I woke up today to my highest non-pregnancy weight ever. My fat jeans are snug. I broke the handle on my work chair because it’s the side I lean on all the time – broke the bolt right in two. I ran out of sugar so my coffee this morning was extra crappy. I’m one big raging hormone right now.

Yeah.

And you know what else is fun? Trying on last year’s spring/summer clothes over the weekend and realizing nothing fits!! That’s not depressing at all. And speaking of craptacular weekends, did I mention that I singlehandedly ate every single thing in my kitchen in search of the perfect replacement for peanut M&Ms? Learn from me, my people, when I say there is NO replacement for peanut M&Ms when the preLadyTime hormone will only be satisfied with The Peanut M&M sacrifice. Don’t try to fool her, she will take her vengeance and leave you wimpering in the corner. It wasn’t pretty.

After I hauled my beaten self out of the corner, I was looking over all the diet books I have at home and I realized that I have lots of books on how to stay on an eating plan, but guess what I don’t have? An actual eating plan. I feel like I am floundering and just sort of wandering around the dieting desert with no direction. Ever feel like that? So I am now in search of an eating plan that will satisfy both my taste buds as well as my aging body. Of course, there’s always the obvious choice of Weight Watchers, but aside from that, what else is there? South Beach is so passé, as are low carb plans. I could always go back to my doctor and request the diet pill plan that I was so successful with in the past, but I don’t know, that just sort of seems like putting a bandaid over a deep wound – not helpful in the long run. I honestly have no idea what to do. I need the structure of a plan, but I don’t want to feel restricted. Am I asking for my cake and wanting to eat it too? Absolutely. There has to be a plan out there that I can live with, and that my family can live with as well. Right?

And you know what else? I’m hungry. I just ate a salad and an orange for lunch and I’m still hungry. I have my afternoon sandwich, but if I eat that now, I’ll be hungry again later and I have to go to the grocery store after work, and well, we all know that going to the store hungry is a recipe for disaster.

Hey, you know what I should do? Whine and complain a little bit, because that always makes everything better, right?

I’m going to take my crabby self and just pound out some work orders because nothing cheers me up like working. Oh, and I just noticed I have mustard stains on my sweater. Nice. Professional, is what I am, yo.

Okay, I’m done.