I went. I conquered. I’m exhausted.

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So I went to Homecoming. I went and I sucked it up and tried to forget that I am no longer 22 years old with a world of possibilities open to me. I tried to forget that I am now 42 and have obligations and responsibilities and lots of other things that demand my attention. I re-experienced things that I haven’t experienced for 20 years and what I learned was this: 

Good gravy, I am out of shape. 

I lived just a few blocks from the pizza place where I worked and thought that making that little trek from my old apartment to the restaurant would be no big deal. 

Holy Aching Feet Batman, that walk was a lot shorter 20 years ago!! 

I think I walked more on Friday and Saturday than I have walked all year! My Fitbit read over 8000 steps on Friday and over 12,000 on Saturday. That’s a lot of walking for me!! It was a lot of fun tripping down memory lane though. 

So how did I do emotionally? Well, I put on my game-face and just tried to enjoy the people I was with, which I did, but honestly, I felt like a cow the whole time. We stayed with a friend of my husband’s and the friend’s girlfriend spent a lot of time with us. She is really sweet and funny and very nice – I really like her a lot. She’s also very thin and very beautiful and I felt like a troll next to her. So that was fun. And then my bff that I got to see, well she’s always been a bit of a fashionista. Her hair and makeup are usually flawless and her clothes are always cute and classic. Next to those two, I felt like that plastic bag that Katy Perry talks about in her Firework song. I felt disheveled and matronly and thanks to my overzealous use of conditioner, my hair was behaving in insane and ridiculous ways. I tried not to think about how…inadequate I felt, but it hovered near the surface all weekend. I didn’t let it ruin my good time, but I’ll admit it I had to work extra hard to keep the feelings under wrap. 

So yes I’m glad that I went and got to spend time with old friends and new friends. I’m done with regret though – I refuse to have another opportunity like this where I don’t feel great about myself, and if that means I have to work hard on my brain as well as my body, then that’s what I’m going to do.

No more regret. I’m done. 

 

 

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10 thoughts on “I went. I conquered. I’m exhausted.

  1. I just read on another blog something like “Don’t compare your behind the scenes footage with other people’s highlight reel!” For all you know they thought you were relaxed and gorgeous and together and worried you were judging them for focusing on trivial things like fashion and being skinny enough. Or envying you your settled happy family life. Everyone shows their best face and worries other people will see the reality behind it.

  2. Kyra

    Remember that you have a TON going for you. Oooooodles of good stuff. The wrapper is just the wrapper, and maybe theirs was shinier, but that doesn’t mean you’re inadequate. *hugs* I think you’re fabulous!

  3. debby

    I’m glad you went. So was the pizza as good as you remembered? I hope so! And yeah, what Kyra said. I bet some of those people wished they were as funny and intelligent as you are! And maybe SOME of them wished they were married to a great guy with three wonderful kids. Just saying…

  4. Everyone has regrets at some point in their life and moments when it seems that the opportunities to really accomplish something are over. The solution to that is to set exciting goals to aim at and not take NO for an answer!

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