I’ve had this post in mind for a couple of weeks but just haven’t made the time to sit down and write it. For nearly 15 years I’ve been bouncing back and forth like a pinball in the machine looking for the “right” diet to help me with this weight problem. I’ve tried so many things, some with great but not lasting success, and most with little to no success at all. When I finally decided that no diet is ever going to help me because IT’S NOT ABOUT THE FOOD, I started searching for non-food answers.  As I mentioned in this post, I’ve been looking at binge eating disorder programs and have found a couple that I feel are a good fit for me. I’m in the middle of one course now and will probably start another one very soon. If I feel that I need more help than the online courses can give me, I’m going to go a step further and either get a personal coach or start seeing a therapist.

I cannot tell you how relieving it is to have finally zeroed in on a course of action. To feel in my gut that this is the right direction is a very calming feeling – getting out of the pinball machine feels great. Manipulating my food has always felt wrong to me – like my intuition was screaming at me “NO NO!! This is the wrong direction!! We need to go a different way!!”, but BED treatment feels right. The course I am taking now focuses a lot on self-esteem, positive talk, and visualization – something that I originally scoffed at, but I actually feel like it’s helping, so I’m going to suspend judgement for now. I’m purposely not mentioning the websites for the courses because I want to see how well I do with them before I recommend them to you all.

I fully intend to clean up my eating sooner rather than later, but FOR NOW, the focus is on my behaviors around food instead of the food itself. One of the things that has helped quite a bit is limiting myself to eating 4 meals a day and eating ONLY at meal time. At first I was sort of afraid to do this, but honestly there is freedom in having limits. I didn’t understand that for a long time, but I’m starting to appreciate it. One positive side effect of this limit is that since I’m only eating at meal time, I’m eating less sugar overall.  If I want something sweet, I have it with my lunch and I’m good for the day.  I added in the 4th meal in the late afternoon since I go to lunch early and then don’t eat dinner for approx 7 hours later, so I find a small meal between 2-4 works great.

All of this works great during the week, but the weekends are still a challenge. Yesterday was especially challenging, what with all the Easter candy laying about. I did exactly what I didn’t want to do which was eat all afternoon long, but I got up this morning and worked out and felt great. I’m also drinking lots of water to hopefully flush out all the bad stuff.

Speaking of exercise, I’ve been running about 3 days per week, but I feel like I need to do more. I had intended to add some strength training to the schedule but was having a hard time figuring out what to do – the Wii Fit takes too long between exercises and I’m not very good at just banging out some push ups and crunches on my own. I’ve been thinking about taking a yoga class again at the rec center in the evenings, but then I had the brilliant idea that I could pop in a yoga dvd on the mornings that I don’t run and I could knock out the strength training AND get some stretching in at the same time. My goal this week is to follow that schedule. I’ll let you know how it goes. Again, zeroing in on a plan feels good to me – I don’t do well with too many choices, it seems.

I am done with floundering around hoping for Mr. Right Diet to come along. He’s not out there and never will be. I believe I have everything I need to overcome my food issues, it’s just going to take time and patience and EFFORT to bring it to fruition.