Wound tighter than a what?

Title page of W. H. Auden, The Age of Anxiety,...

Image via Wikipedia

I did NOT want to get up early and work out this morning, but the reason I eventually got up is also the reason I didn’t want to in the first place.  Confused?

Confession time – I binged last night. It was bad, y’all. A Very Bad Binge.  I won’t go into details about what was consumed, but I will tell you that I know exactly why I did it.

ANXIETY

I think have a lot more anxiety than I realized.  It seems like most of my binges these days are due to anxiety.  I used to think I was a boredom-eater or a stress-eater, but I think now anxiety has a lot more to do with it than anything.  And sometimes I don’t know if the anxiety is well placed or not.

Here’s what’s making me so anxious – finances and my daughter’s birthday this weekend.

First, the finances. You may or may not remember that my husband is self employed, so that means the money comes in chunks at a time instead of a steady paycheck. When the chunks take a long time to come in the mail, I start to get nervous.  My steady paycheck helps, but it can’t cover everything, especially when something extra comes into play, like birthdays, for example.  So I’ve been a little worried about when the money’s going to come through. Usually this worry is useless because the hubs has always made sure we had enough, but I still let myself get too worked up about it.

Second, the birthday. It’s actually not just the birthday, it’s that there is a lot going on during the birthday weekend that has me wound tighter than a…whatever is wound really tight (see? my brain can’t even think of the correct analogy here!).  On Friday, my daughter is having a couple of friends come over right after school and we are going to load up and go to Incredible Pizza Company (it’s like Chuck E Cheese for older kids). It’s going to be crowded and crazy there which I HATE, but I know once we get there it will be fine and fun.  Then her friends are going to spend the night that night, and the next morning my husband is leaving early (5am) for a fishing tournament. Also, my son has a band competition and has to be at the school by 8:30am Saturday morning so I have to take him.  Then I will take the friends home about noon, and  then my husband comes home from his tournament for a couple of hours, then leaves again to go on a hunting trip.  I promised my daughter that after he leaves we will go the mall and go to the Build a Bear Workshop so she can make her own stuffed animal (I’ve been promising her this for a couple of years now and this is going to be her present from my husband and I). Then that night, my neighbor wants to come over and watch a movie since both of our husbands will be gone – I’m actually looking forward to this. But my night won’t be over at that point, because if my son’s band makes it to the finals, they won’t be back to the school until midnight, at which point I will have to go and get him. At midnight. After a crazy stressful day.

Whew!

I get all anxious like this whenever birthdays roll around because I put so much pressure on myself to make it all a wonderful celebration for the birthday-person, and everything usually works out fine, but I still get the oh-my-gosh-how-am-I-going-to-make-this-all-happen nerves. So my binge last night was my attempt to soothe my frazzled nerves, and I get that, but I still hate it when it happens. So even though I felt like a bloated carcass and just wanted to sleep it away, I hauled myself outta bed and did my 30 with Elli. And now I’m dumping it all out here on the blog hoping that it will ease the nerves a bit.

I will be so glad when Sunday rolls around and I can just veg. But hey I’m 3 for 3 on the workouts! So I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “Wound tighter than a what?

  1. Okay. I’m going to go get dressed and take Noah for a walk. Even though I want to get back in bed which is very unusual for me which makes me wonder if I am getting sick. Maybe I just want to be sick so I don’t have to go to work tomorrow.

    We must have been on the same binge wave-length last night. I was getting sleepy on the drive home from work so I used that as a reason to get some frozen yogurt to make it home. Then when I got home I ate some nuts. And some more nuts. Then when I got in the shower I noticed my ‘core’ was a very unusual shape. I hope it is ‘bloating’ from the procedure, and not a new phase in my body shape.

    So okay. I am going for a walk. sans coffee. then i might go back to bed.

    And I agree. Most of my overeating is due to anxiety. Which I didn’t think was the case either. That book I did the author said that a lot of overweight people have anxiety.

    • I think there needs to be some truth in advertising here – I”ll take a side shot for you so you can see where all my weight REALLY goes (the gut and the butt stick out much farther than is necessary!!).

  2. I’ve noticed the same thing. I want to eat crappy food when I’m anxious (which I equate with stress). Yesterday I went grocery shopping, with a list. When I got to the check-out I was so tempted by all the candy, but I resisted…and part of that is, I can control what I put in my mouth. When everything else is out of control, I can control THAT.
    The weirdest thing though….I LIVED! Skipping the Snickers didn’t kill me.
    All this time I was thinking….

  3. I have a lot of anxiety and have some form of panic attacks. I get frozen. I can’t focus. I eat, eat, eat. It can lead to depression. Years ago I was put on Zoloft. That helped a lot. But, I had no emotions; I couldn’t cry. Then I didn’t want sex and couldn’t get the big O. I had to give my husband a choice: does he want to have great sex with a fat b*tch, or does he want a calm, happy wife. I’m off the meds.

    I was reading a Geneen Roth book. She spoke of anxiety and binge eating. She said she has to tell herself that nothing is wrong. Nothing is really wrong. Breath.

    Out of her whole book, that concept stayed with me. It sometimes helps me and allows me to live in the moment. I don’t think that concept would work for me if a tragedy happened, but it’s good for dealing with day-to-day busy living.

    Your daughter is going to love hanging out with her friends. It sounds like you have a fun, albeit tiring, weekend ahead.

    Great job on the workouts!

  4. There is nothing wrong with you. I promise! My children are grown, and now we’re spending lots of time with grandchildren. You are slap dab in the middle of an excruciatingly stressful time. IMO, you could worry if you weren’t showing signs of stress, such as binge eating. Just try to stop to smell the flowers and enjoy. These times pass so quickly. Blessings!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s