Today is the funeral for the mother of one of my coworkers. Everyone in the office is going except for me. I thought that one or two others wouldn’t be going, but I just found out that they all are going (there are 5). One of my other coworkers feels very strongly about going – it’s almost mandatory according to him – and I think everyone else is going just because he has made such a thing about it, but I feel that sending a sympathy card is appropriate enough. Also, I’m not so good with funerals and having my coworkers see me do the ugly cry (let’s face it, all my cries are ugly cries) would kill any professionalism I have managed to assemble.
And also…the coworker whose mother died? Is the coworker who told me a couple of years ago that he had feelings for me and implied that he would be willing to cheat on his wife with me. This freaked me out so much and affected my work in such a way that I went on a 2 year binge and gained 40 pounds.
Part of me feels like I should just suck it up and be an adult and go to the funeral, but then there’s another part of me that feels like I don’t want to be anywhere near this guy. Even now, I avoid him at all times unless it is absolutely necessary that I speak to him. So being in a situation where I have to offer sympathy to him and his wife and kids feels strange and awkward and not something I want to deal with.
I will send a sympathy card, and I feel that is appropriate enough. I don’t think I owe him any more than that, and I believe I also owe it to myself to stand up to the peer pressure of attending a funeral that I do not want to attend.
So what would you all do? Put all the junk behind you and go the funeral “out of respect” for the coworker (this is what the other coworker said was his reason for going), or would you do what feels right for you, even if it is the opposite of what everyone else is doing?