Thinking out loud

Trying to do a little self-analysis here, mainly thinking out loud, so bear with me.

This morning I weighed in at 170 pounds*. I’ve gained back a lot of the weight in the last 6 months. I think there are 2 things contributing to this, one outside of me, the other inside of me.

Thing #1 – I have some “issues” with a coworker which started back in February. It is very awkward and uncomfortable being around this coworker and I try to avoid him as much as possible. When I am at work, I feel a low level of stress ALL THE TIME. I don’t know how to resolve this issue without quitting my job, and honestly right now I cannot afford to quit. I think this has something to do with my binge eating for the last few months and the subsequent weight gain.

Thing #2 – Working backwards here, I’ve been bingeing a lot, eating things that I normally would not touch with a ten foot pole. I feel bloated, tired, sluggish. I have a sort of attitude where food is concerned which I think can be attributed to my lack of exercise. I haven’t exercised in months.  I still think of exercise as a weight-loss activity instead of an antidepressant-mood-lifting-self-esteem-building activity. I think it would do me a world of good to sweat out the stress and anxiety I’ve been feeling – use exercise as a way to deal instead of a way to burn calories. I love yoga, but it’s not the sweaty steady movement kind of yoga, it’s more about technique and doing the poses separately.  Zumba class starts next Tuesday, but I think I might start walking or getting on the elliptical this week because I need the brain boost NOW.

I’m toying with logging my food, but that always seems to lead me into CrazyDietLand, so I’m really hesitant to do that. I”m really fighting the urge to take action NOW – jump headfirst into a PLAN! and get these pounds off. However, I want to do things differently, so I guess that means being patient and working on the emotional stuff. I do think some cardio would be good for me, so I’m going to try and do that this week.

*I’ve decided to weigh myself once a week on Mondays, yes Mondays so I can get a true assessment of just how much damage I’m doing to myself.

4 thoughts on “Thinking out loud

  1. Jill,
    I feel your pain and frustration. At least you have identified the problem and now must find a solution. I have some suggestions for your solution. Come back to iChange. You don’t need to go with the ‘diet’, you need the help with the emotional part. Deep down, you know what you have to do, you just need to bring it to the surface. By journaling your food, you will be more aware of what you are eating and the amount of calories involved. It will also tell you where you stand in carbs, fat, etc.
    The other thing very helpful is journaling your feelings where you will get feedback from people who are in the same position as you. Sometimes you think you are alone, but you are not. At some point, everyone is going thru the same thing with minor discrepacies. But you know this already, you just need a nudge in the direction. Besides we miss your wit and inspiration. Sometimes helping others, really helps you. Think about it.

  2. It sounds to me like you’ve thought things through really well. While jumping into some kind of strict “plan” might make you feel better right away/on the surface, it won’t solve the issue in the long-run. I agree that doing some light cardio and/or yoga for stress-relief, plus a full examination of the emotional stuff, will leave you feel better and more relaxed.

  3. Why don’t you just do one step at a time? Yeah, you know what to do…but sometimes that’s TOO MUCH to add to all of the other stessors. Take it a day or two, or week at a time. Instead of keeping track of every calorie and bite, just keep track of what you eat and try to make better choices. Instead of jumping right into some crazy workout schedule, aim for a couple times a week. Don’t try it all at once, just a little at a time.
    Mostly though, give yourself a break.

  4. I haven’t blogged about it, yet, but I’ve had to stop jogging and exercise walking due to a foot injury (plantar fasciitis). I’ve been sooo bummed. I had even signed up for my first 6K race and will be lucky if I can walk it.

    Anyway, what I’m getting at is that my ability to deal with other stresses and healthy eating is gone without some sort of exercise. Walking had been my saving-grace (and my family’s so I wasn’t so cranky and anxiety-filled). It wasn’t even about losing weight anymore, I just needed the boost in energy and endorphins, etc.

    I’m so sorry to hear about the difficult co-worker. Having decent people to work with can really make-or-break job satisfaction. That’s a big chunk of your day that your body is dealing with that negative stress. I wish/pray for you the endurance and ability to cope/deal/survive your work days.

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