Does this circus tent come without stripes?

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Whew!  The week of chaos is over and I am alive.  Actually it wasn’t so bad – I tried to just take things day by day, and I lived to tell about it, so it’s all good.

My weight is holding steady at 186 which is a God-send because eating this week has been all over the place.  I feel grateful that I didn’t gain.

Okay are you ready for a sad story? Not sad as in someone little kid has a disease, but sad as in “woe is me, join me in  my pity party, won’t you?”

Yesterday I wore a dress to work. When my husband asked why I was wearing a dress (instead of my usual jeans) I said it was because I was tired of wearing jeans every day and wanted to wear something different. The truth is that when I pulled my jeans out of the dryer to put them on, they were too tight. I know jeans are always a little tight when you get them out of the dryer, but I haven’t had that problem with these jeans because they were always just a little bit big. Not anymore. I got some other pants out of my closet to wear, and they also were too tight,  as were the third and fourth pair I tried on.

Le Sigh.

I have no pants. Like a man without a country, I am a woman without a pair of pants.

Now, I have always been one to say “go buy clothes that FIT, don’t worry about the size”, but damn, y’all I just don’t know if I can go buy a size EIGHT-FRIGGIN-TEEN.  I think that might send me over the edge, even if they are the cutest jeans in the world.  Just the thought of pulling a pair of size EIGHT-GINORMOUS-TEEN pants off the rack and holding them up makes me sweat a little bit. And I realize, it’s not the actual size that bothers me so much as it is that I NEED that size; that I have let myself go to the point where I need to venture outside of my comfortable 14/16 size and must foray into these larger unfamiliar sizes.  I am heading in the opposite direction of where I intended to go.  I think my GPS is busted.

And in a related story, I have decided I just can’t pull off the capris look. My legs are so short and my calves are so big, that capris make my legs look like stubby little tree trunks. The only solution I can think of is go with the maxi dress for the rest of the spring/summer. And can we talk about the name “maxi dress”? I know it’s supposed to be the opposite of mini skirt, but couldn’t the fashion world have come up with a better name? It sounds like something you should wear during your special Lady Time every month, or something so big that a circus would consider renting it from you for their show.

Are you having a good time at my pity party? Would you like some more punch?

So what I’m saying is, that either I suck it up and by bigger pants or hide myself under a big dress for the next 6 months. Either way, I’m not happy about it. And even if by the grace of God I do lose some weight, it won’t be enough to make a difference this summer, so once again, I’m going to be spending every gathering and family get-together feeling self conscious. I hate that.

Okay, gag. Enough of that. Even I’m sick of my whining at this point.

I hope you all have a good weekend. Me and my enormous ass are going to go shopping for circus tents. Let’s hope we find one without stripes.

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7 thoughts on “Does this circus tent come without stripes?

  1. Maxi dress? Really? I’m so out of the fashion loop but still, I never would have thought someone would tag clothes with that term. It’s probably the same person that came up with iPad.

    Last year I had some clothes set aside to give away wheneEVER I got around to adding other household stuff to it. Much to my dismay, I had to dig out my pair of size 20/22 jeans (for I, too, was jeanless) from the pile. They were more comfy than my smaller size jeans, but oh, what a bummer. But, by the time I wore out the thigh area, I could get back in (snuggly) an 18. You will get back to your 16.

    If you go shopping, try Walmart’s Easy Rider boot cut. Some other blogger suggested that to me, and they have worked out great for my big booty (without the baggy waistband and baggy “guy” crotch).

  2. OMGosh, Jill, you make me laugh. And you know that is a miracle right now. Yeah, there is a picture of me in my Dad’s apartment 20 pounds ago. I am in mourning. And feeling very self-centered that that is what I am mourning.

  3. Muffin-topped jeans, poor bra choice, and re-fluffing back fat over here. I’m feeling your pain, Jill. (literally, in the case to the too-tight jeans. And I don’t even have dresses for backup…and even if I did, people would think I was interviewing or something.)

  4. Oh sigh. Sigh sigh sigh.

    You and me (and apparently many of your readers actually) are two peas in a pod.

    I weighed myself today after months of having no scale. Suffice to say, I should have avoided that scale a bit longer. My big jeans are currently my just-fits-okay jeans and I refuse to buy new ones!

  5. oh man I know that feeling too well. I hope your weekend went better for you and your week is starting out well. I have closets full of clothes I can’t wear. I remember when I bought size 12s last year, thinking those were my fat clothes. Ha.

    I’m going to Florida on our big family trip, and still have next to nothing to wear. I am longing for 3 years ago, when I was wearing size 8s and looked adorable in a bathing suit. Why couldn’t I still be THAT girl? Ugh. As it is, I’ve got to get happy NOW and find clothing somewhere (hopefully for cheap) so my kids aren’t scarred for life by their sad mommy who has to wear Spanx to the beach.

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