I caved. I weighed myself a few days ago. On a completely unrelated note, guess who gained 4 pounds in the last month or so?
I was having a very low day and I suppose I felt the need to punish myself because I knew the number on the scale would not be a kind one. And I was right. Ugh. Back to the drawing board.
Speaking of low days, I’ve been having quite a few lately. Remember my last post (2 weeks ago) and how happy and positive and I GOT THIS I sounded? Yeah, well the last few days have been the flip side of that. I feel like the bottom of a dumpster right now and I think most of it is too much sugar and too many hormones (or too few hormones, I have no idea). I got some results back from a health screening I did recently and I was surprised to learn that it sounds like I have mild depression (based on the questions I answered for the screening). The thing is, I don’t feel bad all of the time. I actually only feel bad half the time – usually right before and during my Special Lady Time. Right after my SLT, I feel great. I love working out and I love eating healthy and all is right with the world. Before and during, however, it’s like I’m Madame Bovary over here. Woe is me! I’m overweight and I have nothing to wear! Pity me and my unfortunate situation!!
Seriously, I’m to the point where I think I either need a) a good hormone-balancing drug, b) professional mental help, or c) a vacation to the tropics. Maybe a combination of all three?I’m not looking forward to Thanksgiving, I’m not looking forward to Christmas shopping, I’m not looking forward to much these days. This has been a pretty busy and trying last few months and I think I have just had it. I need time to rest, but when I do rest I feel lazy and unproductive, which in turn makes me feel guilty and bad about myself. So I begrudgingly make myself do stuff – not fun stuff, mind you, stuff like laundry and cleaning the tile in the shower and grocery shopping.
And this my friends, is why I haven’t been blogging much lately because how many people want to come here and read about my pity party? Zero people, that’s how many.
Who wants to wager that the next time I blog I’ll be all Mary Sunshine? It’s the up and down of my moods that is killing me – I think it’s also why I have such a hard time being consistent with weight loss. I’m up long enough to get started, then I come crashing back down and undo all of the good I have done. So frustrating!!
Okay, thanks for coming to my pity party today, I’d say it was fun, but I think we all know it wasn’t.
I can’t even think of a good ending for this post.
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Nope, still got nothin’.
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Nada.
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*sigh*
Is the spacing weird on this post? I don’t know why it’s doing that. Sheesh.
Yes, it is a little more spacious than usual.
But c’mon. You had to get a laugh out of that ending. You are such a great writer.
Thanks. I did get a little chuckle out of myself. 🙂
Okay, I think I fixed the spacing issue. That was really bothering me (I might need to add OCD to my list of woes).
I could have written this post! Girrrrrl! I am so with you on this one. Wow. It’s like looking in a mirror… Sorta… Without an actual reflection… Or mirror.
You were on my mind strongly yesterday. I thought, ohh, we haven’t heard from her in a while. No one has heard from me in a while. That’s cuz I’m hiding out. Hmm. I wonder if she’s hiding out (or having a rough time, too).
Are you doing your water thing? I keep forgetting to drink. Let’s do the water thing tomorrow: drink and pee, drink and pee. Maybe hydrating will lift our spirits enough to take the next step (other than towards the bathroom).
Love ya, girlfriend!
I think you are so right, Gina – I haven’t been doing the water thing very well lately. Okay, you’re on – today shall be known as Drinking and Peeing Day!! xoxoxo
It sucks that your SLT does such a number on you. I like all three of your suggested cures – and while I’m not one to automatically take a pill (ok, unless it’s Motrin…THAT I take without a second thought), if there IS something out there that could lessen the extreme lows that these hormones bring about, it might be worth it.
Semi new follower here. I couldn’t agree more with this post, I feel the exact way!!! I saw your tweet about the Fitbit One, I did contact them but haven’t heard anything back. how about you?
Hi Kelly! I haven’t heard anything either. (sad face) I really want one though, so I might even just buy it for myself, but getting one to review would be so much more awesome. 🙂
My parents bought me one for Christmas now I’m trying to talk them into letting me use it before then. 🙂 Good luck and keep your head up!
Dear Jill, maybe it`s just slight Autumn depression? I`ve got lots of energy to do stuff and I want to share this with you:-) Kisses from Poland, EU
Yes Hanka, please send as much energy as you can spare!! Wow, all the way from Poland – that’s cool!! 🙂
I`m your Polish reader Jill:-) big hugs to you:-)))
*hugs* You know where I am at! *hugs hugs hugs*
Girl I have been there sooo many times in my life. I could be there again in a heartbeat. I think the only way to attack this kind of thing is with an arsenal of tools. No ONE thing fixes this.
And medication is a valid, respectable option. You just have to find a good psychiatrist to help get you on the right stuff. And be your own advocate. I researched the heck out of medications and suggested what I thought might work for me, and to pdoc worked with me.
Hang in there & keep writing. Random complaining no-end blogs are just fine. Get it in the open & you can release it. Big hugs.