Well I haven’t had a good rant in a while so…

I woke up today to my highest non-pregnancy weight ever. My fat jeans are snug. I broke the handle on my work chair because it’s the side I lean on all the time – broke the bolt right in two. I ran out of sugar so my coffee this morning was extra crappy. I’m one big raging hormone right now.

Yeah.

And you know what else is fun? Trying on last year’s spring/summer clothes over the weekend and realizing nothing fits!! That’s not depressing at all. And speaking of craptacular weekends, did I mention that I singlehandedly ate every single thing in my kitchen in search of the perfect replacement for peanut M&Ms? Learn from me, my people, when I say there is NO replacement for peanut M&Ms when the preLadyTime hormone will only be satisfied with The Peanut M&M sacrifice. Don’t try to fool her, she will take her vengeance and leave you wimpering in the corner. It wasn’t pretty.

After I hauled my beaten self out of the corner, I was looking over all the diet books I have at home and I realized that I have lots of books on how to stay on an eating plan, but guess what I don’t have? An actual eating plan. I feel like I am floundering and just sort of wandering around the dieting desert with no direction. Ever feel like that? So I am now in search of an eating plan that will satisfy both my taste buds as well as my aging body. Of course, there’s always the obvious choice of Weight Watchers, but aside from that, what else is there? South Beach is so passé, as are low carb plans. I could always go back to my doctor and request the diet pill plan that I was so successful with in the past, but I don’t know, that just sort of seems like putting a bandaid over a deep wound – not helpful in the long run. I honestly have no idea what to do. I need the structure of a plan, but I don’t want to feel restricted. Am I asking for my cake and wanting to eat it too? Absolutely. There has to be a plan out there that I can live with, and that my family can live with as well. Right?

And you know what else? I’m hungry. I just ate a salad and an orange for lunch and I’m still hungry. I have my afternoon sandwich, but if I eat that now, I’ll be hungry again later and I have to go to the grocery store after work, and well, we all know that going to the store hungry is a recipe for disaster.

Hey, you know what I should do? Whine and complain a little bit, because that always makes everything better, right?

I’m going to take my crabby self and just pound out some work orders because nothing cheers me up like working. Oh, and I just noticed I have mustard stains on my sweater. Nice. Professional, is what I am, yo.

Okay, I’m done.

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9 thoughts on “Well I haven’t had a good rant in a while so…

  1. I don’t have an eating plan either, but I know I do better when I plan better. For me, that means rigidly following some structure in my day. I know that I’ll eat when I’m not hungry, eat when I’m bored, eat when I’m stressed, so I try to make reasonably good choices and stay out of situations that set myself up for failure.

    There’s nothing easy about this stuff, Jill. I’m rooting for ya.

      • Hey Jill!

        I have been reading your posts for a few weeks now and I so relate to everything you say. I first connected with your blog on Karly’s site. I am the heaviest I have been right now too. Actually I think we are st the same place except I am too scared to get on the scale. I am in therapy trying to figure out how to do this for myself and without a prigram to be accountable to. My therapist said I am absolutely not allowed to be on another diet. I joined FA last year and lost 40 pounds. I actually got to 127 and was a size 4. Now that was way too small for me and I had to practically starve to get there but I do mourn that size. I know I am probably a size 10 naturally but the 12’s are tight now.

        I believe in therapy and loving myself through it and all that jazz but I am still fat and overweight and I don’t like it! I am 46 mother of 11 and 9 year olds and work PT. I just can’t seem to get motivated. I feel so rebellious. I want what i want and be skinnier. Well I can whine with you. Maybe we could write a song together and make a hit!

        I was watching the “Housewives” last night ( my secret obsession) and one had gained weight and she said no carbs for a while. That is the answer for me too. I am such a carb addict and I need to get this under control. If I find something good I will let you know.

        You are not alone!!!!!

        Lizanne

  2. Ok Jill, now that you are done whining, let’s see what we can do about this. First off, everyone needs to whine some and get it out of their system. However whining is not a solution (even if it makes you feel better). I think that you have to look deep and find the solution. What if you take the basic plan that Diana gives everyone and adapt it to your family and lifestyle? It’s a little work in the beginning but then you have it written down to follow. For instance, under breakfasts, list 4 to 6 different breakfasts that you enjoy that are healthy. Some to be cooked for when you have the time and others for an on the go thing. The main thing is to use portion control. Anything like a bowl of cereal (cheerios or another healthy choice- no sugar sweetened) with a banana, egg with wheat toast and apple slices, smootie, or even wheat English muffin with peanut butter. Those are just suggestions, what do you like and please don’t say donuts! Then pick your lunches and dinners. Having meals you like written allow you to prepick what you’ll have the next day, plan for it and make sure you have all the ingredients. Don’t forget to allow yourself 2 or 3 snacks. But you know all this, you’ve done it. So why are you doing this to yourself? There is something going on in that head that won’t let you succeed. What are you hanging onto, what need are you filling by not succeeding? I want to help you because I have tasted the nectar of success and everyone should enjoy this as there is nothing else like it. You were such a help to me when I needed it, I hope I can help you too. I think you already have all the answers, you just have to implement them.

  3. Wow, you got some nice serious answers there! Can I just say that nothing cheers me up like a little SassyRant? You should just change your blog name to that. You could charge admission and quit your day job!

    And yes, a plan is great, written things are great, good choices are great. But darnit, this is hard and it is neverending. NEVERENDING.

    Hey, what was in your salad that you were hungry again? Did you include some meat? No matter how good I make my salad–cheese, nuts, avocado, etc., if there is not meat in it I am hungry again. Former member of CF (Carnivores Forever).

  4. Craptacular. I’m sorry for your craptacular day, but can I just say I love your word, craptacular?

    And I have some peanut M&Ms in my drawer. Dang it! I wish I could wi-fi them to ya.

    Can I wi-fi a hug to you, too?

  5. Thanks to everyone for your support – you guys are awesome!!

    Dang, Noreen – you got me with this “what need are you filling by not succeeding?” That’s something I’m going to have to think about for awhile. Thanks for making me think – I appreciate that you never let me off the hook!

    Lizanne – I’m so glad you came by and commented!! I’m happy I have someone to whine with! 🙂

    Debs – it IS hard and neverending, isn’t it? bummer. As for my salad, it was just too small and I didn’t have enough of anything on it to last me. But today I’ve got chicken, blue cheese, and sunflower seeds – I can’t wait til lunch! 🙂 And I knew you’d love the rant!

    Gina – I’ll take the hug!! I finally went out and bought a small pack of M&M’s – was totally fine after that, wouldn’t you know. And feel free to use “craptactular” as often as you want! 🙂

  6. We, as always, my Super Twin, are in the same boat. I weighed 186.8 this morning. Yeah, pretty much my high again. Sucks. I think I’ve forgotten how to lose weight. All I’ve done for over a year is GAIN weight. I know what to do, but I just can’t make myself do it. Maybe for a couple of days, but it never sticks longer than that.

    I haven’t tackled the food thing with my therapist yet, but I’m going to next week (no appointment this week, dang it, because she didn’t have any openings). I know why I’m eating, pretty much–to numb the pain. I have pain from everywhere, it’s not just mourning my dad and all that mess. I have pain when my kids don’t listen and do what I’ve asked them to do five times in a row. I have pain when my husband ignores me & doesn’t help get the kids to do what I’ve asked them to do five times in a row. I have pain when I’m bummed I still am not working out. I have pain when I’ve got cookies in the pantry and, darn it, I want those cookies even though I know they are going to make me fat. I hvae pain from never being good enough, never having laundry finished, never finishing my scrapbook projects, never cleaning up my landscaping, never being ENOUGH for my kids or my husband. Or myself. Oh yeah, and there’s the constant, nonstop pain of not being able to wear 95% of the clothes in my closet(s) (…yes plural, they are also in Luke’s closet AND under his bed. Oy). My life is full of pain. I want it gone. I make it go away (temporarily) with food.

    What I do know– it takes ENERGY to make time to lose weight. You need energy to get your food ready and to exercise. And you need mental energy to stick to your plan when temptations come in your path. I got no extra energy right now. I can barely get by in life as it is. I don’t know how to fix the energy thing yet, but I think I’m working on it.

    I like the question “what need are you filling by not succeeding?” I’m taking that one to therapy next week.

    Big hugs. Hang in there.

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