Events and Circumstances

Ever since Homecoming weekend, I’ve been thinking about regret and how I don’t want to experience it like that ever again. I have several significant and some not-so-significant events coming up in the next few weeks, months, and years and I would like to be prepared for them by losing the weight now so I can hopefully avoid that shameful feeling of “why didn’t I get my weight under control sooner??” I will not be caught like that again. 

So here is a list of events that will be guilt-inducing if I don’t start the weight-loss train moving ASAP.

Starting in 2014 (I figure there’s not much I can do about the rest of 2013 – I can’t healthfully lose enough weight in 2 months to make a visible difference – trust me, I know my body and it ain’t happening. That doesn’t mean I won’t be working on it for the rest of the year though.) : 

• My birthday, in March. If I have to face another birthday being less than happy with myself, I’m going to throw a tantrum like I’m 3 instead of 43.
• The high school’s 5k run is usually right around my birthday. This has more to do with being fit enough to run as opposed to looking good. I didn’t run it last year and I missed it. If I start training now, I should be good to go come March. Although with my plantar’s fasciitis acting up the way it has been, I may be walking it instead of running, but either way, I’ll be in that race.
• Easter – we always take a casual family picture of all of us dressed up in our Sunday Best. And I always manage to wrangle my kids to stand in front of me in order to hide my broad body. For once, I’d like to feel as pretty as a spring day in one of those photos. 
• Summer vacation – does this one even need an explanation??? We’re talking swimsuits here, people. Ugh. 
• I just realized that my 25th high school reunion will be next year (if we even have one – not certain that we will but better to be prepared for it). 
• My wedding anniversary – I wistfully look at the picture of my husband and I on our wedding day and long for those collarbones. I would love to spend an anniversary where I don’t feel bad that my husband has a chubby wife. (Even though I will readily admit that I am a fabulous wife in many other ways)
• The new school year – August feels more like the New Year for me than January, and I’m always disappointed that I can’t start the new school year being a thin and fit mom in shiny new shoes with my school box ready to go. 
• Parent/Teacher conferences – I don’t know why, but I’m always acutely aware of my weight when I go to these things. 
• My son will be a Senior next year (did I really just type those words? Waaah!!) which means Senior Night at basketball homecoming. This requires that each Senior be walked across the gym floor by his/her parents to be recognized. I realize that all the attention will be on my son, but I don’t want a thousand pairs of eyes staring at my butt, especially my big butt. I already dread this walk. 
• In 2016 will be our 20th wedding anniversary and we are talking about Hawaii. HAWAII. For us, that’s a trip of a lifetime and I refuse to be riddled with guilt and shame and regret as I suck down pina coladas that will hopefully be served by a tanned and toned cabana boy. 
• There are other situations that inevitably come up throughout the year like meeting a friend’s beautiful new girlfriend, or running into old friends, or even just shopping that can produce anxiety and guilt for me. I want to be ready when these things happen. 

I already have a theme for 2014. Can you guess what it is? NO MORE REGRETS. That’s it. That’s the goal I’m working toward – I don’t want to regret anything because of my weight. No more regretting that I’m too tired to go play outside with my kids. No more regretting that I can’t find a suitable outfit for date night with the hubs. No more regretting that I didn’t train for that 5k race. No more regretting that I ate my weight in candy after Halloween (ahem). NO MORE. 

I’m done. Sooooo done. 

Anyone with me on this?