4/15/16 Friday

This has been kind of a cruddy week. I’ve been weepy and exhausted and I couldn’t really pinpoint exactly why. If I know what’s causing my angst, it’s much easier for me to regulate my emotions and basically calm the heck down about it. But this week, I just couldn’t put two and two together.

The running group I joined had been going really well until Tuesday – Tuesday was just a terrible run. I was tired to begin with, and I found out that homemade cheesecake, even if it is a small piece, is a terrible pre-run snack. On top of that, the group mentor decided we would change up our route and run next to a busy road and then into a neighborhood. The sidewalk was narrow and uneven and there were a lot of inclines. I pretty much spent the entire run having a temper tantrum in my head. It was not fun. Plus my knee was hurting (and has been hurting for several days)- yes, I have new shoes, so that’s not the problem – and my foot had gone numb about halfway through. It was just all around a big bucket of suck. I’m not used to being in pain, so hurting for several days has just worn me out.

My husband has been having work troubles lately, and things just keep getting more and more ridiculous. I’m happy to listen, but sometimes it brings me down too, so then we’re both bummed out and oh so pleasant to be around.

And there are the kids, who it seems always need money for something – the outflow of cash just never seems to end! I know they don’t understand, but sometimes I get really irritated when they tell me they need money for ONE MORE THING. Money worries are so hard because there is only so much you can control about it.

Also, I have just been exhausted all week. I didn’t have it in me to go run on Thursday and I didn’t even have it in me to sit through book club for two hours. I was just DONE. I went to bed at 9:00 last night (Thursday) – I didn’t even tell the family…just went in to my room and crawled under the covers. I just couldn’t deal with anything anymore.

So I’m telling Emily all of this in our session today and wondering WHY I have felt weepy and emotional and tired and she said, “Well Jill, you’ve had a BIG ENERGY week!” All of the exercise, and the pain from my knee, and my husband’s troubles, and my kids needs have produced some big energy that I just didn’t know what to do with. It was building and building and although I did get in a couple of self-care tasks, there was just more energy than I knew what to do with. So no wonder I was so exhausted and weepy!  I was carrying a big load all on my own, and shouldering all of these burdens –  a load that I don’t need to carry alone.

I’ve gotten so used to things swimming along that when they went a little wonky, I didn’t know what to do. And the “sharing the load” topic is one that Emily and I have talked about before, but it’s part of the cycle – this lesson will keep coming around so that I can recognize it more quickly each time and deal with it in a way that keeps me sane and happy and not wanting to eat my young.

I’m feeling better now and looking forward to unwinding this weekend. I’m going to schedule in a few naps, just in case. Because naps are awesome. Can I get an AMEN?