First, in yesterday’s post I asked you guys if I should be a good mom and help my kids with their projects or should I go to Zumba? I finally decided to be a good mom and go to Zumba. 🙂  My son didn’t need help with his poster (he actually wanted to do it himself – believe me I tried to Beverly Goldberg my way into helping him, but he wasn’t having it) and we decided to work on the younger’s project over the weekend, so off to Zumba I went where I happily shook what my mama gave me. So thanks for your help on that one – I appreciate it!

Now, I’ve mentioned having some anxious thoughts about tonight’s Senior Night for my son (and the other high school seniors on the football team and in Band) and some of it is because we are all publicly acknowledging that our teeny babies are indeed, almost adults (pause for maternal crying and gnashing of teeth). But something else is lurking underneath these anxious feelings and I’ll tell you what it is:

About 4 years ago, my freshman son was playing in the band and they did Senior Night for that year’s seniors. As I watched all the parents escort their kids across the gym (for some reason the band did their Sr. Night during basketball season then), and knowing that everyone in the stands were watching them, it occurred to me that someday I would have to walk across that gym with my senior as well. It was then that I realized I needed to get serious about this weight-loss thing. I remember thinking to myself “you have 4 years to get this excess weight off if you don’t want to be embarrassed walking across that gym”. It sounded easy enough: lose ten pounds each year and I’d be at goal! Easy peasy, right?! Apparently, not so easy.

Wanna hear something crazy?? I am almost exactly the same weight today as I was 4 years ago (186.8 today vs.185.0 in November four years ago). I’m sure that means something, but I’m not sure what.

Instead of losing weight, I went up, up, up the scale to as close to 200 pounds as I could get before beginning the slow climb back down this year.

So to see this night finally arrive knowing that I didn’t achieve that goal I set for myself 4 years ago is…well…sort of disappointing. :/

Don’t get me wrong, I am super proud of working so hard for the last 10 months and losing the 12 pounds that I have lost so far and I am making so much progress on my habits and my thought processes. I fully realize that I could very well weigh a whole lot more right now if I hadn’t done all that work. So, I get that. But knowing this marker has come and gone…it’s just sort of something I have to work through.

I’m actually not worried about how I will look tonight. Tonight is not about me. It’s about celebrating my son. And really, so what if I didn’t reach my goal? It’s not like this is the first time I’ve never met a goal! LOL! See? I’m working through it already. 🙂

So tonight my husband and I will escort our son across the field, during which I will say something funny to my son and we will both crack up under nervous pressure and my husband will look at us like we are crazy (this is very typical). It’s going to be a good night.