Not as ready as I thought I was.

Hey there! So I always put off writing for one reason or another and then before I know it, a month has gone by. I have an actual list of blog topics but I guess I’m always waiting for a good time to sit down and write but that “good time” never seems to present itself. So today I’m just going to write even though there are other things I need to be doing but I need to get today’s topic off my chest. Today’s topic is brought to you by the fact that I’m getting older and my kids are getting older and they’re leaving the nest and I’m a tiny bit freaked out about all of it. Fun stuff!!

My tiny baby first-born son (who is a fully bearded, 200 pound 22 year old) is moving into his own apartment this week and even though I’ve been after him for a year to get out on his own, now that it’s finally happening, I’m not sure how I feel about it. Actually I do know how I feel about it – I’m nervous and scared and excited for him and anxious and all the other emotions too. I’m scared that I pushed him before he’s ready, I’m afraid  that he’ll be lonely, I’m nervous that he’ll sit in his apartment and stare at a screen 24/7. I’m hopeful, however, that he’ll love having his own space (and a bathroom that he doesn’t have to share with his sisters), I pray that he’ll figure out what he wants to do with his life and maybe go back to school, I want him to find a job and friends that he likes (but only the kind of friends that are good for him and aren’t secretly a cult), I want him to find a nice girl to date (actually never mind that one – he’s got plenty of time for that later…when he’s 30…ish.) I’ve gotten so spoiled by having all my kids still at home where I knew they were safe and well-fed and had someone to talk to every day. I hope he’ll be okay. I hope I’ll be okay.

Oh, and in 6 months my tiny baby second-born (who is 5’8″ and strong and will beat the ass of anyone who looks at her or any friend of hers crossways) is moving to college an hour away. At least she’ll be rooming with a friend and be in the dorms where other people can be there to tell her not to ignore her check engine light…so that gives me some comfort. She is going to love living on her own. I’m excited for her but I know I’ll be a mess the day she moves out.

That will leave my husband and I with our last tiny baby – our 13 year old daughter who is full of friend-drama and hormones – at least I’ve still got her for another 4.5 years, so that’s good. Unless she turns into a teenage she-devil, at which point I will move in with my son, but I’ve got my fingers crossed we can weather that storm.

For those of you who have kids that have moved out, any tips on making things easier? Or just tips in general for this transition? Because this stuff is hard!!

 

I put in “leaving the nest” in Amazon and this came up:

What??? I mean…what??? Why would you…????

Weird.

  One thought on “Not as ready as I thought I was.

  1. debby
    March 4, 2019 at 11:25 pm

    Well you know I have no advice for you. Except that it sounds like you are being encouraging to your children, unlike my mother who was MEAN when I finally decided to move out. In hindsight, I think she reacted that way because she was scared.

    • March 5, 2019 at 8:55 am

      That sounds entirely accurate. There have been plenty of times when I have responded with anger when what I was really feeling was fear. But I’m sorry she was mean to you – sometimes mamas just don’t know how to process the big emotions when it comes to their kids. ❤

  2. Bonnie
    March 5, 2019 at 8:42 am

    My youngest is now a junior in college. I didn’t struggle much her first year because I assumed I would have one more summer where she’d be home. I was wrong. When she cut the apron strings, she really meant business. She got two jobs, found an apartment and hasn’t been home for more than four days at a stretch since. This past year has been the worst. Not only is she almost three hours away but my son lives 326 miles away (but who’s counting?). He and his wife have my only grandchild, so it’s been hard having them so far away. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I have no advice, only sympathy. Still trying to find my way and figure out who I am now that I’m not needed as an active duty mom.

    • March 5, 2019 at 9:02 am

      Ugh! Bonnie that’s got to be so hard being so far away from them. Any chance you could move closer to your son? Let me know how you are doing with figuring out who you are outside of a mom – are you taking any classes or trying any new hobbies? Or reconnecting with friends? Keep me posted on how things are going!

  3. March 5, 2019 at 10:19 am

    Maybe that toilet seat is meant to distract you from being sad about having an empty nest? That is seriously the ONLY explanation I can think of for that result. I confess I had to Google “do peacocks build nests?” to determine if this picture is even accurate (I found out that the nest on this toilet seat is all wrong, they dig holes and then line them with leaves). Who says to themselves, “you know what would look awesome in my bathroom is a TOILET SEAT WITH PEACOCKS ON IT”?? It was also interesting that they specify that it’s waterproof. Does this mean that there are toilet seats that are NOT waterproof? That seems like very poor design.

    I have no advice, but I hope I made you laugh a little. Sending you lots and lots of love.

    • March 5, 2019 at 10:49 am

      These are the same thoughts I had!!! It’s just so odd. And yes, you did make me laugh, so thank you for that!! You are a doll. ❤

  4. March 5, 2019 at 11:24 am

    Hey! It’s funny I just wrote a post kind of from the opposite perspective from this one. I’m kind of where your oldest is right now only my parents aren’t as willing to let me fly the nest. You said that you’re worried you pushed him too early but trust me that’s so much more preferable to not pushing him at all. I’ve only just realised that my entire life has kept me in this safe little bubble and I’m now kind of struggling to escape it so you’re definitely doing the right thing I’m sure 🙂

    • March 5, 2019 at 3:36 pm

      Student, you have no idea how much I needed to hear this!! Thank you! I’m heading over to read your post now. ❤

  5. Vickie
    March 5, 2019 at 1:27 pm

    If you are a mom that cheers on all the firsts, then cheer. Which you will.

    If you are a mom that cries on all the firsts, then I would encourage you to take the time to cry. Have a ritual, have a closure moment, really cry and face it.

    If he is going to be within driving distance, and you are worried he will be a couch potato, I would suggest a weekly walking date. Just the two of you. Mall in winter, park or track when it is nice. Or gym date. Or something.

    I also think one has to talk to oldest boys about keeping in regular contact with their younger sibs. I had that long conversation ten years ago with my oldest. He has lived in four states in that ten years, none of them his home state. Out of state college, another state grad school, first job in another state, now second job in another state. and in all that time he has kept in great contact with both his sisters. The three of them + his girl just went to Puerto Rico for MLK long weekend and had fabulous time. Both his sisters have stayed with him, everywhere he has lived. They text and phone very regularly. All of this is them, not thru me. So important.

    And make sure he cleans up his room before he leaves. Goes thru EVERYTHING. He might leave things he wants, but be sure every single drawer and closet and cupboard has been sorted. Once they move out, it is hard to get this done. Plus it is a closure ritual.

    My kids leave enough home so they can just grab their electronics and their meds and come home. All three leave set of basic clothes and bathroom stuff home. They can get on a plane with just a backpack and come home easily. This helps a lot. Bathing suits, water shoes, tennis shoes, boots, warm weather and cold weather clothes all here.

    Oldest has two suit cases under the bed in his old room. Because he has flown home every time he comes, for many years, this is a big plus. These are things that might have just lived in the back of closets, but now uses at home. We did not go buy.

    My youngest is in college, five year program, out of state. She has clothes there at school and home. She can just come with a backpack too. She graduated from high school and then was not home again. Spain one summer. Summer school one summer. Coop out of state last summer.

    I have my middle one home right now. She lived in her college town from 2012-2018. Finished grad school last summer, traveled a lot for 6 mos. now working in our town (currently living at home) in her field, for a year or two. She is finishing boards and certifications. Then she will probably move out of state.

    We encourage education (for our kids, bs/ba and masters) and travel. Broader horizons.

    And our family guideline – before ANYONE thinks about getting married, or doing something that could make babies, they need to get a degree and work/live on their own for two full years and be age 25 or older. They do not have to be a doctor. They can be a certified auto guy (my nephew) and that is okay. But need some finished level of education.

    • March 5, 2019 at 3:43 pm

      The walking date is a great idea! He’s only moving a half hour from home, so he’ll be close enough I can see him every week (or more if he wants). And I completely agree about living on his own and being over 25, etc before thinking about marriage!!

  6. March 5, 2019 at 3:33 pm

    My kids have both been gone from the nest for a long time now and I still have no advice. It gets easier? It definitely changes the family dynamic. But this is what they’re supposed to be doing, hard as it is for us moms.

    • March 5, 2019 at 3:45 pm

      It is hard but I know it’s necessary. I definitely DO NOT WANT a 35 year old kid still living at home! 🙂

  7. March 15, 2019 at 7:44 pm

    Well my first born lives 8 minutes away in her apartment (but might be moving farther away in June, we’ll see) is in a similar boat as your son, in that I’m just hoping she figures out some direction in her life and meets someone nice. My baby is going to be going off to college if everything goes well this Fall, which means I’ll be an empty nester. When we were first approaching the eldest going off to college/moving out, I was sad. I worry about my son, a LOT… but I plan on running around the house naked and NOT having as many messes all over the place!

    So, I guess my advice is it’ll be hard at first, and then you’ll start planning the party! 😉

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