I guess you could say I’ve been in a bit of funk since my birthday/5k. The post-race blues, the time change, allergies, the weather, PMS and host of other things has made me one tired, cranky wench who would rather run away and hide than try to deal with anything. It’s not been good y’all.

I was thisclose to joining Weight Watchers (again, le sigh) when I said to myself, “it’s not about the food, Jill, it’s never about the food”. So if it isn’t about the food, and a diet isn’t the answer, what is? I am sick of carrying this weight around. I’m sick of the behaviors that led to this weight. I’m so tired of wallowing in the muck – I just want to start making some progress SOMEWHERE, which led me to Google Binge Eating Disorder. I’m reading a lot about it and  I don’t know for certain if this is what I have, but I think I may have a mild form of it. One of the many ways to cope with BED is to stop the negative thoughts that play in our minds – I thought I had this one licked. I don’t say things like “you fat pig” or “you’re worthless” to myself, however I realize that I say things like:

  • Yeah whatever, like you’ll really be able to stick with that eating plan.
  • Yeah eating ONE cookie has always worked for you in the past.
  • Sure wearing a longer shirt will help – NO ONE will know you’re fat if you cover it up!
  • Oh yeah, go ahead and get a gym membership, that’s a great way to throw away your money.

The voice in my head isn’t just negative, it’s SARCASTIC. Oh great – not only do I get negativity, I get a snarky, acerbic dialogue going on in my head all the time and defeating this voice is probably going the hardest thing I have to do. And I don’t know if I have the energy to do it.

I haven’t been running much and when I do run, it’s half-hearted at best. I just can’t seem to kick it back into high gear lately. The fact that it has been gray and rainy for the last 3 days isn’t helping things either. Maybe when the weather clears up, so will my mood.

So that’s the reason for my lack of posts lately. I’ll climb out of this pit eventually, but until then I just gotta ride out this wave of gloom. And the first person who busts out with “The Sun Will Come Out…Tomorrow!!”  gets smacked with a dead fish. Heed my warning!