Christmas Crash


So is anyone else Christmas crashing this week? I always feel a little bit sad after Christmas is over – the high of being with family and seeing the kids open their presents, I hate to see it go. But this is different – I have felt like one big train wreck all week long. I have been weepy, irritable, and just plain TIRED. I think the let-down of the holidays + mountains of sugar + my Lady Time hormones = the Perfect Storm for bitchiness. My poor husband doesn’t know what to do – he gets the brunt of my wrath (or apathy, depending on the day) and he’s just about had it with me. Truth is, I’ve just about had it with me, too.

I’m trying to be compassionate with myself, but man it’s hard. I’ve been able to fend off the emotional effects of this extra weight, but now the physical effects are hitting me. Rolling over in bed is becoming increasingly more difficult. Getting up off the floor after playing with my daughter takes what feels like Herculean effort. Walking a length any longer than that between my office and my car, or my car and the house, has me breathing heavier than usual. This is getting serious.

I’m making plans though – plans to get started getting fit. My husband ordered a Wii Fit Plus from a rewards program he gets through one of his suppliers and it should arrive in about a month. I know, it’s not exactly Ironman training, but for a sedentary gal like myself, it’s a start. Also, my favorite neighbor has been teaching a boot camp class and she has finally gotten the price down low enough that I can attend. She is doing a class that is on Monday and Wednesdays for 4 weeks, and I told her I would do this class with her, so there’s that. I’m also thinking about going back to my yoga class once a week. I really like yoga and I think it does a lot of good for me – physically and mentally.

It’s a start. That’s what I keep telling myself, that something is better than nothing and I have been doing a lot of NOTHING lately. I’ll still have plenty of time to relax in the evenings, but I need to MOVE. I need some activity – something that will get my blood moving and my heart rate up. I hope that all this activity will help my mood and my state of mind.

And if it doesn’t, I may be facing a divorce in the coming year (I’m kidding! I hope.)

Do any of you deal with the Great Holiday Let Down? Does the day after Christmas feel like the saddest day of the year?




There’s the door

So it seems that in blog land this week, lots of people are (naturally) reflecting on the past year and making resolutions/plans/goals for the coming year, which is great if you are into that kind of thing.

Right now, I am not into that kind of thing.

For one thing, 2010 sucked for me. SUCKED!!!! Lots of stress, anxiety, sadness, craziness all wadded together in one painful year. I am happy to see 2010 go – “See ya 2010! Don’t let the door hit you on the way out!!”

And I refuse, REFUSE, to make any New Year’s Resolutions/plans/goal because they always come back to bite me in the tail. I’m just not a goal setter nor am I a goal reacher. I don’t need the added pressure of an unattainable goal, and really what’s the point of making a goal you know you’ll reach? So, no goals for moi.

I am going to take this next year one day at a time and hope and pray that I come out on the other side with my health and sanity intact. That’s really all I want.

Where are you on the NYResolution debate? Do NYR help or do you think they set you up for disappointment?


Holy cow! I just realized this is my 500th post!! That’s a whole lot of posts filled with a whole lot of nothing to say!!!  🙂

Merry Christmas to you!

Christmas in the post-War United States

Image via Wikipedia

Just wanted to take a minute before the final crunch of Christmas prep begins to say that I wish you all a very Merry Christmas.  I am thankful for each and every one of you who continue to stop by my little blog here and read my drivel. You guys mean the world to me and I appreciate all of you for your support and your kind words over the last 12 months.  I hope we can all find a few minutes during this hectic time to just sit and look at the lights on our Christmas trees (or your menorahs) and meditate on all that we have and how blessed we are.




Off the beaten path


I have no goals. I don’t have any goals to “get me through” the holiday season. I don’t have a plan, I don’t have a timetable, I don’t have an ulterior motive for skipping the desserts.


For this Christmas 2010, I’m not going to plan my foods, or get in some extra exercise. I’m not going to follow any rules for keeping holiday weight gain in check or follow anything that says “lose 10 pounds by New Year’s Eve!”


This year, for this holiday season, I’m going to enjoy myself. Contrary to what you may think, that doesn’t mean I’m going to plant myself face first into the buffet during Christmas dinner. No it actually means that I’m not going to stuff myself silly, because when I am overstuffed, I’m not so much enjoying myself. That feeling is not fun for me anymore, and Pepto is not a good dessert.

So I’m going to eat what I want, when I want, but I won’t be cramming peanut butter balls into my pie hole (candy hole?) for a week. Same goes with all the other Christmas goodies I baked over the weekend. I’ve had a few small pieces here and there, but they are so rich that any more than that and I start to feel ill.

I will partake of all the goodness the season has to offer (food and otherwise) and not feel guilty about any of it.

Do I recommend we all do this? Well, no. If your mojo is strong and you are riding high on the success train, then please stay on track!  If staying away from the pecan pie is a small personal victory for you, then more power to you! I applaud you and your mojo.

But for myself, this season is about ditching the shame, the guilt, the need to “do it right”. This is about me RELAXING. This is about me pushing the weight loss effort aside so I can just be me without the overcoat of “I should”. I can’t do that if I’m freaking out about the calorie count of 3 Christmas cookies.

So forgive me if this offends your sensibilities, but we each have to find our own way. Unfortunately I’m finding that my way is off the beaten path. But really, I kind of like it like that.  😉




Nothing left to do except nothing

I’ve done it all. I’ve done Weight Watchers, Weigh Down Workshop, Body for Life, LA Weightloss and diet pills. I’ve hopped around the living room like a maniac to Denise Austin, Jillian Michaels, and Kathy Smith. I’ve read books about nutrition, body image, intuitive eating, and exercising. I know basically everything you could need to know about losing weight, yet all this knowledge isn’t doing me a lick of good.

I’ll admit, being the eternal optimist, I still keep hoping I’ll come across that book, that program, that blog…something that will be so special that it will propel me off the couch and into the land of health and fitness. But alas, the realist in me knows better. I know that the only thing that will get me off the couch…

Well, let’s be honest here. I don’t know what’s going to get me off the couch. I’ve run out of ideas and motivation. The truth is, I’ve been relaxing a lot lately and it’s been wonderful. After dinner in the evenings, I read a book or watch TV with my husband, or play a game with the kiddos. Usually the thought goes through my head “you know you could be working out right now” but I manage to push that thought aside when it’s my turn to draw a Candyland card. Here’s the thing: I’m enjoying this down time and I don’t want to change it. Yes, yes I know all about the benefits of exercise, but what about the benefits of just BEING? Just going with the flow and not worrying whether or not I get my 30 minutes in? Isn’t there something to be said for that?

You want to know something crazy? I haven’t been bingeing like mad during this downtime, either. I eat what I want, but really haven’t overeaten in some time now. I’ve even lost a couple of pounds and I can cinch my belt up one notch tighter, so I must be doing something right, right?

I have a sneaking suspicion that once the weather warms up again, I’ll be ready to tackle my weight head on and start something new. Or maybe I won’t. I don’t know. I do know that I am still so tired of the weight loss war, that for right now I have surrendered the battle and like a petulant child, have refused to play. No, I don’t like being 180 pounds, but I know that it will come off in time, so for the next few weeks I’m just going to enjoy the holiday season and do as much relaxing and hunkering-down as I can until it warms up again.

So I guess there’s nothing left for me to do except keep doing the nothing I’ve been doing. It seems to be working – I’m fairly happy today so why wreck a good thing?


(picture source)

The Sassy Pear’s Top Ten Christmas Songs

What’s this? Two posts in one week??? Has Jill gone mad, posting more than once a week???? What is wrong with her?!?!?

Well, nothing’s wrong,  and someone new subscribed to my blog (hello anonymous new person!!) so I felt like I should sorta, you know, blog about something.


So since I’m feeling the Christmas spirit now, let’s talk about something very near and dear to my heart: Christmas music!  Yes I am one of those annoying people who listen to the All Christmas Music All The Time radio station.  I love Christmas music and today I am going to share my Top Ten Favorite Christmas Songs!!  Ready? Here we go in no particular order:

Sorry, Heino. You didn't make the list. Better luck next year.

  1. White Christmas – Bing Crosby (you don’t mess with the Classics)
  2. (Christmas) Baby Please Come Home – U2.  Not your traditional Christmas song, but I truly love this song and it gets me moving every time I hear it.
  3. The entire score from A Charlie Brown Christmas. Seriously, I have an affection for this cartoon that borders on scary. Love it that much, I do.
  4. Santa Baby – Eartha Kitt (again, you don’t mess with the classics. Sorry Madonna, but your version irritates the hell out of me)
  5. Oh Holy Night – Nat King Cole. His voice soothes the soul.
  6. Rocking Around The Christmas Tree – Brenda Lee.  Another song that gets me boppin and hoppin!
  7. The Christmas Song – The Carpenters – Karen Carpenter’s voice is so hauntingly beautiful on this one.
  8. Mary Did You Know – Kenny Rogers. Yes, seriously.
  9. Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer – Gene Autry. Love me some cowboy Christmas
  10. Silent Night – sung by elementary school kids in a Christmas program. Makes me cry every. single. time.
  11. And as a bonus for my Jewish friends, Adam Sandler’s Happy Chanukah. This one is a classic in it’s own right.  🙂


I’ll admit it was hard to narrow this list down to just ten because I don’t get tired of listening to Christmas music. As much as I love Christmas songs by the classic artists, I have an equally passionate disdain for any Christmas music sung by Mariah Carey, Celine Dion, Jessica Simpson or anyone else born after 1960. It’s hard to improve on perfection and I wish certain artists would stop trying. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, I say.


So now it’s your turn.  What are your favorite Christmas carols? Do you also listen to as much Christmas music as you can for 30 days like I do or do you hate Christmas music with the white hot fury of a thousand blinking Christmas tree lights?

I cried.

I can’t remember the last time I had a good cry. I can’t remember the last time I had a bad cry. Even though I tend to be an overly emotional person, for some reason over the last year or so I have not cried. When I needed to cry, the tears wouldn’t come. When I wanted to cry, the time or place wasn’t conducive to a good sob fest. So I have not cried in probably over a year.

Until yesterday.

Crying Eye

Work has been supremely stressful for the last couple of weeks and although I’ve been able to deal with it (and by deal, I mean stuffing myself with Oreos), yesterday I had enough. We’ve been implementing a new data entry system, and to say it has been challenging is an understatement. Do you remember those old slide puzzles? The ones where in order to get the picture, you have to slide the pieces around and if one piece isn’t moved right, then the whole puzzle gets screwed up? That’s what this system is like. In order for it to work correctly, everyone has to do their part JUST RIGHT, and let’s be honest here – NO ONE ever does their part just right.  So guess who has to clean up the mess? That’s right – me.

I hit my breaking point just as my coworkers were about to leave (my shift starts and ends an hour later than everyone else – I like it this way), and one coworker knew that the dam was about to burst, but he just said a few kind words and left.  After everyone had left, I let it go. I put my head down on my desk and I cried.

I cried.

I cried for the stress I was feeling, I cried for the frustration that had bubbled up and over the brim, I cried and cried and cried. After a few minutes, I realized that I was not just crying over this stupid system, I was crying for a year’s worth of bottled up pain.

I cried for the Coworker stress that happened back in February and still exists today (but is only about 10% of what it was); I cried because I stuffed my feelings down with food and gained 20 pounds; I sobbed big wailing sobs because money is so tight and it’s Christmas time; I cried because Shawn hasn’t worked in over a month and his business might not pick up again until spring. I bawled because I am almost 40 years old and I have turned into the very thing I never, ever wanted to be: a frumpy, tired, stressed out, overweight office drone and I’m afraid it’s too late and it’s going to be too hard to change.

So I cried at my desk. And I cried on the drive home (so hard that I thought I was going to have to pull over on the side of the road until I could get it together). When I got home, I went straight to my husband’s arms and I cried to him (and he said and did all the right things – including cooking dinner!). I cried until my eyes were literally dry and hurting.

God, it felt good.

Today I feel refreshed, cleansed. I feel like my “reset” button has been set and I can continue on with my life. Yes the work stress will still be there, but I can deal with it. Yes, I’m still overweight but I can deal with that too. Yes money is still tight, but when is it not?

Today I feel lighter and better able to deal with all the stuff that a 39.75 year old frumpy office drone has to deal with. I will never again underestimate the power of a good cry, the power of letting all out no matter how red and puffy and tear-streaked it may be. From now on, I will make time to cry if I feel the need. I can’t push aside this stress-relieving resource any more.

If you haven’t cried in a while, find a quiet place and some alone time, and let. it. go. I promise, it will do your soul a world of good.


(picture source)