Scorched

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There’s not a lot that I can do really well. Oh sure, I can type pretty fast and I can sing to my steering wheel like there’s no tomorrow, but really I don’t excel at much.

Except for the Crash and Burn.

(source)

I can crash and burn like nobody’s business. I crash in the most spectacular fashion. It’s beautiful, really.

All I need is a stressful day, an unexpected bill, or maybe just an exasperated look from the spouse and I am on FIRE.  The sparks that fly off my fingers as I rip into bags of chips are blinding. My descent into binge hell is like the most perfect swan dive off an Olympic platform. Graham crackers, lunch meat, cereals of the sugar variety…nothing is off limits when I dance my way around the kitchen, leaving a blurry trail of light and crumbs in my wake.

It’s what I do best. I’m thinking of turning it into a performance art. Of course refreshments would be provided at intermission.

Yes, I have become the master of glorious explosions and scorched earth. Wrappers will go unidentified, cartons will be less full, and no one will be the wiser.

It’s nice to be a master of something.

Now if only I could learn to use my powers for good…

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9 thoughts on “Scorched

  1. I’m on day four of my new diet/exercise/lifestyle regiem and going super-well so far. 3 & 1/2 days is something of a record for me. And I have PMS! Go me.

  2. “Now if only I could learn to use my powers for good…” — all I could think of is this line from Spiderman, “With great power comes great responsibility.” :0)

    Your post is fun, but I imagine there’s great pain behind it. I may not have to imagine because I live/lived* the crash ‘n burn binge fest (*I’m working on making it past-tense, knock on singed wood). It’s real, and it’s intense, and the sound of my fat sizzling in the fire isn’t pretty.

    The cool part is that you are aware of the emotional eating (oh, and I HATE those looks from the spouse!). My emotional eating is me trying not to feel something and using food to cope.

    At least you can say you are one hot mamma!

  3. Hey – this sounds all too familiar, you’re not alone. I’ve been ruining my weight loss from last year slowly but steadily for the past six months….and have only just now regained a little bit of momentum with going back to working out and keeping a food diary – it’s been just six days, but the difference is huge.

    Don’t give up on yourself, and please don’t be so hard on yourself either. I do the same thing, get hung up on the negative…whereas we really should be able to forgive ourselves and start over, yet again. It’s damn hard, but you’ve done it before and you can do it again. Rooting for you !!

  4. Ohio Girl

    Oh, Jill. I KNOW you are great at making me laugh and smile. You are SO real and there are a gazillion women out there just like you. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

    “If you get up one more time than you fall, you will make it through.” ~~~ Chinese Proverb

    The best part of about you is that you will keep trying, never giving up. I thought the picture of you holding that HUGE fish was very flattering. You looked great to me.

  5. You can use those powers for good you just need to rechannel your focus (yeah, I know, easier said than done). I’ve been scorched so many times and still have my moments when I willing walk right into the flames. The only thing we can do is try to limit the damage and keep reminding ourselves that the food binge isn’t going to make any of the problems go away. I’m finding that kickboxing really helps get out my frustrations and makes me feel strong. Try throwing a few punches and kicks – it really helps 😉 Hang in there.

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