Hey let’s talk about my hormone issues because we never talk about that.

This afternoon I’ll go to my Lady Doc appointment so I can talk to her about some options for dealing with my crazy moods. She’ll probably want to test my hormones, at least that’s what I’m going to ask her to do. I hope she can give me some viable options – I’m not going to ask for medication, but I will consider it if she thinks it could help.

I have a conundrum…I know that cleaning up my food would probably help my moods immensely, but it feels like I can’t tackle the food problem until I get my moods evened out. Make sense? It’s another version of the chicken and the egg dilemma: I need to eat better so I can balance out my hormones, but I don’t feel like I can eat better until I get my hormones balanced out. And I don’t feel like that’s a cop out either – the thought of eliminating sugar and processed foods feels so monumentally heavy, like walking through mud, that I just don’t think I have it in me to deal with that right now, even though I know it would help if I did.

This is what it’s like to live inside my head, folks. Like the spin cycle on a washing machine.

Last night Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer came on TV and I thought we would all sit down and watch it together. One by one, all 3 of my kids disappeared into different areas of the house until I was watching it alone (even the hubs slipped out of the house to do something different). At first I couldn’t believe that no one wanted to watch it, then I got sad, then I got mad. I was mad that no one wanted watch this classic Christmas show with me.

Let that sink in for a second:  I was mad that no one wanted to watch a cartoon that we have all seen a bajillion times already (and that we have on dvd so we can actually watch it anytime). MAD. What is wrong with me?!?

I slunk around the house for about an hour being pissy until my 7 year old was telling me about her day and said she laughed so hard at school that snot came out of her nose. Normally I am grossed out by snot stories, but she said it in such a serious voice that I couldn’t help laughing. I laughed in spite of my bad mood, and then I was fine.

This up and down stuff is wearing me out. I hope I can get some relief soon. Are you sick sick sick of me talking about this stuff yet? Sorry, but I have a feeling I’ll be talking more about this in the coming days. Feel free to skip my little blog for the next couple of weeks, but just know that if you do decide to stop reading me, you’ll make the angels cry. But it’s totally up to you. No pressure.

On the bright side, I made more granola last night and I am way more excited about that than I should be. It’s the little things that get me through the day, people. Don’t judge.

I’m outta here. Later!







11 thoughts on “Hey let’s talk about my hormone issues because we never talk about that.

  1. I don’t think it’s only the food. I think you have a complex recipe going on for mood swings, and you’re on the right track to getting the tools you need. 🙂 Just make sure to beat your team over the head with how important this is, and not make light of it (because that’s what my reflex is to do when faced with these people. I don’t want anything to be wrong with me or my choices, even if they are wrong.) *hugs*

    Sorry about Rudolph! On the otherhand, that noise they use for his nose is obnoxious, so…

  2. The first time I saw my therapist, my primary complaint was my weight. I had gotten back up to 185 pounds and was depressed & beside myself. She was very gentle with me–said she saw a well-dressed, pulled together woman and not an obese cow (she didn’t call me a cow, but it’s how I felt). She told me that if I worked out the stuff on the inside (my head, my heart), that my weight would take care of itself. It has taken me almost 2 years (and lots of therapy and accupuncture and figuring out the right medications and finding the right support group in OA) to get back to where I am now. But it all started with that first session.

    Of course if feels monumental to give up the sugar. It’s part of what’s holding you together. Eventually, as you work through these very important physical and emotional issues, you will find that you won’t need the food for comfort or support or as a companion. You will have other tools to fulfill your needs that food is currently filling.

    I could be completely off base & projecting my issues onto you, but from the outside, here’s what I think about your reaction to the Rudolph episode. It wasn’t about them not watching a Christmas classic with you. It was about you feeling abandoned by your family. They all left you, one by one, sitting alone on the sofa. And because we are who we are–fragile, emotional, hormonal–we take those things personally and feel them very deeply. I’m sure your family had no idea how important it was to you to just be together–kids & husbands have their own agendas, have their own emotional issues, have their own needs to be alone or distract themselves in ways that don’t involve us. It’s very hard to get past taking everything personally–that is one of my biggest flaws. So I get it, I really do.

    You’re doing the right thing going to your doctors. The answer is not in a new diet or new workout. The answer is inside you. It’s a very good thing that you have asked for help to get through the layers of pain, hormones, sadness, anger, regret, resentment, helplessness and hopelessness, so that you can find that place where the answers lie.

    And PLEASE keep writing. Please do not give a flying fig about what people reading your blog think. This blog is NOT for us. It is for YOU. Use it as a tool. It will help you in your recovery.

    Big hugs, Jill. I’m here for you. xoxoxo

  3. Awww, that is so sad about no one watching Rudolph with you. I get it on their side and I get it on yours. Still, its sad.

    I am anxious to hear what you learn, although I guess you won’t learn everything in one visit.

  4. Homemade granola solves every problem – mood swings, anxiety, war…well, we can hope, right? 😉 Seriously, I totally get your granola giddiness. 🙂

    Good luck with the lady doc today. I’m interested in hearing what she has to say so by all means, please keep writing about this.

  5. Dear Jill, I will read your blog for sure and you can write about moods as much as you want or need to. I really hope everything will be fine soon, with me as well…

  6. Here is how the Rudolph type situations work at my house – if I go in the bathroom and shut the door then they all come flocking to find me. It is amazing how often that happens. Like get in the tub and they all come trooping in, one by one.

  7. When I cleaned up my food, all the symptoms that I thought were hormonal went away. Night sweats, acne, sleep (got better, still have spells), mid line fat, etc. Not saying yours will, but it does not hurt. I did not clean up my food to get rid of the symptoms. I cleaned up my food to get rid of the fat and got a bonus.

    Lottery thinking (magic pill) is a common place we all start. It can paralyze.

    You do not have to clean up all your food on the first day. You do not need to jump a cliff or reach the summit of the mountain immediately. Just figure out one little thing and work on it. Then keep doing that and work on the next little thing. Then keep doing those two and work on the third thing. It does not have to be all or nothing. You just start where you are and move forward steadily. It is AMAZING how that forward momentum makes one feel. Everything starts to feel better.

  8. “…feels so monumentally heavy, like walking through mud, that I just don’t think I have it in me to deal with that right now, even though I know it would help if I did.” — Perfect description! Yes, the-chicken-and-the-egg thing gets me, too. I liked what Vickie said about it not being all or nothing. I have to remind myself of that because, for me, it feels like it has to be all-or-nothing. If there’s some (less-than-ideal food choices), then that triggers more. I’m not good at balancing.

    And, no — not sick of you blogging about this. For me, knowing that someone else is experiencing the same stuff helps me feel less isolated (It’s not just me!).

  9. You don’t know me from Adam, but I have been reading your blog for a while now. I have just read (and am now re-reading “Intuitive Eating” by Tribole & Resch and it is changing my life. I have had an eating disorder for 29 years and this is honestly the first thing that has given me some real hope. Just thought I would share.


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