I want it NOW!

I feel fat. The seat of my jeans is a little more snug these days. My toes look a little pudgier than they did 6 months ago. My nightgowns don’t skim and flow over my torso like they used to. My cleavage is a little more full (I’m totally thrilled with that part, btw).

I don’t hate my body, I don’t feel like a failure, I don’t think I’m the scum of the earth because I gained 10 pounds in the last 3 months. I’m just not used to being this size anymore.

And that’s a good thing. Because I was at this weight for YEARS and I had gotten comfortable with it.  Not so anymore. I’m totally uncomfortable.  I’m more tired, it’s harder for me to get motivated, sex has lost it’s zing (well, sort of) and I DON’T LIKE IT.

The most frustrating part of this is that it is really hard for me to accept that it’s going to take at least 3 months to get this weight off. I want it off NOW! I want to wake up tomorrow, step on the scale, and see 155 pounds. I want to wear my skinny jeans again. I want to drown in my nightgowns.  I want to wake up and look in the mirror and think “my husband has a smokin’ hot wife”.  I’m not so good with the “being patient” thing.

Think anyone would notice if I changed my name to Veruca Salt?

(source)

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9 thoughts on “I want it NOW!

  1. I feel your pain. However its all about how we see our body image. Alot of it is in your/my head.

    i weight 125lb and im 5’6. but i can tell you that I still see that fat/pudgy girl in the mirror from grade school and i always will.

    • Actually, at 5’3″, 165 pounds is too much for my body. I’m chubby at this weight – not a judgement, just a fact. I think I have pretty good body image – I just know that this is too much weight for this size/type body.

  2. Let me tell you why I love this post – you are highlighting how important it is to separate our thoughts into facts and judgments. Too often we think the judgments are facts, and that’s what causes a lot of emotional pain. When we can see the facts without judgment, we’re much better equipped to deal with the situation.

  3. Hey Veruka –
    Unfortunately, weight loss is a game of extreme patience. I feel the same way though and actually wrote a post with the same title back in ’09 (http://finallyfiguringitout.blogspot.com/2009/07/i-want-it-now.html)
    The good news is I’m in a much better place this year than I was then. Keep the faith you’ll get there, not right now, right this second, but you’ll get there.

    P.S. I’m still working on my Life is Good Bloggy Love post. I should have it done soon.

    • Well dangit MB, why didn’t you tell me before, then I wouldn’t have had to write my post at all!! I could have just copied and pasted your post right onto my blog because that’s EXACTLY how I feel right now!! 😉 You rock, Veruca.

  4. 10 pounds in three months is a pretty significant period of time you are giving yourself to get those few extra pounds off. It definitely feels much better to be at your ideal weight and shape.

  5. lordy I am 100% there with you.
    right now not weight but with something WEIGHT’Y that will take me eons and im so wishing I could wake up tomorrow and have it done.

    this struggle thing is universal huh?

    we.can.do.this.

    Carla

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