What I know for sure

Here’s what I know for sure about my life right now:

  • If someone offers me a donut, I’m going to eat it and not feel bad about it. It’s just a donut, not my self worth.
  • I have 3 kids, one of those being a teenage boy, so there will, for the time being, be a lot of snack foods and treats in my house.  And yes, I will occasionally partake of said snacks/treats.  That’s just how it’s going to be.
  • On those rare occasions when I go out to eat at a restaurant, I’m not going to worry about how many chips or how much bread I consume. When I go out to eat, it is usually for an occasion which means I will be a little less cautious about my calorie intake. I’m there to enjoy the people and the food, not to be anxious about my choices.
  • In the same vein, holidays will be celebrated with food. Birthdays will include birthday cake, Christmas will include cookies, 4th of July will involve potato salad…it just will.
  • My husband is a meat-and-potatoes kind of guy.  He will not eat things like “spinach quiche” or anything with the words “spinach” or “quiche” anywhere in the title.  He eats what he wants, yet he’s pretty much the same size he was when we got married 14 years ago.  I will make our dinners as healthy as I can, but I’m not going to rock his world with foods that he can’t pronounce/has never heard of.
  • Some days take out pizza is the best I can do.  Same goes with Mac N Cheese and Hamburger Helper.  I refuse to feel guilty/like a failure when I serve these things for dinner. Being a mom is hard enough.
  • I am an emotional eater.  I have a lot of work to do, but right now this minute I celebrate/drown every emotion with food. I don’t like it, but again, that’s just how it is right now.

I realize this list sounds a little defensive, but really it’s just a way for me to relieve some of the pressure.  I feel like every meal is an opportunity for perfection and most of the time I am not perfect (shocking, I know).  I think my frustration lately has been because in my head I think I should be eating one way, but in reality it is often the complete opposite of what my ideal is.  I need to realize that situations like the ones above are going to occur and instead of fighting them, I want to just let go and learn to deal with them. Like water off a duck’s back. That’s really what this list is about – facing the truth.

I’m giving myself  a break and permission to be a human woman who lives in the southern region where food is a religion and Paula Deen is its deity.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that eating cookies, and donuts, and Hamburger Helper aren’t going to help me lose these last 15 pounds, so I do realize that I have to make an effort and be mindful of what I put into my mouth 75% of the time.  I think I can handle that.  This morning’s breakfast was a donut and coffee, but lunch is going to be a salad, and my afternoon snack is an apple and peanut butter.  Dinner is probably going to be baked chicken (haven’t really decided yet, but it will be something light).  Balance is a difficult thing for me to achieve, but I think I’m moving in the right direction.

12 thoughts on “What I know for sure

  1. He won’t even go for chicken-fried spinach quiche with gravy? Darn.

    I like that you’re being understanding with yourself. It may just be me, but when I get all harsh and rules-y and judgmental on myself, it just brings out my rebellious feelings; whereas when I *feel* like I have a choice, it seems…to “free” me to make the right ones for me more often. Maybe it’s just a mind trick; I have plenty of room for improvement, and I still do emotional eating within my own low-carb parameters (low carb may be friendly on the blood sugar, but some choices are plenty calorie-dense), so it’s not perfect, but it’s what’s working for me right now.

    Anyway, hang in there with that 75%! You’ll be fine.

    1. YES!!!! This is exactly what I am trying to say here: ” when I get all harsh and rules-y and judgmental on myself, it just brings out my rebellious feelings; whereas when I *feel* like I have a choice, it seems…to “free” me to make the right ones for me more often”.

      Thank you!!! 🙂

  2. I’ve loosened up a lot of my rigid restrictions around food, but I haven’t completely given in, especially when it comes to my kids and those dreaded snacks. My crew threw a fit at first when I severely cut back on the snack offerings in my casa, but they adjusted over time. After all, I made sure there were plenty of healthy alternatives available. I like to think that I’m doing them a favor by making them think about just what they’ve putting into their bodies now, instead of trying to undo years and years of crappy eating in the future. That’s not to say take-out pizza doesn’t wind up on our table every so often. I may be crazy, but I’m not insane…

  3. Hi know that feeling where you just want to eat what you’ve been eating for years without knowing whats in it. But once you know… well it’s like the matrix. You take the pill of knowledge and there you are left with the scary truth. That if it’s not organic it’s probably genetically modified and laden with pesticides. One of the biggest reasons we are having so many weight issues is the fact that pesticides contributes to gaining weight. As does the high fructose corn syrups in everything. So in a sense we are overweight for things that we have no idea is in our food. I would suggest to you to watch Killer at Large, Food Inc. and King Corn. and then see what it is what you are eating that might fall into these mass produces foods that is making this country over weight. The guilt you feel is your gut instinct that things are not right. I was there… I didnt want to know what’s really in my food. I wanted to trust a higher power. I wanted them to have our best interest in mind when they make their products. But no one is going to take care of your family better than you. I wanted to stop being a victim and decided to fight. I encourage you to watch those movies and blog about them. I would love to hear what you have to say about them. It’s huge, I know…it’s life changing. I right this with a heavy heart because I know where you are at now. I’ve been there. It’s heartbreaking to know that it’s really going to take a crusade to change things. Good Luck!

  4. That is really insightful. It’s good you’re being honest. For most women, there is a lot of guilt in eating poorly, and if you’re an emotional eater it just adds to your bad eating because you feel bad about feeling bad about what you ate before that made you feel bad and you eat bad again and feel bad about it.

  5. I think you will get further with accepting the truth about your life than trying to achieve an impossible standard.

    I’m glad you’re giving yourself a break.

  6. It was the thought of weight loss deadlines that made me most stressed. So, I just decided to live normally, but moderately, and however long it took, it took. So, it took four years to lose 30 pounds… at least I was heading in the right direction! You’re giving yourself some needed permissions. Good for you! I do like the author Brian Wansink’s idea of “food rules” and “food prohibitions,” though. It gave me a structure to fall back on in my weak moments. (His book: Mindless Eating: Why We Eat More than We Should.)

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