Struggling this morning

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I’m having a rough morning.

Late last week a friend of my daughter’s, a 15-year-old girl, shot herself in the head. She lived until Sunday morning. Apparently, this wasn’t her first attempt. I can’t imagine being so young and being so tormented by your own demons that you would try again and again to end your own life. She was well-liked and had lots of friends, came from a good home, and the community is rallying around her family. My daughter is okay, she’s upset of course, and I’m going to keep an eye on her, but sadly, this isn’t the first time someone she knows from school has committed suicide.

Hug your kiddoes and tell them you love them, no matter what.

In addition to that, it was just a very busy weekend with not very much downtime. Lots of chauffeuring kids around and working on the house and trying to get caught up on laundry. I woke up last night at 3:00a.m.  – the room was too cold, my PJs were twisted, I had a headache, I couldn’t get my pillow right, my  neck was hurting – and it took me forever to go back to sleep, so of course today I woke up with the disposition of a cranky bear. And now that I’m in my quiet, empty office I’m fighting hard not to get caught up in all the emotion. I’d like to crawl under my desk and have a good cry, but with my luck, my boss would walk in mid-wail. So here I sit, writing to you guys instead, hoping it will soothe some of the rawness I’m feeling right now.

I did 4 meditations from the app I told you about a couple of weeks ago and it did help clear my mind a bit, but I think what I really need is just more sleep. But I can’t get that right now, so instead I’ll just sip my coffee and do a little work and hope that the ibuprofen I took earlier will ward off this headache.

I try to stay upbeat and positive, but sometimes a girl’s just gotta feel the sadness for awhile, ya know?

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5 thoughts on “Struggling this morning

  1. debby

    That is so very sad. Of course you need to feel the sadness.

    On a lighter note, the waking up cold, pm’s twisted, etc–I have done that exact same thing. So irritating. And the only beings I can be cranky with is the dogs!

  2. Hanka from Poland

    oh dear you have the right to feel sad, unhappy – that`s so normal in this circumstances. I hug you a lot via internet and via the ocean. I hope you stay out of the kitchen, maybe a walk with daughter? Will help you both to manage the situation? Have a good week despite all this

  3. This would be really hard to shake… hard to shake under any circumstances, but having a teen daughter of our own makes it that much closer to our hearts … especially when the “whys” can’t be readily answered.

    I don’t like feeling sadness… so easy to self-medicate with food, etc. … ugh. But the light will be that much brighter after being in and allowing the shadows.

    (hugs to you, my friend)

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