So you may have noticed I was MIA last week. I just need to take a little time and get my head together. Oh and get over a particularly nasty stomach bug. Blech. I’m feeling much better now though, thankfully.
My last post – the “she’s stuck between…” image that I posted – didn’t really convey exactly where I was. I didn’t look at that quote as a bad thing or in a negative light; in fact it was very hopeful to me. I wasn’t actually stuck; I was in a state of knowing that things were going to be different. Instead of the word “stuck” I think I was actually just pausing and saying goodbye to where I had been before moving forward to where I am going. I can’t be the person I used to be – I’m not 20 or 30 or even 39 anymore, so what worked for me then doesn’t work for me now – and I haven’t quite entered into the person I want to be yet, so for several days I mulled over what I needed to do, what I needed to let go, and which direction I wanted to take. I don’t for one minute believe that I have it all figured out, but at least I know which way I need to be headed.
Like I said, I was down with a stomach virus all of last weekend and the first half of last week, which was actually a blessing in disguise because as a result of eating nothing for 3 days, I got the chance to reset some eating habits. I’ve cut way down on the sugar and the processed foods and have been eating as cleanly as I can. That’s not to say I’m 100% clean, but maybe 70%, which let’s face it, is a freaking miracle for me. I’ve always heard of the benefits of eating clean – more energy, better skin, better sleep – but you know what goes along with better sleep? Better waking!! For the last 6 days, I have woken up before my alarm and it was almost easy for me to get out of bed. Let me say that again so you can fully grasp the depth of meaning here…
GETTING UP IN THE MORNING HAS NOT BEEN THE EMOTIONALLY DRAINING AND PAINFULLY TORTUROUS ACTIVITY IT ALWAYS WAS.
This is huge people. It is worth it to me to skip the ice cream (and any other junk) if it means I will wake up feeling rested and ready to go. Usually I wait until the very last possible minute to make myself get out of bed, but lately I wake up and stretch and actually have a couple of minutes to become conscious and think about my day before the alarm rings. This is such a great feeling; I can’t even really describe accurately how it makes me feel. Almost…dare I say it? Adult-like?
As far as my weigh ins are concerned, before the stomach bug got me, my head was in a very confused bad place and I ate my way up to 194.2 (that was 5/11/13’s weight) – then the bug hit just a few hours after my weigh in and I ate little more than dry toast and 7 up for 3 days. When I started feeling better, I adjusted my eating so that I was eating lots of veggies/fruit/lean proteins and my weight at Saturday’s meeting was back down to 190.4. I know it was a bunch of water weight that I lost, but I was afraid that I would go right back up to 194 and that hasn’t happened. I’m keeping a watchful eye on my points and being judicious about how I spend them. I hope to have another loss this weekend on the scale.
In my quest to rid myself of sugar, I discovered a few packets of Truvia in the dark recesses of my pantry and I also bought a box of Stevia when I shopped on Saturday. I have decided that Stevia (and its name brand twin Truvia) tastes awful. Awful awful awful! The aftertaste is just too chemical-y and bitter to me. I’d rather lick a tire than have to consume it on a regular basis. I may have to give up coffee because I need a little sweet stuff in my morning java (along with half & half) and drinking it without sugar is just not worth the effort. I don’t know what I’m going to do about that yet. I so look forward to coffee first thing in the morning! I had hoped that I could hang on to the coffee a little while at least, but…I don’t know.
So that’s where I am right now. In a good, happy place where I have to continually say NO. NO NO NO NO NO NO when I see tempting treats or when I want to go down the easy (read: boxed) road at dinner time. I’m happy to do it though if it means I can reap the benefits of feeling healthy and sane. 🙂