I did NOT want to get up early and work out this morning, but the reason I eventually got up is also the reason I didn’t want to in the first place. Confused?
Confession time – I binged last night. It was bad, y’all. A Very Bad Binge. I won’t go into details about what was consumed, but I will tell you that I know exactly why I did it.
I think have a lot more anxiety than I realized. It seems like most of my binges these days are due to anxiety. I used to think I was a boredom-eater or a stress-eater, but I think now anxiety has a lot more to do with it than anything. And sometimes I don’t know if the anxiety is well placed or not.
Here’s what’s making me so anxious – finances and my daughter’s birthday this weekend.
First, the finances. You may or may not remember that my husband is self employed, so that means the money comes in chunks at a time instead of a steady paycheck. When the chunks take a long time to come in the mail, I start to get nervous. My steady paycheck helps, but it can’t cover everything, especially when something extra comes into play, like birthdays, for example. So I’ve been a little worried about when the money’s going to come through. Usually this worry is useless because the hubs has always made sure we had enough, but I still let myself get too worked up about it.
Second, the birthday. It’s actually not just the birthday, it’s that there is a lot going on during the birthday weekend that has me wound tighter than a…whatever is wound really tight (see? my brain can’t even think of the correct analogy here!). On Friday, my daughter is having a couple of friends come over right after school and we are going to load up and go to Incredible Pizza Company (it’s like Chuck E Cheese for older kids). It’s going to be crowded and crazy there which I HATE, but I know once we get there it will be fine and fun. Then her friends are going to spend the night that night, and the next morning my husband is leaving early (5am) for a fishing tournament. Also, my son has a band competition and has to be at the school by 8:30am Saturday morning so I have to take him. Then I will take the friends home about noon, and then my husband comes home from his tournament for a couple of hours, then leaves again to go on a hunting trip. I promised my daughter that after he leaves we will go the mall and go to the Build a Bear Workshop so she can make her own stuffed animal (I’ve been promising her this for a couple of years now and this is going to be her present from my husband and I). Then that night, my neighbor wants to come over and watch a movie since both of our husbands will be gone – I’m actually looking forward to this. But my night won’t be over at that point, because if my son’s band makes it to the finals, they won’t be back to the school until midnight, at which point I will have to go and get him. At midnight. After a crazy stressful day.
I get all anxious like this whenever birthdays roll around because I put so much pressure on myself to make it all a wonderful celebration for the birthday-person, and everything usually works out fine, but I still get the oh-my-gosh-how-am-I-going-to-make-this-all-happen nerves. So my binge last night was my attempt to soothe my frazzled nerves, and I get that, but I still hate it when it happens. So even though I felt like a bloated carcass and just wanted to sleep it away, I hauled myself outta bed and did my 30 with Elli. And now I’m dumping it all out here on the blog hoping that it will ease the nerves a bit.
I will be so glad when Sunday rolls around and I can just veg. But hey I’m 3 for 3 on the workouts! So I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.