So after work yesterday I went to get my prescription for my rosacea-not-lupus skin cream filled. While walking around the drug store waiting for the pharmacist to do his thang, I wondered how much it would cost – I figured around $25, but then I thought no, it would probably be expensive just because everything is so expensive these days. When I heard my  name called, I walked up to the counter and the pharm tech slid the package across to me, pointed to the price and said in a lowish voice “were you aware of this?”  I looked at the price and I swear my eyes did that cartoon thing where they bug out several inches from my face and I think I made a weird noise as well.

$176.24 

!!!!!!!

I’m pretty sure I said “ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS?!?” (this seems to be my go-to phrase lately). He just shook his head and very sympathetically said, “no, I’m sorry but that’s the price. It’s actually higher than that, but your insurance paid a little on it already.”  I’m sure I stood there for a full five minutes ranting (not at the pharm tech guy – I realize he had no control over how much it cost) but ranting, nonetheless and he said (again very sympathetically) “you know you don’t have to take it. You can always call your doctor and see if there is another option.” I even said, “yeah I’ll do that because paying that price is just crazy!”. I stood there for a few more minutes (no one was behind me in line, don’t worry) and then for some reason I said “you know what let’s go ahead and do this”. He said “Are you sure?” and I said “yes”.

I don’t know why I did, but I did.

We have a health savings account that we thankfully, have not had to use very much, and that’s one of the reasons I went ahead and got it. The money was there, but still I think it’s just crazy to charge that much for face cream. I had asked the pharm tech why it was so much and he said it’s a new drug, there is no generic for it, and when new drugs come out they are always pretty expensive. Darn you pharmaceutical companies!!! *shaking fist in air*

I think I was seriously shell shocked. I walked out of the drug store with instant buyers remorse. Then the negative thoughts started and it was ugly: “I am so stupid for paying that much. I’m so stupid for not pushing that package back across the counter and saying ‘No, I refuse to pay that.’ I am so stupid for being so impulsive and not giving it a day to think about it. Why do I always have to learn these lessons the hard way? Why did I just do that? Why didn’t I just use the the teensy sample she gave me before I plunked down $200 for something that might not work? Why am I so stupid????”

These thoughts played in my mind over and over for the next half hour, until I finally told myself “I have got to stop with these thoughts. What’s done is done and beating myself up is not going to make the situation better.” I decided to counter my negative thoughts with more positive, less hurtful ones:

  • I’m not stupid, what’s stupid is charging that much for medication in the first place
  • It’s stupid that my doctor didn’t warn me about the price (although I wonder if she had any idea it was that much either)
  • It’s stupid that my doctor didn’t just give me several samples and THEN given me the scrip when I go back in 6 weeks
  • I’m not stupid.

I had to do this for another half hour to bring my blood pressure back down and then when I got home, of course I stampeded to my computer where I looked up the medicine and found some good reviews and also found that it not only reduces the appearance of rosacea, but it helps lighten dark spots on the face as well (I have a few really dark spots – the sun damage my derm was talking about) and if it really does lighten these spots, then the cost will be (almost) worth it.

I decided to spill my anxiety onto my husband because talking to him about things always seems to make me feel better, so when I told him the whole spiel, he just sort of shrugged and said “everything is more expensive than it should be nowadays. If it works, it will be worth it though, right?”  He’s not as freaky (read: cheap) as I am about money, so to him paying big bucks  for something you need is not a big deal. Somehow his calmness made me feel better about the whole thing and I relaxed and decided to just let it go.

So I am going to keep the face cream and start using it , but I damn well better come out with a whole new face when I finish this tube. If I don’t look 20 years old in 12 weeks, I’ma shank somebody (I’m looking at you big pharmaceutical company).