I had a bit of a detour on my road to a new healthy lifestyle, which is why I haven’t posted in a couple of weeks. The last 6 weeks have been busy, busy, busy with end of school year activities and sports wrapping up, and typically I am just counting down the days until school lets out and we can all relax (as are most people with school-age children). But this year felt different…I could feel myself drowning, but my mind kept saying “No, no, everything’s fine! Haha! I’m fine, everything’s fine!” Except I wasn’t fine. It’s as if I had a rubber band in the middle of my chest and with each passing week that rubber band got stretched a bit more, and a bit more, and a bit more, until it finally snapped. I was like Stretch Armstrong over here, except I didn’t go back to my regular shape.

Did you know they make tiny Stretch Armstrongs? I didn’t either, but now I want one. Get it here.

I have been feeling foggy, and irritable, and just so tired for awhile now. I thought I was sleeping really well at night but I never felt rested. A couple of weeks ago, I went into a drugstore to pick up some milk and in the 15 minutes I was there, I must have yawned a dozen times. I had zero motivation to do…well, anything really. I just wanted to sit on the couch and watch tv and not move and not think and not be bothered by the world. I was just so OVER IT.

I called my doctor and made an appointment to get my hormones checked because I just KNEW something wonky was happening inside me. At my appointment, I talked with the nurse who was so sympathetic because she had just recently gone through the same thing, so she suggested we deep-dive into my hormones and test everything, including my Vitamin D levels. After I talked with the nurse, my doctor (who I am very close to, who I’ve known my whole life, and who means the world to me) came into the room and with a sympathetic look said “Hi Sweetheart” and it was at that point that the dam burst and I cried myself into a puddle right there in his arms. He sat me down, took my hands in his, looked me right in the eye and said “Are you exhausted? Do you feel like you have no motivation? Do you feel maybe a little bit depressed?” to which I nodded yes on all counts, and he said “Don’t worry, we can take care of it”. I think just having someone look me in the eye and say “I hear you” is the most validating thing in the world.

I went back last week to get my results, and guess who is Normal Nelly on everything???? Seriously, everything was in the normal range: estrogen, testosterone, thyroid, ALL OF IT. The only thing in the “out of range” category was my cholesterol, which is 233, and which I already knew was a little high so no surprise there. My Vitamin D missed the inspection for some reason, so I had to redo that one and I should get those result this week. My doctor said that the only people who have normal Vit D levels are roofers and linemen – basically people who work outside all day every day.

My doctor’s prescription for me is to take a multivitamin, a Vit D supplement, and a low dose of antidepressant (temporarily). I balked at the antidepressant at first, but then I decided that I would at least try it for a little while to see if it really changed anything. Then he said we would work on fixing my neck/shoulder issue (I have a pinched nerve or something that has become a literal pain in my  neck), and then we can work on my weight. And I’m still working with Emily to find ways to keep me happy and sane.

I’m sharing this because I know there are others out there who are in denial about how they are feeling, like I was. I have a habit of trying to PollyAnna my way through things (“IT’S ALL FINE, REALLY!” *nervous laughter*), but the truth is, sometimes things aren’t fine, or they won’t be fine after xyz is finished, or when {insert sport} season is over, or when whatever situation has reached its end. I didn’t want to wait to feel better, I wanted to feel better now.

I’m so glad I talked to my doctor and Emily, because it feels good to get help, even if that help is just so that someone can say “I hear you and I will help you.”


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