Honesty is a dish best served covered with chocolate sauce

Wow – you guys were great with all the dinner suggestions and websites!!  I’ve already had Leslie’s BBQ salmon twice and it has earned a place in my regular rotation. I still need to do some more ‘sperimenting and find some more new dishes, but thanks to y’all at least I have some new places to look.

At the beginning of the year, I promised myself that I would go get all my medical-type testing stuff done this year, since I turned 40 and all. So far I’ve had a physical and my annual Lady Bits exam and on Friday I go get my first Mamm-o-gram (sounds like an old lady should come sing you a song while you are getting squished). So far all of my results have been great. I’m healthy. I’m a healthy woman.

Which sucks because that was my whole reason motivation excuse for losing weight. When my daughters ask me why I walk on the treadmill, I always tell them it’s because I want to get healthy. When they ask why I like to eat salads, I tell them it’s because I like to eat healthy food. Which is a total lie. I like to eat chocolate.

So, all these good test results are making me wonder why I’m trying to lose weight. And do I really NEED to lose weight? My motivations for losing weight now are purely vain and shallow. It’s because I want to be a smaller size. It’s because I want to look good.

vain, Vain, VAIN!!

But am I any different than 90% of the people out there who are trying to lose weight? Yes I do know of a few bloggers who have serious health issues who have changed their lives and their weight for the better (Pubsgal I’m looking at you), but really aren’t most of us doing it for vanity reasons?

But back to my original point – do I NEED to lose weight? If I’m already healthy…then what’s the point? If I can keep doing what I’m doing and keep my numbers good, then why should I even worry about losing weight? Well, I think I need to refer back to my post of 5/26/11 entitled Because…

because I’m starting to waddle when I walk

because my fat jeans are now my so-tight-they-are-inappropriate jeans

because when I jump on the trampoline, I’m afraid I’m going to rip it

because I don’t recognize myself in the mirror

because getting up off the floor is becoming harder and harder

because the older I get the harder it’s going to be

because I want people to say “she has pretty hair” and not “wow she’s gotten big”

because turning over in bed is an exercise in itself

because the elastic in my underwear is shot

because I don’t want my kids to be embarrassed

because 14 years is long enough


I suppose all of my reasons aren’t purely shallow and/or vain and I guess I’ll keep walking and Zumba-ing, and eating salads (I really do like salads, especially when there’s chocolate for dessert) and guzzling water and doing all those things that tend to whittle one’s waistline with the hope that my waistline will be whittled as well (alliteration, anyone?).

I suppose I’ll look at my weight loss as entree of practicality with a little bit of vanity on the side. And hopefully some chocolate for dessert.

Bon appetit!

10 thoughts on “Honesty is a dish best served covered with chocolate sauce

  1. Yes, you are healthy NOW. That is a blessing. Huge blessing! There are plenty of skinny women who are unhealthy, and have horrible numbers from the doctors. They just don’t care or know that they have horrible numbers because they look great on the outside. The girl I work with is like that–she eats like crap–nary a veggie or fruit crosses her lips, ever–and so does her kid and her husband. And she will forever be thin, b/c her mom is. She’ll never bother finding out what her numbers are until she’s SICK. Because she LOOKS fine.

    Yes, it’s about vanity. So what? We all want to look good. But it’s not just vanity. It’s about feeling good in your own skin. Whether or not that’s a function of what size you are has a whole heck of a lot to do with how you FEEL on the inside. There are plenty of plus sized women who say they feel good about their bodies (whether they are telling the truth or not, who knows… I don’t know any of them personally, but I hear they exist somewhere out there in the world). I didn’t feel good on the inside when I was a size 8. Did you? Sure, I felt good that I could wear cute clothes, but I still didn’t feel like I was “good enough.”

    Your list is great. And it’s not just about vanity. So keep it, and read it often when you are feeling down.

    Maybe you could also add, “because in 10 or 20 years I don’t want to be a lump of skin and bones and fat with no muscle tone or strength, who can’t get get up and down off the floor without moaning and groaning and lots of help.” I look at my mom and think, damn, I do NOT want to have those flabby arms and legs and have problems getting up and down off the floor in 17 years.

    We have to start now–in the prime of our lives, because yeah, 40 feels old but it’s really still quite young–to take care of the 80 year olds we hope to grow into. I am NOT a far seer or planner. I hope to goodness I don’t care what I look like when I’m 80. But I do know I want to be able to get up and down off the toilet and walk without help and be as independent as possible when I am an old woman.

    You know the “when I am an old woman I will wear purple” thing? I think we need to start a “when I am an old woman I will be running races” thing. That’s who I reallly want to be. But I can’t start being that woman when I’m old. I’ve gotta be that woman now.

    1. You should copy and paste this into your blog because, damn girl, this is good! 🙂 Thanks for the perspective – you are right, I have to start now to become the spunky old woman I want to be!!

  2. I second what Laura N. says! You really are quite young, but entering middle age, which is exactly when weight-related issues can sneak up on you. Don’t be that person with the sore back or knees or metabolic syndrome or hypertension at age 50, because you checked out fine at age 40. No time like the present to get the extra weight off and reap the rewards of it. No guarantees, health-wise, but you will definitely giving yourself the best chance for a high quality of life as you get older!

  3. I have so many thoughts I don’t know where to start. Mostly I guess I just want to say that somewhere in there there is a happy medium. Yes, its okay to have vanity as a motivating factor. But that vanity is NEVER going to be satisfied. NEVER NEVER NEVER. Do you people hear me? NEVER. Okay, I’m laughing at myself now. Where did that come from? Its just my frustration at reading people saying stuff like, ‘I’m in a size 12 now and I refuse to be happy with that.’ Or, ‘I look at myself a year ago and I wasn’t happy with myself then. Oh I would be so happy to be that weight again.’ You know what I’m talking about, don’t you. And I’m not just talking about other people. I’m talking about me, darn it. What I wouldn’t give to be back at 155. But part of me was not satisfied when I WAS at 155.

    The other side of the factor is the health. And to embrace that you are healthy now and be thankful and grateful. Its not necessarily so, but I guess I can only talk about me. I was ‘healthy’ even at 255-260 all the way until I was about 48 years old. Then the BP, the blood sugar, the cholesterol all started creeping up. It scares me even now to think about it. I think I would have mild arthritis no matter what. But surely its easier for my joints just a little bit to not have so much weight to lug around? So I think, ‘to stay healthy’ is the best motivating factor. But its hard for something you’ve actually never experienced to be a true motivating factor, isn’t it?

    What else do I want to say? 1. You are SUCH a good writer! 2. You have pretty hair. 3. Stop saying you waddle like a duck. xxoo

  4. I felt the same way when all test results came back “healthy.” Really? But diabetes runs in my family. I eat bowlfuls of partially hydrogenated oil laden with high-fructose corn syrup. I’m carrying almost another person in weight. How can years of self-abuse result in a “healthy” read-out?

    I, too, was looking for that motivation to whip me in shape. The only motivation was that this good news wasn’t going to last forever, and I really do need to establish healthy habits.

  5. I think Laura and Debby are right-on. And I’d have to say that while it was not my initial motivating factor, I was motivated partly by vanity. When newly diagnoes and researching Type 2, I had to wade through reading a lot of the unflattering stereotypes online. What a wakeup call that was, too! And dammit, that was NOT me.

  6. (cont.) I thought it had faded a little, but with the Winter 10 clinging to me, I feel it prodding me. Or maybe that’s Frugality, and not Vanity? I don’t want to *have* to buy new clothes.

    1. Me either PG!!! I really don’t want to buy bigger jeans, and yet buying bigger skirts doesn’t seem to bother me, maybe because skirts are a little more forgiving than jeans or pants. I’m wearing some of the same skirts I wore 30 pounds ago – all I had to do was pin the waist (or unpin it, now) and it still looks like it fits.

      So are we agreed that it’s okay to be motivated by vanity? I wonder why I feel somewhat ashamed of the whole vanity thing? Maybe that’s a topic for a future post…

      1. Sure it’s okay! I like your description: “my weight loss as an entree of practicality with a little bit of vanity on the side.” I think that where people get into trouble and start doing unhealthy things in the name of weight loss, or start getting too down on themselves, is when the vanity becomes the main course.

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