I am doing something.

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Yesterday was Monday all day long. You know, it was one of those days – I woke up late, got to work, had annoying coworkers to deal with, and then at 3:40 my son calls me and says he has to go to a “meet the football team” thing (he plays in the school band and they had to be there). I hate it when unexpected things pop up like that, but I got home and made a quick dinner then we went to the football field. As I sat in the bleachers, I noticed not the overweight folks who were there, but all the moms who looked to be about my age.  I noticed A LOT of these women who were 35-45 years of age were THIN. Not mildly overweight, not chubby, not “need to lose ten pounds”, but there seemed to be a bunch of them that were slender, normal weight women. Whatever direction I looked there was a mom whose body I wistfully envied.

My self esteem took a swan dive right about then.

(source)

You know how when you get a new car, suddenly every car on the road is the same kind as yours? Or when you get pregnant, baby bumps are every where you look? Usually I notice women who are overweight like I am, but last night all I could see were the thin moms. After the program, I stood waiting for my son and had a chance to really look at these women. They weren’t skinny, they didn’t look like they paid a lot of money to look the way they do, they just looked like they didn’t eat too much and probably exercised regularly. They were normal moms who didn’t have a weight problem. Every-freaking-where I looked, there they were…showing me what I could have been if I had just taken a different path.

Or what I COULD look like if I keep to the path I am on. I remember thinking the all to familiar phrase “I need to do something about my weight.” And then my next thought was “I AM doing something about it. Right now. I’m doing something by eating dinner early and not snacking the rest of the evening.  I’m doing something by tracking my calories and walking.  It may not be noticeable yet, but I am doing something about it.” And that simple thought made me feel so much better!  Yes, it might take a while to get there (Go Turtles!) but if I just keep doing what I’m doing, I WILL get there.

Maybe by next year’s Meet the Football Team night, I’ll be one of those thin moms. (Fingers crossed!)

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10 thoughts on “I am doing something.

  1. debby

    Yessiree, Jill, the longer I look around the blogs, the more I am convinced this is the ONLY way to get there and stay there. Love from your fellow turtle.

  2. Oh, I know! The body-checking can be a killer. When I’m given the advice to not body check and just look at their shoes, it just makes it worse for me. (Oh, what cute shoes they have. I can’t wear shoes like that; I have plantar fasciitis. Why do I have PF? Oh, yeah, BECAUSE I’M FAT, that’s why, and my feet can’t hold me up anymore. THEY can wear those shoes because THEY are thin and healthy. blah blah blah) Boo hoo.

    But, I love your attitude that you are doing something. Turtles are good, and they eat their veggies.

  3. My blog post yesterday was about watching an annoyingly slim and beautiful woman at the gym. I try not to envy other women’s bodies, especially since you don’t really know what is going on with them. They could have breast cancer or crohns disease, as a couple of my slender friends do — being slim doesn’t give you a perfect body or a perfect life. And anyway, you’ll get to slim one day. But some days it is just harder, isn’t it! I was feeling yesterday like I had just wasted what should have been the hottest 20 years of my life.

  4. I know it. A year ago my goal was to be at my goal when my DD started K this year. Not only am not at goal, I am where I was a year ago, if not 2-3 lbs more (lost 17 lbs (having already lost 20) and then put the 17 right back on).

    I won’t set my goal to be by 1st grade, but by my 25 reunion in 2013 would be nice.

    But yes, yesterday at the Meet the Teacher, I am not sizing up the other kids, I am sizing up the moms. Thankfully I am right in the middle. There are a couple of very sizable, 300+ lb moms. But I was so worried what the thin moms were thinking of me.

  5. It’s so hard to keep from making comparisons to everyone else. Why is it so easy for them? Why is it so hard for me? Why can’t I control myself? Why do I have to watch every morsel and that skinny bitch is eating cake? Why didn’t I get this weight thing under control 20 years ago? Why? Why? Why? We can ask all the questions and know what the answers should be but it doesn’t change where we find ourselves right now. You are on the right path. Keep walking!

    TURTLES ROCK!

  6. Back when I was at my thinnest – and this was AFTER being obese, I worked really hard to get down to that – I was out at Wendy’s with my husband, and I got myself a frosty. A BIG FREAKING CHOCOLATE FROSTY. Oh, I had a burger too, but I was going to have that frosty, because it was my treat. I had earned it. It was such a gift to have a treat and not feel guilty about it because I was in balance with my eating and fitness. I sat down with my family, and a pair of women snarked at the table behind me “Just look at her, skinny *itch. Must be NICE to just eat whatever the hell you want, and not be a real person…”

    1) being the thin person was weird, and new experience for me, because guess what? In my head (and still to this day, no matter where my body is at) I’m still that obese girl who got the comments and the looks about being FAT, not thin. Never thin.

    2) I still had to fight, maybe not as hard since I made it a habit, but fight I did to be healthy. Every day.

    So maybe, next time? Maybe say hello to one of those slim moms. I know you didn’t say or do anything mean, but you never know, she might be the one sitting there wishing for a donut, and thinking about how many minutes she had to spend weight lifting today, just like you. She might be just as intimidated, and thinking about herself and what other people are saying.

    You’re on your own path, and it’s about health. And how fabulous is that?! Every day is a chance to be better than you were yesterday, no matter where you are in your journey. WTG on your inner dialogue!

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