I can’t even put into words what I’ve been feeling this week. I’ve started and deleted this sentence 8 times already, but if I don’t get it out somehow, I’ll crumble into a sobbing mess soon.
Monday and Tuesday were busy with kids’ activities and errands, overshadowed by Robin Williams’ death and that of Lauren Bacall. Her death made me sad, but differently than RW’s. I finally had to stop reading everything about him and turn on the 80s Lovesongs station on Pandora just so I could stop thinking for awhile and get some work done yesterday (nothing like reliving your teenage years through song to get you out of a slump!). I am so sad about his death but I’m really thankful for the dialogue that it has started regarding mental health. It’s so important to let people know that it’s absolutely okay to ask for help, get help, take medication, go to therapy…whatever it is they need to do to feel better. And everyone deserves to feel better. Everyone.
Today my kids started school again, and it’s also the beginning of my son’s senior year in high school. This morning I took his LAST first-day-of-school picture and it was all I could do to not burst into tears right then (but I already had my make up on and was ready to leave for work). It’s all going by way too fast – and if I think about it too much I’ll burst into tears (but I can’t because I’m at work and I have no extra makeup with me). I know this year is going to be difficult for my son because of a heavy course load and lots of band activities, and my oldest daughter is in 8th grade, which, you know…girl drama. I hope I can help her navigate that minefield. My youngest is in 4th grade – she’ll coast through it, I have no doubt, but I hope her needs don’t get overshadowed by the needs of the older two. I’m already worried about how to handle everything.
What I’m saying is, I really need to have a big, gushing, soul-cleansing cry but I have neither the time nor the space in which to do it.
In a cruel joke, as if the above things weren’t enough to make me sad on their own, Mother Nature decide this week would be perfect for starting my cycle. Because I NEED to be extra sad and weepy and cranky and tired and sad. Thanks Mother Nature – you suck. How about you grab some salt and rub it into my wounds while you’re at it?
Delightful, is what I am this week. And such a joy to be around! Oh, I’ll be fine in a few days, but today I’m just trying to process everything and writing is how I do that.
Curious, how do you guys deal with sadness/bad news/hard times? Crying is a good release for me, but it’s hard when I feel like I can’t do it, so writing it out is sometimes a good substitute. What do you do to release difficult emotions?