My rubber band snapped

I had a bit of a detour on my road to a new healthy lifestyle, which is why I haven’t posted in a couple of weeks. The last 6 weeks have been busy, busy, busy with end of school year activities and sports wrapping up, and typically I am just counting down the days until school lets out and we can all relax (as are most people with school-age children). But this year felt different…I could feel myself drowning, but my mind kept saying “No, no, everything’s fine! Haha! I’m fine, everything’s fine!” Except I wasn’t fine. It’s as if I had a rubber band in the middle of my chest and with each passing week that rubber band got stretched a bit more, and a bit more, and a bit more, until it finally snapped. I was like Stretch Armstrong over here, except I didn’t go back to my regular shape.

Did you know they make tiny Stretch Armstrongs? I didn’t either, but now I want one. Get it here.

I have been feeling foggy, and irritable, and just so tired for awhile now. I thought I was sleeping really well at night but I never felt rested. A couple of weeks ago, I went into a drugstore to pick up some milk and in the 15 minutes I was there, I must have yawned a dozen times. I had zero motivation to do…well, anything really. I just wanted to sit on the couch and watch tv and not move and not think and not be bothered by the world. I was just so OVER IT.

I called my doctor and made an appointment to get my hormones checked because I just KNEW something wonky was happening inside me. At my appointment, I talked with the nurse who was so sympathetic because she had just recently gone through the same thing, so she suggested we deep-dive into my hormones and test everything, including my Vitamin D levels. After I talked with the nurse, my doctor (who I am very close to, who I’ve known my whole life, and who means the world to me) came into the room and with a sympathetic look said “Hi Sweetheart” and it was at that point that the dam burst and I cried myself into a puddle right there in his arms. He sat me down, took my hands in his, looked me right in the eye and said “Are you exhausted? Do you feel like you have no motivation? Do you feel maybe a little bit depressed?” to which I nodded yes on all counts, and he said “Don’t worry, we can take care of it”. I think just having someone look me in the eye and say “I hear you” is the most validating thing in the world.

I went back last week to get my results, and guess who is Normal Nelly on everything???? Seriously, everything was in the normal range: estrogen, testosterone, thyroid, ALL OF IT. The only thing in the “out of range” category was my cholesterol, which is 233, and which I already knew was a little high so no surprise there. My Vitamin D missed the inspection for some reason, so I had to redo that one and I should get those result this week. My doctor said that the only people who have normal Vit D levels are roofers and linemen – basically people who work outside all day every day.

My doctor’s prescription for me is to take a multivitamin, a Vit D supplement, and a low dose of antidepressant (temporarily). I balked at the antidepressant at first, but then I decided that I would at least try it for a little while to see if it really changed anything. Then he said we would work on fixing my neck/shoulder issue (I have a pinched nerve or something that has become a literal pain in my  neck), and then we can work on my weight. And I’m still working with Emily to find ways to keep me happy and sane.

I’m sharing this because I know there are others out there who are in denial about how they are feeling, like I was. I have a habit of trying to PollyAnna my way through things (“IT’S ALL FINE, REALLY!” *nervous laughter*), but the truth is, sometimes things aren’t fine, or they won’t be fine after xyz is finished, or when {insert sport} season is over, or when whatever situation has reached its end. I didn’t want to wait to feel better, I wanted to feel better now.

I’m so glad I talked to my doctor and Emily, because it feels good to get help, even if that help is just so that someone can say “I hear you and I will help you.”


*Amazon links are affiliate links. I get a small commission, but anything I link to is something that I personally recommend or am using myself or just really want.

7 thoughts on “My rubber band snapped

  1. I’m always happy when you post, but this one I was sorry to see. I was expecting to hear the thyroid was off but it’s good that it isn’t. I’ll tell you what: my firm belief is that nature didn’t intend people to work full time while raising children, shuttling them to sports, preparing meals held to an ever-loftier standard, stay up late under electric lights, and look good while doing it. Blah. I had about a year on a low dose of Wellbutrin which I found very helpful. It’s not a first line antidepressant but it’s not associated with weight gain and it’s good for the ADD-ish among us. Hang in there. Summer’s coming!

  2. I have done that exact thing myself – been sure there was something medically wrong, and that is why I was off, and blood tests were totally normal.

    It will be interesting to see how vitamins do. Like if you tell a difference gradually or instantly. (Absolutely we should all be on them. And both my girls take vitaminD supplements too.)

    Meds made a huge difference for me. Mine is anxiety related. Sleep is so much better. For years now. And the thing about regular good sleep is when it is bad, when something is wrong, I realize it.

    Very glad you have your therapist. Makes a huge difference, I agree. Very proactive.

    I agree about the working full time and full time life demands. It is too much. I realize it is what it is, but I have huge sympathy because it is a lot.

  3. Please don’t get on the antidepressants. My heart goes out to you, but I have seen some horrific outcomes including the suicide of a dear friend due to these (Zoloft), and Chris Cornell’s death this weekend brought it all back.

    On another note, not sure of your age, I am 52, but last year I was feeling down as well. Went to a new doctor and shared how I was feeling. You know what she asked me? “Do you feel like you might hurt yourself?” Really? I wanted to punch her. Glad you go a hug instead! lol

    Exercise is making a difference for me. I am doing a ten minute cardio workout in the morning before shower and walking around our neighborhood in the evening. That’s it. I’ve lost 15 lbs so far and my mood is 1000% better than before.

    Good luck to you.

  4. Do what you want/need to do to feel better and more energetic. Admitting that something is going on is the first step. Good for you. We are all behind you 100%!

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