A sad face.
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So – lots to talk about today so I’ll just jump right in…

My husband has taken a job in another state where he’ll be working on the road for the next 6-8 weeks. This stresses me out to no end.  While I’m thankful for the opportunity to earn some income during this cold, dreary winter, I rely on my husband a lot for the day-to-day things, and plus I just like having him around. I think the hardest part for me is not knowing when or if he’ll be able to come home during that time. He might come home in 3 days, or he might not come home until spring.  He’ll find out more when he goes to the main office tomorrow, but for right now, it’s really creating a lot of anxiety for me… and can you see where this is going? Although we’ve known for a couple of weeks that he would be going, yesterday the anxiety came welling up from inside and would not be stopped. I was ravenous when I got home and so I had a good old fashioned binge. I couldn’t get the food in my mouth fast enough. I didn’t even go to Boot Camp last night because I was just in such a funk that I couldn’t make myself go, even though it’s probably the one thing that would have helped me release some of this anxiety. Hindsight, and all – whaddya gonna do?   I went and laid down on my bed hoping that a little nap and a self pep talk would help me calm down. It didn’t. I slept a little but I didn’t really feel better. I managed to get through the evening and then at bedtime, in the dark and the quiet, it all came out. I started crying. I couldn’t help it and then I couldn’t stop it. My husband finally said, “Jill I’m not going off to WAR!!” Can you imagine what a mess I would be if he WAS going to war?  We talked for a while and I cried a little more, and then I finally fell asleep. Today I feel a lot better – I think I just needed to get it out. I’m still anxious about his leaving, but ultimately it will be a good thing for our family. Also I plan on using the time he is away to get into a regular work out routine and start experimenting with some healthier meals – maybe when he gets back his wife will be a wee bit thinner!

Another reason I didn’t go to Boot Camp is because yesterday I finally felt pain-free. For 2 weeks now, I’ve had sore muscles – a knot in my back by my shoulder blade, a pulled groin muscle, and a pull quad muscle. You know how “they” always say that you should ease into exercise and not try to jump into anything too strenuous for fear of injury? Yeah, well they were right. I’m out of my league with Boot Camp, but since there are only 3 classes left, I’m going to finish them. I doubt I will sign up for another round, at least not yet. There is a Zumba class on Tuesday and Thursday night that I think I would enjoy a little more – that might be my next foray into fitness.

Something else that I have been wrestling with is the need to jump on a weight loss bandwagon. All the talk about the new WW program has me thinking that maybe I should start tracking my food. I’ve been toying with counting calories or points or doing something along those lines. I feel a quiet desperation to do SOMETHING to help this weight come off, and exercise alone I’m afraid is not going to cut it. The only problem is, counting calories makes me crazy!! So it’s crazy that I would even think of doing that, right? But then when I think back to all the times I tried counting calories, I wonder if maybe my calorie goal was too low. Let’s face it, I’m kind of a big girl now, and 1200 calories isn’t enough for me. Maybe if I shoot for something like 1700-1800,  I would feel a little more in control? I don’t know – some of you have been with me for awhile – what do you all think? I need some perspective here, so be honest with me please.

I think I have more to write, but I’m running out of time.  Wish me luck – and send me lots of non-crying vibes!  🙂