So close, soooooo close

We are so close to being finished with the Great Remodel of 2012.  I now have my kitchen back, and hopefully today we can move the washer and dryer out of the dining area and back into the laundry room! Hooray!!

I intended to take a pic, but ran out of time this morning (plus I forgot), but trust me when I say never has a floor been more glorious!! Oh it’s beautiful – not a shred of linoleum  in sight!!

The shower is still a little ways from being finished, but let me tell you, it’s going to be awesome when it’s completed. We decided to make a few little changes to the bathroom to accomodate the new shower (glass door, smaller cabinets) so that will delay the completion a little bit, but shouldn’t be too lengthy. I’m so excited I could squee! SQUEEEEE!!!!! 

So let’s talk about the thing I’ve NOT talked about…food. Oh good gravy you would think all the food in the world was going to disappear at the end of the month with the way I’ve been eating lately. It hasn’t been pretty. It’s almost like I’m on a quest to see just how much food I can stuff in my pie-hole in a day.  I’ve been tracking my calories on Calorie Count, and my word! Each day is more ridiculous than the one before.

I know what I need to do. But when that Cheeto craving hits, it’s like fighting a bear to try and overcome it. And of course the salty craving has to be balanced out by something sweet right? So then there I am rummaging through the pantry looking for cookies or anything that is 100% sugar. And it goes on like this every single day. I start out okay, but by the afternoon and when I get home it’s all over. I dive into the first salty-sweet-fat treat I can find. And then I go looking for its friends.

I’ve been here before. I’m no stranger to this feeling. One does not get all the way up to 185 pounds without a little practice, you know. I just have to get my head in the right place – do a little planning, do a little grocery shopping, do a little exercising. But man, it does not feel good to be in the middle of the hurricane right now. It does not feel good to know that I am abusing my body – the words “metabolic syndrome” kept running through my head last night as I was noshing. I know it’s not good, what I’m doing, but it’s so hard to stop the train once it gets going.

Maybe once all the remodeling gets finished, I’ll be in a better place mentally. But what about next time? What happens next time there’s a semi-stressful situation that I have to deal with?   Am I always going to turn to food to soothe the raw edges?

Anyway, I just felt the need to confess my dietary sins and let you all know that I am not avoiding the food issue. Well okay, I AM avoiding it, but I’m trying not to is what I’m saying. Without trying to sound melodramatic, I will probably always be fighting this battle. I just want to fight it at a lower weight.


4 thoughts on “So close, soooooo close

  1. Ooh, last sentence — brilliant!

    Remember when I did that book, Do You Use Food to Cope? and then I figured out at least partly why I overate, esp. in response to anxiety? Well, ever since then I’ve said “I’m anxious” more than I ever have in my life, like maybe I didn’t know I was anxious before? But the other thing is, I’ve noticed that I don’t automatically want to eat when I’m anxious. So maybe some change is possible?

    Man, you are a lucky duck–that seems like a pretty short time for a major redo. Of course it seems shorter when we’re not in the middle of it, right?

  2. We can read and read and read and know so much about weight loss that we could write our own book. I’ve been nonstop, too. We know better than that, and we can do better than that. But when sugar is around, logic disappears. Mindful eating? Intuitive eating? Huh? Wha-wha-what? D’jya say something? (num num num)

    But at least you are eating in a kitchen with a prettier floor!

  3. I’m with you, totally. Today it was butter cookies (balanced with a few chips.) I’d been good all week until now, and what I know I have to do in these circumstances is have my mini-meals planned out and just FORCE the issue of eating them… because once I do? It’s like my brain turns back on, whereas one single bite of the no-no and my head spins off like a bad scene from the exorcist.

    To be fair, when you eat something like a cookie, the chemistry in your brain literally changes. You want more, you’re hard-wired that way. So, like I said, I just have to force the issue of drinking my protein shake or eating that healthy dish right away, instead of saying “Well, yeah…. but I could eat 5 of those butter cookies for the same calories… I’ll stop, I trust me…” yeah, right.

    That’s my mini-war. I’m working on it. I’ve gained a lot since we started ripping the house up in October (or really since the deck went in this summer.) I do NOT handle stress well or appropriately. I have not found my good coping skill. I can run, and box, and eat healthy, and sing, and dance, and take a hot bath, and none of it kills the unbelievable need to eat when I’m in a situation like that. Blah.

    But in the end, you have to take action to eat the junk. It’s a choice that required physical commitment on your part, and follow through. So, it would be easier to literally take NO action at all. I’m working on that. 😉

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