I didn’t go to weigh in last Saturday because a) my daughter was under the weather and b) I knew I had a gain. Cowardly? For sure. But I just couldn’t deal with seeing the number go up again, so I ignored it. We’ve been fighting allergies in my household the last couple of weeks and frankly, I’m worn out. For me, allergy attacks are only mildly annoying, but they also bring with it a slight case of depression. Every time. I just feel tired and sad and just…well…blah. Which ultimately doesn’t help my weight loss at all of course because I just want to eat tortilla chips and watch tv. 

I’m also fighting a case of bad body image right now. In my office, there is a huge plate glass window that at certain times of the day reflects like a mirror, and when I pass in front of this mirror and see my reflection, this is what I’m reminded of: 

Lord knows I love Phyllis, but I feel like I’m too young to look like this. And yet this is what I see every time I pass by the window or look in the mirror. I see overweight, matronly, and past-her-prime. It’s not helping my weight-loss efforts at all. 

I could attribute this to my allergy depression too, but that would be an excuse. I see myself like this all the time and have for a long time. As long as I stay at this weight, this is who I see, and I know it’s going to take losing at least 30 pounds before I can see myself differently. I also know that it’s probably going to take me a year or more to lose 30 pounds,  so I suppose I can look forward to seeing myself this way for a while. Yay. 

And lest you think I’m being particularly hard on myself, here’s a picture I took about 30 seconds ago. You can’t deny the similarities:



It’s rainy and gray outside and my hair is being ridiculous today. Of course. Enjoy this picture while it lasts because it may not stay up for long. 

*sigh* So that’s where I am today. I’m tired, I’m sniffly, and I look like the burned-out, overweight secretary that I am. 

I hope you have enjoyed my pity party today. Please don’t forget to grab your goody bag on the way out – it’s filled with disappointment and regret and tortilla chips. 

*and just to add to the festivities, I just inadvertently created an issue here at work with my boss because I have 3 weeks’ worth of filing on my desk, which I intended to take care of today, but as usual, I’m a day late and a dollar short. Story of my life. :/



16 thoughts on “*sigh*

  1. Girl, you need a change. Go get highlights (summer’s coming, go blondish), go buy a top that makes you feel young, wild and free, borrow your daughter’s crazy earrings and wear them to work…anything to make you feel as young as you look, because really – you do not look like Phyllis (love her!), not at all.

    Also? It won’t take you a year to lost 30 pounds. I bet, if you laser focused on it, you’d knock them off in 5 or 6 months. Just a thought…

  2. I didn’t go to weigh-in last week either because I didn’t want see a gain (nothing like living in the Boston area to make you stress eat in the last week). I keep telling myself I will go every week regardless, but I just couldn’t do it and I am so mad at myself (this is someone who re-gained 25 lbs while 1/2-assing the WW At Work).

  3. If Liz Lemon gained 40 pounds, SHE’D look like Phyllis. (poor phyllis) When we are moving around, smiling, interacting, we don’t look like our mug shots or driver’s licenses. You are attractive!

    I hate having days like this, too. But, you are funnier at it.

    I gained 2 pounds and feel bleah even though when I was at that weight on my way down I felt lighter. Which reminds me, I haven’t been reminding myself to drink water for several weeks.


  4. Mmmm. Tortilla chips. I am realizing that tortilla chips have become a trigger food for me! When did that happen? Anyway, what can I say? Cheer up. Eat carrots. Ditch the mirrors. Oh, and look at the crazy video ads that they put on your blog! Today’s is a video of a lifeguard that looks like a young David Hasselhof!

  5. Girl, you do not look like Phyllis, although you did a good immitation of her smirk. did you see last week’s episode (or week before? I’m behind on my DVR watching) when she was listening to 50 Shades of Grey at her desk, and Dwight dumped a bucket of water on her to cool her off? classic. I actually finally started reading the books. Love them! The sex is fun but it’s the love story and Christian Grey’s character development that I adore. (The heroine, Ana, can be quite insipid….I just put up with her for Christian’s sake, haha.)

    ditto what everyone else said.

    usually after a cathartic post like this, we usually get back on track. I have no doubt your next post will be about how fabulously you are doing. buck up, buttercup! you’ve got it within you to rock this. big hugs.

  6. Aloha Beautiful Jill!
    ” I know it’s going to take losing at least 30 pounds before I can see myself differently. I also know that it’s probably going to take me a year or more to lose 30 pounds, so I suppose I can look forward to seeing myself this way for a while. Yay.”
    Slow down sister your sliding too fast down that worm hole today!
    The way things really work is that you see yourself differently FIRST then the change happens…seriously.
    Stay with me, I could be considered by some as “overweight, matronly, and past-her-prime” and I would not trade places with the skinny, motherly, youthful me of days gone by, what I have is a body that breezed through menopause without drugs or discomfort and that men find attractive ;), yes I dress less and less trendy as the years go by yet enjoy the freedom of being comfortable 🙂 and wise, as far as “prime” goes I cannot explain the joy of having children that are adults and friends, knowing work can be play and no longer having to spend my spare time and weekends cleaning house 😉 I’ll take past prime any day…..because I did what you are doing now and I know the difficulty of each and every day carrying so much for so many…my point (yes there is one in here somewhere) I think you need to be EASIER on your self. TODAY.
    BE…DO…HAVE. Always been that always will be! You got some great advice above about ways to help yourself feel (BE) better….go for it.
    While you are at it make a list of what you can BE on the days that come full of grey and rain (they continue too). “Today I can BE…….” (yes fake it a little to get the juices flowing.)
    Next thing yo know you are DOing things that support that BEing and geesh next thing you know you like the reflection on the window (no matter what you weigh!)
    Lovin’ your wit and willingness from the land of Aloha!
    Hugs, Gina

  7. Even if you’re not feeling the best about your reflection try to think about the positives that make you a fantastic gal! Just so ya know, you look great to me. Do something today that will help you reach your goal and then be proud knowing that you will get there sooner than later.

  8. It sounds like you need some extra rest and TLC. It’s hard to lose weight when your body is fatigued from trying to fight off allergies. Ask me how I know. Try to be compassionate and to yourself. Get some extra rest, soak in a hot bath, or watch something funny. I hope you feel better soon.

  9. There’s no way you look like her. You are so young, Jill, and it shows! Weight is a big thing to us, I know, but we’re so much more than our weight, and I know for a FACT that you are freakin’ AMAZING.

  10. I think people place too much importance on looks. You have so much going for you,
    the way you inspire people with your well written, funny blog. I can associate with you.
    Here’s to eating healthfully (don’t forget the odd piece of chocolate) and getting some well needed R&R.

  11. If you are planning your diet and trainings, check out this blog: militarygradenutritionals.com/blog. For me it’s an excellent source of information on fitness and right nutrition. I’ve learned there a lot of things which helped me organize my trainings and eating habits.

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