I feel fat. The seat of my jeans is a little more snug these days. My toes look a little pudgier than they did 6 months ago. My nightgowns don’t skim and flow over my torso like they used to. My cleavage is a little more full (I’m totally thrilled with that part, btw).
I don’t hate my body, I don’t feel like a failure, I don’t think I’m the scum of the earth because I gained 10 pounds in the last 3 months. I’m just not used to being this size anymore.
And that’s a good thing. Because I was at this weight for YEARS and I had gotten comfortable with it. Not so anymore. I’m totally uncomfortable. I’m more tired, it’s harder for me to get motivated, sex has lost it’s zing (well, sort of) and I DON’T LIKE IT.
The most frustrating part of this is that it is really hard for me to accept that it’s going to take at least 3 months to get this weight off. I want it off NOW! I want to wake up tomorrow, step on the scale, and see 155 pounds. I want to wear my skinny jeans again. I want to drown in my nightgowns. I want to wake up and look in the mirror and think “my husband has a smokin’ hot wife”. I’m not so good with the “being patient” thing.
Think anyone would notice if I changed my name to Veruca Salt?