Can we just talk about sparkling water for a moment?

I mean…it’s just…

WHY????

It’s like Lucifer decided to have a board meeting with his evil minions and it went something like this:

Lucifer: So, hey thanks for coming (as if you had a choice), I have a great idea…let’s take some water…some nice, cool, refreshing water…

Minions: yeah…

L: And let’s add some natural fruit flavors…

M: yeah…

L: like cherries and limes and oranges and pineapple…

M: yeah…

L: AND THEN LET’S OVERCARBONATE THE CRAP OUT OF IT AND MAKE IT TASTE LIKE FRUITY SALTWATER!!!!!!

M: *applause and cheers* YEAH!!!!!

L: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *wrings hands maniacally* I’M SO EVIL I CAN’T EVEN STAND MYSELF!!!! 

I mean, really!! I know there’s no sodium in sparking water, so why does it taste like I swallowed the ocean?

And I know there are people out there who are absolutely nutters over sparkling water, but I just don’t understand those people. I’ve tried to like it, really I have, but it just tastes like disappointment to me. Fruity, salty, disappointment.

I don’t like it. And that’s okay. If you like it, that’s okay too, just don’t try to convince me that I should like it. Because I won’t.

I’ll stick to plain ol’ uncarbonated water thankyouverymuch. Because I like my water like I like my men: smooth and cool and un-carbonated.

🙂