The Decision

Okay, so for the last couple of weeks I have felt like it’s do-or-die time in regards to my weight. I have waffled back and forth on whether or not I should go back on my doctor’s weight management plan (ie diet pills) or if I should just suck it up and do it on my own. Last weekend was kind of a tough one and I had decided that I had enough and I was just going to do the damn diet pills and lose the weight and get it over with. Yesterday’s post was all the reasons I was using to convince myself that I should take the diet pills (that’s what that last sentence meant, Amy!).

I wasn’t very comfortable with that decision though. I felt like taking the diet pills was cheating and wondered if I wouldn’t be right back in this same leaky boat this time next year. I felt sort of guilty taking the “easy” route. I even had my blog post about the diet pills written in my head and the title was going to be Don’t You Judge Me Because I’m Judging Myself Enough For All Of Us. Feeling guilty much, Jill?

I was making plans to go visit my doctor yesterday afternoon to get the results of my physical and start the diet pill program, when I got this email. It’s a daily devotional that I have emailed to me every day. And then I read this one too – same devotional, different day. Both of them made me think that maybe I need to NOT do what I’ve done in the past and maybe taking the easy way out isn’t the way to go after all. And then I got this email from my insurance company at work:

If you are looking to lose weight, Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Illinois (BCBSIL) can help. With our Blue Care Connection telephonic Weight Management program, you’ll have guidance and support through personal motivational coaching – at no additional charge to you.

Once you are enrolled, you will be assigned to your own Wellness Coach who will:

Review your symptoms and problems.

Provide you with personal assistance for goal setting, resource education and tips.

Work with you to establish a follow-up call schedule.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions and share your feelings with your coach. This valuable relationship can help keep you motivated.

Very cool, right? So I called and enrolled, and I talked to Richard who was, shall we say, reserved at best. He was somewhat cool (not in a good way) and asked me a bunch of questions and basically told me lots of stuff I already knew. Then he said he would call me in a couple of weeks to check my progress. Not exactly the warm hug, hand holding experience I was looking for, but it’s a start, right?  
So I’m going to just try and bust my arse and lose this weight the old fashioned way. I mean lots of other bloggers have done it, so why can’t I? I might take me a loooooong time, but as long as I’m making progress, I’m okay with that.
I don’t really have a solid plan as to how I’m going to do it, I’m just going to focus on DOING WHAT I ALREADY KNOW I SHOULD BE DOING. Eating small portions of good-for-me foods and moving my extra large arse every day in some form  or fashion. I told Debby that if I was really being honest, when I did the diet pills in 2008, I was also eating like Atkins and walking EVERY DAY and I always said that THAT is why I lost the weight, so why can’t I just do that again? The eating well and walking part, not so much the Atkins part. But I had it in me before to do those things, I know I’ve got it in me to do it again.  The hubs and I bought a new treadmill last weekend, so I think I’m going to give C25k another go. I don’t plan on running any races, but I think I need to have a fitness goal that I can achieve. I need to be able to finish SOMETHING because I’m not so good with the follow-through once I start something.  Being able to complete the C25k would give me a boost I think, plus it’s a simple plan to follow.
Oh! I had my doctor fax the results of my physical to me and honestly, I don’t understand how someone who is 50 pounds overweight can be so darn healthy. Seriously, all my numbers were great.  My blood is as healthy as a freaking horse. I’m really surprised because I expected everything to be a mess, but I am in good health, so score one for Team Jill!!  Woohoo!!
This is a long weekend (thank goodness!!) and I have NO PLANS. Just a blissfully long weekend hanging out with the fam.  I’m so looking forward to it like you cannot believe!!  I hope you all have a great weekend – bring on the Summer time!!!  🙂
In the meantime I’m going to leave you with this song – it brought me to tears this morning because I really needed to hear it (this is the clean version):
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11 thoughts on “The Decision

  1. I wanted to congratulate you on choosing to do it the old fashioned way. When I was in high school my parents thought it would be best if I went on diet pills. So I did. I was 5’7″ and 175 pounds. I started taking diet pills in January and by late April I was down to 120. However, my heart raced at night, I would sleep all day, maybe eat 200 calories a day, no motivation to even move during the day, it was painful, and I am sure you can guess the next one…I gained every pound back and more! Now I weigh 195 and losing it the healthy way. Diet pills are awesome to help you lose weight, but the torture and the days lost in my life are just not worth it. I was also very angry during that time. It was just awful. Now I am bigger than ever and even more angry about the whole deal. So good luck! Trust me, you made the right choice!

  2. Loved this Jill! LOVE that Pink song. Every time I hear one of her songs I like it. Maybe I should get her CD?

    I hope you take the lab results to heart. Do not discard that information. You are already healthy. You are perfect. Someone more important than I thinks you are perfect.

  3. love that song! P!nk rocks!

    I applaud BCBS for having a program like that. And as for Richard, sometimes you just need someone to give you the facts, because when they “hold your hand” you sometimes get too comfy, and slack because of the nicey nice factor.

    Kudos on making the decision to do things the right and natural way. It’s a daily struggle for a lot of us, and we have to support each other!!

    • I have a feeling you are right, Cher. I think Richard might the “no excuses” kind and as much as I hate to admit it, I need that right now.

  4. I worked with a phone person from an insurance company for a while (asthma support) and she was all that you were picturing.

    My suggestion is to call and see if there is a better fit for you (than Richard). And if there is not a better fit, then you might see if there is someone available in your area.

    I worked with a RN for a while. I paid something like $25 for the year and then she was available to me (in person) once a month. She took my stats (blood pressure, heart rate, weight, etc) each time and then we talked about how things were going.

    This was thru a women’s group at a local hospital. They had all kinds of speakers and other services available for members. Most of these were free.

  5. After thought – I often specify I need a woman. I am not comfortable with a lot of men. I can see it would take a certain type of man to be a good support person.

  6. Jill, I’m so happy you decided not to go back on the pills to lose weight. I know how tempting it is to try the quick fix, we want the weight off NOW, not months from now but quick isn’t always better. I’m starting to believe that the longer it takes to come off the more likely it is to stay off for good. Do the best you can in each situation and forgive yourself for any slip ups because they will happen. I know you can do it without pills and I know it will be worth it!

  7. I’m late for the party!

    I really like the links, and I’ve been liking the Untangled/blog/site, too.

    The no-excuses approach is good, but I think it’s more effective when it comes from a peer — or someone who has achieved goals through his/her own struggles. There’s someone who occasionally comments on my blog, “Just do it and stick to it. Make habits and keep at them no matter what. Do the math – calories in, calories out. Etc.” Great advice, but this is coming from a single guy without kids or care-taker role and the only weight he had to lose was the extra 20-30 pounds he gained during college that he was able to take off once and keep off easily. It’s great he was able to do that, and it took determination, but it’s a different playing field.

    Ah! I gotta go! Keep us posted…

  8. Love the links. Proud of you, either decision you make, but I love that you listened to God through those devotional messages.

    We are in the same boat. It is so stinking hard right now. I am just taking it a day at a time.

    Hope you have been doing well, sweets!

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