, brushing, and lots of poufing and de-poufing, T looked as defeated as my hair. It was not good. She even admitted that it was too short; she had cut too much off the back. I tried to console her, all the while thinking that I resembled my 68 year old aunt Helen. T gave me a considerable discount and I left the salon feeling less than hopeful about my new SHORT hairdo. Mind you, I have nothing against short hair, but for me, I feel my best with shoulder length swingy hair. I feel like my great hair takes away from the fact that my azz needs its own zip code. But now, I feel…exposed. I feel like my shield has been taken away and all that is left now is my big ol’ matronly body. I feel like a mini-van driving, mom-jeans wearing, den mother who is out of date without a clue as to the latest style. I desperately want the cool, fun, likeable person I am on the inside to be as such on the outside as well. This may sound shallow and stupid, considering all the serious and awful things going on in the world, but I can’t help it. I feel like my hair is the only thing I’ve going for me in the looks department and now it’s gone (insert pity party here). I know my hair will grow out with time (lots of time because my hair grows very slowly), but I’ve been trying so hard to just accept myself as I am and then I hit this huge speed bump. All I could think was “if I was 120 pounds this would be a cute haircut, but not on someone my size, with my double chin”. I hate that I kept thinking that if I wasn’t so fat, it wouldn’t be such a big deal. So if I am going to be honest with myself, it has nothing to do with my new haircut. It has everything to do with my weight and how I feel like it is the only thing that people will see when they look at me because my hair won’t be there to distract from it. And I am so much more than my weight. I just want other people to see that too. Truth be told, the hair doesn’t look that bad. My husband and the guys that I work with have said that it looks really good on me, so I guess it isn’t a total disaster ( none of my girls have seen the new ‘do yet, so I don’t have any female input as of yet). However, I will continue to mourn the loss of my bouncy swingy hair for at least the rest of the weekend, and maybe by Monday I will have a handle on it. Oh, and if you don’t mind, please send lots of fast hair growing vibes my way. And some powerful body accepting vibes would be much appreciated as well!
Big Bouncy Swingy
No I’m not talking about my derriere; I’m talking about my hair!! I am sick of straight hair – I want some curls! So I put away my flat iron and bought a new CURLING iron and went to work. I have big beautiful curly hair today!! I love curls, I think they are feminine and romantic and just plain ole pretty.
I can’t help it; I am a product of the ‘80’s where big hair was at its finest. Remember when Pretty Woman came out and everyone wanted Julia Roberts’ wild mane? Well, I had it. Yes, I was the envy of every girl on campus my first year of college in 1990. I loooooved my hair! But then somewhere along the way, someone thought that flat as a pancake (and just as boring) hair was better. Pshaw I said! However in the last few years as I have succumbed to mommy martyrdom, I saw great value in being able to just straighten my unruly locks and be ready to go in 5 minutes.
Well, no more! In my quest for better self care, I have decided that curls are something that makes me happy. It’s a small inconsequential thing, but every little bit helps, no?
So I am wearing great big curls of happiness on my head today and lovin every minute of it.
Don’t Mess With Mama Bear
Dear New Hire Employee,
I realize it is your first day of work here, and you may be a little too anxious to present your knowledge of all things in the universe, however I find it terribly inappropriate for you to criticize the benefits given to you by this company and also extremely stupid of you to pick a fight with the admin assistant (me) IN FRONT OF THE BOSS. Do you not realize that I can make your life a living hell here? Don’t you know that if you want something done, I am the person to make it happen? So even though I am extremely pissed off at you right now, ye of little social skills, I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt that in the future, you will be more careful about what you say and how you say it.
Take That Tone With Me Again And The Claws Will Come Out
I Feel Good, nanananananana, I knew that I would now…
Can’t think of anything awe-inspiring to write about today, so I’ll just post my little list of things that make me feel good…
- A nap
- Nice clothes
- Visits with my friends
- A good book
- A good movie
- Dates with my husband
- Nice jewelry
- Nice perfume
- New shoes
- Shopping at antique malls
- Decorating my house
- A good night’s sleep
- A clean house
- A creamy cup of coffee
Do you have a list? If not, I highly recommend making one. Have a good weekend everyone!
I asked myself a question last night. “If I knew that I would never lose another pound, and I would be this same size for the rest of my life, what would I do? How would I live my life differently?”
- Well, for starters, I would go buy a killer wardrobe consisting of good quality clothes that fit my body well. And of course I would have to have some gorgeous shoes to go with that fabulous wardrobe!
- In addition to that fabulous wardrobe, I would buy some pretty lingerie and stop hiding myself in oversize Elvis t-shirts and big baggy pajama pants.
- I would slather myself in exotic scented lotions and pamper my feet with at home pedicures (and maybe the professional pedicure once in a while).
- I would be happy to see someone I know at the store, and not be so concerned about what they must think of me or how I look.
- I would go to my high school reunion and be excited to see my old school chums, and not be embarrassed that I don’t weigh 115 pounds like I did in high school, because I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who has put on weight in the last 20 years. 🙂
- I would tell other women – my friends, my family, and total strangers that they are beautiful no matter their weight, simply because they are women, because as far as I’m concerned, women are the most beautiful creatures on earth.
So, what would you do differently?
To My Regional Manager,
If you are going to use my office after-hours, could you please refrain from eating, breathing, and sweating GARLIC??? I understand you love the stuff and so do I, however your overuse of the bulb has created an overpowering stench that I find difficult to work in. And fyi, Glade Apple Cinnamon air freshener does not cover up said garlic odor.
Passing Out From The Fumes
It Is What It Is
I’ve been trying to drown myself in good body-positive thoughts the last couple of days, and I find that I am happier for it. I am slowly coming to terms with this body that I am living in right now. Maybe it isn’t the disgusting, huge mountain of flesh I usually consider it to be. Maybe it’s actually the beautiful vessel that carries around a hilarious, smart, sassy woman that has lots of friends and a great family. There have been a few events and concepts that I have come across recently that have helped me move forward with my body acceptance:
- I was meeting with a couple of my girlfriends one day a few months ago and I was saying something unkind about how fat I have become, and Rachel said to me, “you are not overweight!”. And she meant it – really she is not one to tell you something just to pacify your need for a compliment, she really really does not see me as overweight! Now, I know that I am about 30 pounds overweight, but according to Rachel, I am just fine the way I am. God love her!
- A few days ago, I was on the treadmill, and I was working it – sweaty slicked back hair, sweaty shirt, sweat everywhere you can imagine. My husband walked by me while I was really into it, and I swear, he looked at me like I was the sexiest thing on earth! I couldn’t believe it. Could it be possible that he finds me attractive even without all the makeup and perfect hair and thinner body?
- This is related to the previous one, but if I was really as disgusting as I thought, would my husband still be after me 5 nights a week wanting to make some whoopee???
- This has been really helpful too in accepting that what we see in movies and magazines is not reality, but also that normal, everyday women are as beautiful as they want to be.
Whenever I look in the mirror and am tempted to bash my body for not being perfect, I have adopted this mantra: “It is what it is. This is my body today and there is nothing I do about the way it looks right now.” So I had better just get over it and move on. There are more important things to think about than the size of my thighs or the dimples in my behind. So for today, I am choosing to ignore those nasty hateful thoughts that want to keep me down, and I am embracing those thoughts that tell me I am beautiful, just the way I am today.
I am wearing long sleeves today and I couldn’t be happier about it! When I left for work this morning it was a crisp 54 degrees, and it was dark. I love love love that first cool day that lets us know that summer is over and fall is starting to fall into place. What is it about a change in weather that can change our moods? My frame of mind has shifted this morning for no other reason than the change in weather. I have visions of high school football games, hayrides, weenie roasts, and killer jackets and boots!! Oooooo, I love autumn! I love crunchy leaves, burgundy chrysanthemums, and the occasional Chai Latte. Oh, I know there will be a couple of days when Summer tries to claw her way back in, but for today, she is gone. I think I’ll take the kids to the park just to celebrate.
Hurts So Good
So, after my Chariots of Fire experience on the treadmill Saturday, on Sunday morning I noticed a dull ache in the area of my posterior. More specifically, the area where my behind meets my thighs. It was a strange sensation, and at first I didn’t know what it was. Then it dawned on me, OMG I HAVE MUSCLES DOWN THERE!!! You mean underneath all that flab, there are actual muscles????? Yes, it was the scream of muscles in rebellion to my strange new activity. So in response to this crazy new feeling, I couldn’t wait to get back on the treadmill yesterday. Why? Because I like the pain. Because I liked that I could feel muscle underneath the cottage cheese. Because it wasn’t pain in the sense of “Dang, I just poured lemon juice on my paper cut”, it was the kind of pain associated with working hard and accomplishing something – ya know, a good kind of pain. My hubby is a landscaper and irrigation contractor and a very physical guy. He basically digs ditches for a living, but he owns the company, so he is very proud of his work. I asked him one time why he chose this as a profession and he said it is because he likes feeling his muscles working. As I stated in an earlier post, I am built for comfort. But lately I am realizing that it feels good to move and be productive. Oh, I’ve worked out before and logged plenty of miles on the treadmill, but then, it was always in search of burned calories and shed pounds. Now, however, I am trying to focus on getting stronger and healthier. Since I’ve really tried to embrace this shift in thinking, getting on the treadmill doesn’t feel like a prison sentence, it actually feels liberating. And what’s funny is I can go a lot longer than I could before, when the prize was only a few calories burned. So I am going to ride this high for as long as I can and see where it takes me. And yes, my muscles are still rebelling against their perceived torture, but I told them to get used to it- this is going to be happening a lot from now on!
Let’s Get Physical
…And the clouds parted and was heard the sounds of thousands of angels singing….That’s how I felt this morning when I got off the treadmill. Yep, I did it. The couch potato moved. I told myself I would just do 5 minutes and if I wanted to stop after that, it was okay. So I did 5, then 10 and after each 5 minute increment, I asked myself, “how do you feel, can you go another 5 minutes?” And I did that for a total of 35 minutes. Yay me!!! I feel really good now. Maybe I’ll even do it again tomorrow. 🙂