All over the place

My thoughts are zigzagging this week which is why I haven’t posted. I can’t get a clear theme in mind, so I’ma just dump it all out and see if you can make anything of it.  Good luck with that.

The holiday weekend (and the 2 days since) kicked my tail. I admit I went on a kind of Last Supper-type binge  that has lasted 3 days. You know that saying “you can’t eat junk food if you don’t bring it into your house”? Well conversely, you can’t eat healthy food if you don’t bring it into your house, either. It’s hard to pack a salad for lunch when you don’t have any salad greens. And it’s hard to eat an apple with peanut butter if you don’t have any apples. The point is, I need to get my arse to the grocery store and stock up. I feel like I’m banging my head against a brick wall trying to play the “what’s healthier” game – a ham sandwich on white bread or an ice cream sandwich? Is it any wonder my weight is back up to 187 today? Lesson Learned: go to the damn grocery store already!!

I’ve been following Kindle’s Ease into 5k program, which is great for treadmill running, but I’m getting into the longer continuous runs now and I don’t like it. I don’t want to run for 26 minutes straight without a walk break. It makes me dread the upcoming runs and makes me want to NOT do them at all. And since I’m such a slow runner, I never seem to get in more than 2 miles anyway during the allotted time and I want to know that I can run 3 miles without puking or dying. SO…I’m going to finish my training my own way: run 10 minutes, walk 2 minutes, repeat until 3.1 miles is completed. That’s my plan for the next 3 weeks until The Color Run. I’m getting really excited about running it, I think it’s going to be F-U-N fun!

Here’s the part where I zigzag: I find myself vacillating between committing to my weight loss goals once and for all or chucking the whole idea entirely and not worrying about it anymore. On the one hand, I’ve got a lot of really helpful tools I can use to help me get to my goal weight, but a bunch of shiny new tools are useless if you never open the stupid tool box and put them to use. Using these tools takes time and patience to form the habit of using them – a lot of mental energy and focus is needed to do this. I could do it, I just need to COMMIT to doing it. On the other hand, why am I trying to lose weight anyway? I’m running and going to Zumba again, my husband still loves me, I’ve got an excellent life…why again is losing weight so important to me? So I can look good in a pair of jeans? Is that really where I want my time and energy to go? To attaining the perfect butt? Sometimes in the grand scheme of things, this whole weight loss thing just seems so trivial (to me). But on the other hand, I realize that just because I don’t have health issues NOW doesn’t mean I won’t get them in the future if I don’t lose weight now. But on the other hand (yes I have four hands, it comes in handy (ha!) with 3 kids), I feel like if I am focused on weight loss, I’m not focusing on other more important things like volunteering for some worthy cause. Why can’t I do both? Have you met me? I do not multitask well. I have burned many dinners because I decided I needed to pay bills (or something else) whilst cooking. So what’s a perimenopausal girl to do? I don’t know. Seriously, I DON’T KNOW. Tell me, Oh Wise Readers, how I should live my life!  😉

Speaking of being perimenopausal (good gravy that is a long word to type out), I picked up a package of Estroven Plus Mood & Memory at the store the other day. It’s basically a mulitvitamin with some black cohosh and ginkgo biloba thrown in. I’ve been taking them for about 10 days now and I can definitely tell a difference. I’m 4 days away from my Lady Time and I have very few PMS symptoms right now. No tenderness in my ta-tas, no wildly swinging emotions, I haven’t felt the need to punch anyone in the throat…I just feel really EVEN. It’s a good feeling. Strange, but good.  Let’s hope this feeling lasts. Forever.

Okay, so that’s it for now. It’s almost my lunch hour and I’m going to head to the local grocery store and pick up a premade salad and some fruit for lunch. Then after work today, I’ll do a real grocery shop and get plenty of healthy stuff and you all won’t have to hear me bitch and whine about not having anything healthy to eat. Sounds good to me! 🙂



18 thoughts on “All over the place

  1. While it’s great that the Ease into 5K program got you running, I also LOVE that you confident enough to make running work for you to go the distance…the nice thing is that despite all the blogs and book and magazines, there are no rules when it comes to running. Because after all, you are the one putting in time on your feet! The color run sounds fun…I might do one if they have it nearby.

    And on the losing weight thing – well, I’m the one who tossed my scale quite a while ago, so probably not the best person to help you with that. All I can say is that I do eat a pretty healthy diet most of the time, I have some splurges, and I still fit into my clothes. Enough for me. I hope you can find YOUR enough. 🙂

  2. Multiple current health issues and a couple more around the corner have motivated me more than trying to fit into a certain size jean.

    Thanks for the info on the supplements. I may look into that.

    1. See that’s kinda what I’m afraid of Gina – I don’t have any health issues NOW, but who’s to say I won’t in 3, 6 or 12 months? I’m sure this extra weight can’t be good for me, even if my bloodwork is good.

  3. You know this is just due to your Lady Time and as soon as you start you will feel completely different and want to recommit to your weight loss goals and exercise regimen. This too shall pass and its OK to vaccilate…one day at a time. Try not to make so many proclomations. What can you do RIGHT NOW or TODAY to be healther. Don’t worry about the big scheme of things. Its honestly too overwhelming. I feel I could BE you…same feelings 24/7.

  4. I need to try that multivitamin you mentioned. My doctor just told me I’m perimenopausal – and a bunch of other crap, which scared the life out of me the other day.

    I realized that what I’m doing is serious business. If I don’t lose weight now, I won’t have to worry about my future health. I won’t have to worry about anything except where I’m buried. That’s when I realized I don’t give a flip about looking good. I just want to LIVE. Don’t wait until your body is in crisis. Focus on health, happiness, love. Don’t worry about your clothes looking good. LIVE right now. Love your life, your family, yourself.

    Now, I’m off to the grocery store, too!

    1. Perimenopause – it’s a whole new level of fun!! My favorite game is “Look for the new chin hair”!! Good times, good times.

  5. I’m kinda of new to your blog — I think we have similar personalities, and food/diet stlyles. It’s such a balancing act, isn’t it? I spend an enormous amount of mental energy on my weight, body, health, how does my but look in these jeans, and sometimes get grouchy with my family because I’m mad at myself — for what I’ve eaten and what I can’t fit into. I’m not sure what the answer is, but thanks for sharing your journey!

    1. Oooh Barbara – this is me too : “sometimes get grouchy with my family because I’m mad at myself”. It is a balancing act and some days I wonder if I will EVER get it balanced!! Thanks for reading!

  6. You made me LOL with your comment about the feeling lasting forever. Good luck with that. And if it happens, send some of that stuff to me!

    So I’m for you trying to quit trying to lose weight (I say it that way cause invariably we take it back and want to lose again.) And I think you should just try keeping the house stocked with healthy choices. I know you can’t get rid of all the junk cause you have other people there. But you can choose to always have good food there, right? Hey, do you guys shop at Costco? I saw some prepared salads there the other day that looked fantastic.

    1. We don’t have Costco here, unfortunately. We have Sam’s, but it’s a bit of a drive and not really convenient. I did finally make it to the store last night and loaded up on produce, so it’s better now. Yay for salad greens!!

  7. I’ve been having this whole issue too — when I focus on my weight that is all I can think about and what am I trying to lose weight for anyway? What it is about my lovely life I am trying to change? But I feel so much better having lost some weight that I think it is important. I’m not trying to be Australia’s Next Top Model (apart from everything else, I would need metre-long leg extensions surgically implanted), but I am much happier and healthier at a weight a bit lower than I am now that it is worth striving for.

    1. I think that’s where I’m at too Natalie – I feel like I look better at a lower weight, which inevitably makes me feel better.

  8. Just think about how much better you could do whatever work for a worthy cause if you are fit and healthy. Yes, it takes a lot of time and commitment, but it is better for you and the people around you. I don’t know if you have the same problem, but I have a serious one with my energy levels. I am just ALWAYS tired. I could sleep 12 hours straight and still be tired. I am blaming my weight (I hope it really is the reason, because the doctors haven’t found one). How much cool stuff could I do on weekends if I didn’t sleep half of it… *sigh*

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