I didn’t go to weigh in last Saturday because a) my daughter was under the weather and b) I knew I had a gain. Cowardly? For sure. But I just couldn’t deal with seeing the number go up again, so I ignored it. We’ve been fighting allergies in my household the last couple of weeks and frankly, I’m worn out. For me, allergy attacks are only mildly annoying, but they also bring with it a slight case of depression. Every time. I just feel tired and sad and just…well…blah. Which ultimately doesn’t help my weight loss at all of course because I just want to eat tortilla chips and watch tv. 

I’m also fighting a case of bad body image right now. In my office, there is a huge plate glass window that at certain times of the day reflects like a mirror, and when I pass in front of this mirror and see my reflection, this is what I’m reminded of: 

Lord knows I love Phyllis, but I feel like I’m too young to look like this. And yet this is what I see every time I pass by the window or look in the mirror. I see overweight, matronly, and past-her-prime. It’s not helping my weight-loss efforts at all. 

I could attribute this to my allergy depression too, but that would be an excuse. I see myself like this all the time and have for a long time. As long as I stay at this weight, this is who I see, and I know it’s going to take losing at least 30 pounds before I can see myself differently. I also know that it’s probably going to take me a year or more to lose 30 pounds,  so I suppose I can look forward to seeing myself this way for a while. Yay. 

And lest you think I’m being particularly hard on myself, here’s a picture I took about 30 seconds ago. You can’t deny the similarities:

Image

 

It’s rainy and gray outside and my hair is being ridiculous today. Of course. Enjoy this picture while it lasts because it may not stay up for long. 

*sigh* So that’s where I am today. I’m tired, I’m sniffly, and I look like the burned-out, overweight secretary that I am. 

I hope you have enjoyed my pity party today. Please don’t forget to grab your goody bag on the way out – it’s filled with disappointment and regret and tortilla chips. 

*and just to add to the festivities, I just inadvertently created an issue here at work with my boss because I have 3 weeks’ worth of filing on my desk, which I intended to take care of today, but as usual, I’m a day late and a dollar short. Story of my life. :/