Stupid Black & White Swimsuit

Happy Post Labor Day!! Who’s still exhausted from the weekend? *Raises hand*

I had a great weekend, but man…it seems like having fun wears me out and it takes a while to recover. But it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make. 🙂

So, an interesting situation happened on Saturday. The fam and I went out in the boat for a little joyride and we found a nice little cove that was perfect for swimming. So we’re out there swimming and chilling and being all relaxed when another boat pulls into the cove. Then another boat. And another. And another. Pretty soon there were 6 or 8 boats in our cove and it was obvious they had planned to gather there and have a little Labor Day Weekend party. Coincidentally, my husband knew some of these people so we decided to join them, which was fine…at first.

The group was made up of 30-something couples (married or dating) and there were a few little kids running around splashing and swimming. I noticed that several of the women were wearing bikinis…not tankinis…but itty bitty bikinis and they didn’t look awful in them. They all actually looked pretty darn good. Dammit.

Remember, I’m 44 and roughly 60 pounds overweight.


Wanna recipe for disaster? Here ya go:

How to Make Yourself Feel Like a Beached Whale in 4 Easy Steps

  1. Be 60 pounds overweight
  2. Wear a black and white one piece swimsuit similar to this:shamu
  3. Surround yourself with hot mamas who are 15 years younger than yourself
  4. Wait for Greenpeace to show up and haul your arse back into the water


My husband could tell that my mood had shifted, so when he came to check on me, I decided to tell him why. I rarely tell him when things like this bother me, but I decided to be honest about it and I said “all these women in bikinis are making me feel bad”, to which he said some very sweet things which I will keep private, but I felt much better after our little talk. I realized that for whatever reason, my husband really does only have eyes for me. ❤

Unfortunately, I didn’t practice having self compassion that day.  But I realize this is a process and it will get easier. Giving myself a break will get easier and believing that I am worthy NO MATTER WHAT will get easier too.

But I’m DEFINITELY getting a different swimsuit next year.


11 thoughts on “Stupid Black & White Swimsuit

  1. You’re such a funny girl! I see “perfect” girls at the gym pool, and I think its just a matter of age. First, there is no chance I could ever look like them. That takes a little pressure off. Then, there is the fact that I NEVER got to look like them. I feel a little bad about that. THEN, I think about how they probably spend a lot of time worrying about their imagined imperfections, and aren’t really enjoying their perfect bodies. And I almost feel bad for them. It’d be easier to feel bad for them if they’d COVER UP a little bit.

    Mostly I think its a matter of age. You’ll feel better in 20 years, Jilly. 🙂

  2. I like Debby’s perspective. Awesome. Oh, but I certainly relate to your post!!

    MyGirlTrunks also reduced image pressure (as well as chaffing, bikini-line annoyance, etc.) I was so grateful that a splurged for them. (I remember you helping me on that 🙂

  3. Oh ho can I relate. I haven’t looked good in a bathing suit in like 35 years, and even when I was fifteen, I was so self-conscious that I always wore shorts over my suit…I would like to go back in time and kick my own butt…I had no idea. I hate when I think I look half way decent in my suit, then get to the beach, and ouch. Oh well, I am doing this for my health, not looks:) And I’m sure you looked fine, and your husband sounds like a keeper. Mine likes me too:)


  4. Reminds me of last summer at our holiday resort, other (younger) mothers in tiny bikinis while I felt enormous. Nothing wrong with my cossie, just the body in it! Sigh. But I agree with debby that they probably don’t love their own bodies. I hear slender people complaining about their thighs or whatever all the time.

  5. Honey! I am way worse than 60 lbs overweight and it’s depressing. My husband is always so sweet about it too….honey you’re not fat, you’re plush! he says….and so on and so forth. But I do know I have to lose it. I’m older now and my knees freaking hurt. Here’s the deal. Have to eat less. I hate that, but I know it’s what I gotta do. Yes exercise IS important but the eating is a huge issue. So, here I go. We can commiserate. But remember, we are lucky to be married to our wonderful men. They really love US. Not just our bodies. We are so lucky because so many men are not like that. So….here’s to another year and practicing some healthful eating habits. We can all commiserate with each other and be helpful, but it should get done because our knees and feet need to feel better. We will be happier. The End. 🙂

  6. Wow! So we don’t have a boat, so to that degree I cannot quite relate. BUT I do totally understand about the bathing suit. I am 46. A year ago I weight 215 lbs (ish) and looked awful, just AWFUL in a bathing suit. It’s horribly embarrassing to be in a bathing suit when you’re overweight. Period. But then when you know you are doing something about it, there’s the light at the end of the tunnel that says, “Come on, this is temporary, you got this.” This year I’ve been wearing bikini tops (no bottoms thanks to the scars of childbirth). It’s a nice change and I feel good about myself in a bathing suit for the first time ever. Just keep at it. So glad your husband is supportive.

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