Well, as is par for my course, after I wrote my last post about how I approach food I then went on to stuff my face at every meal for a week. I had a conversation with Emily about this and she asked, “so why the self-sabotage???” and I had to think for a few minutes before I finally came up with “because trusting my body feels foreign and weird and uncomfortable even though it also feels really good and exciting and right.” Even if change is good, change can still feel odd…like wearing your shoes on the wrong feet…until you do it often enough to feel normal. So I obviously have some more work to do on this, which is fine…I never expected it to be a linear thing. Zig Zag is more my style anyway.
This last weekend really did a trip on my mind & body. My youngest daughter, who just turned 12, had a birthday sleepover on Friday with 5 of her friends. Let me tell you, six middle school girls having a sleep over is a bad idea as it sounds, but let me also tell you why I thought we could pull this off: because individually, these girls are polite and well-behaved and I’ve seen them one on one with my daughter and they were great. However, I have since learned that when you get 6 of them together, all bets are off. There were tears and hurt feelings and arguments and even my daughter agreed that WE ARE NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN. I played it cool for the most part, but inside I was a nervous wreck. Then Saturday afternoon after the sleepover, we had to hustle to drop off the girls and make it to our friend’s high school graduation, then all of Sunday afternoon was spent at my middle daughter’s last club volleyball tournament of the season. It was a very busy weekend in which I don’t think I ate a decent meal at all – mostly it was just grazing and snacking and even though I tried to keep it as nutritious as possible, it was still really lacking. And I didn’t sleep well all weekend, which means that I still, on Tuesday, don’t feel like I have recovered. I took a long walk after work yesterday to help alleviate some of the stress I’m feeling, but it just seemed to make me even more tired.
Actually I have felt really tired for the last 2 or 3 weeks and just don’t feel like my normal self, so I have made an appointment with my doctor to have some blood work done. It could be my hormones, it could be allergies, it could be stress, it could a combination of everything…I don’t know; I just know that I need some help because I don’t feel good right now. Hopefully my doctor can help me get some answers and maybe get a plan going to help me feel better.
April and May are ridiculously busy months, but things should be winding down considerably after this week. This is the last week of school for all 3 of my kids (my youngest gets out next Tuesday, but there aren’t any activities planned for next week – thank goodness), and I am so ready for a break! I would really love to go away for a long weekend somewhere, but unfortunately there just isn’t any money in the budget for that right now. Maybe soon though.