Shoes That Fit

I have to admit something. Since I quit dieting (and by dieting, I mean trying to lose weight through external forces as opposed to internal motivations) I feel happier than I have in a really, really long time. There are some really great things about all of the programs I have done, but I feel like typical dieting is just not for me. Counting calories, hyper-focusing on certain food groups, restricting and depriving myself of certain things…it feels like wearing shoes that are a size too small for me. I know those things work great for some people and if you are one of those people, then more power to you, but for me it feels uncomfortable and unnatural. I just can’t do it and I don’t want to do it and I won’t do it.

For the last month I’ve been focusing on emotional eating resources (blogs, podcasts, books) and I feel happier and better in my body than I have for YEARS. And I suddenly have so much more free space in my brain, if that makes sense. When I’m not super focused on LOSING WEIGHT, I have more room to entertain other thoughts – I feel like my brain just opened up and I realize there are so many other things in the world that can make me happy other than pursuing thinness. This feels so much better to me than losing two pounds.

And let me clarify – I’m talking about what feels good FOR ME. You might have a totally different experience and that’s okay. I have a friend who has counted calories for years – it just works for her. She doesn’t obsess over it or turn into the main focus of her life, it’s just something that’s become part of her life, so it works for her and that’s great! I have another friend who swears by low carb eating – she feels better when she’s eating low carb and to her I say brava! I still think the Selvera program is excellent. I know lots of people who have successfully done Weight Watchers and Overeaters Anonymous and they are happy, functioning members of society. So just because I say that I am happier taking a different approach, don’t take that to mean I think any other way is wrong…I’ve said for a long time that every one has to find their own way and I still believe that.

I think I have found my way and if it leads to a bunch of weight loss, well that’s fantastic, but I’m done obsessing about all the weight I haven’t lost. I’m replacing shame and guilt with confidence and optimism.  I will not wear shoes that are too small anymore.

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12 thoughts on “Shoes That Fit

  1. Sounds like a much healthier approach, but one that will also benefit from all the nutritional awareness you’ve gained from following prescribed diet plans. On any given day if your body says it wants a cream puff you can indulge in one and click into a more knowledge-based mode if your body then tells you it wants another (and another) cream puff.

  2. Hi Jill,

    It is a wonderful feeling when you finally find something that works for you and feels natural. I lost over 125 pounds with calorie counting and exercise. That worked great for me. However, keeping it off for the last 6 years was waaaaaay different. Keeping it off means developing a lot of self-compassion and resiliency with yourself.

    I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t have went back and changed any of my past dieting or calorie counting because if I did, I wouldn’t be where I am at today… so in a sense, I always recommend to my health coaching clients that they do calorie counting and food journaling for awhile so that they are very aware of they shitty foods they are eating and how it is affecting their ability to lose weight.

    Good job, lady!

  3. I have recently been TRYING to get the motivation to travel on the path that you seem to be on. I have been reading a few blogs here and there trying to find something that can INSPIRE me. I couldn’t agree more with your philosophy!! It sure isn’t easy though; I can’t even seem to get started!! I am so envious that you have been able to commandeer back your own brain!! I want that so badly. My obsessions about either eating food – or not eating food is horrifically BORING and SELFINDUDGENT!!! I want more in my life. Bravo!! Thanks for your honest accounts of both your struggles and your successes. I find it very helpful to read about your journey as I am standing on the edge of the pool gathering the courage to dive in myself!!!

  4. When you find something (hopefully a passion that involves motion) that replaces the passion for talking about, obsessing about and eating FOOD then, yeah you are on the right track. It’s all about (everything is all about)- motivational exchange!

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